Complications of Love

“A letter for Miss Emmeline Berkeley addressed from Mr. Nathaniel Kensington.”

Emmeline politely received the neatly waxed paper with an uneven hand and expressed her thanks before closing the door.

Emmeline turned around just in time to see her older sister Jane, mouth open, “Mr. Kensington?” She smiled a knowing smile and raised an eyebrow.

Emmeline just stood there holding the letter at arm’s length, looking at it as if it would burst into flame.

“Well? Open the thing!”

“Patience, my dear sister,” Emmeline tried to keep the smile off her face and took a breath in an attempt to slow her racing heart. “All right, here goes.” She took another breath, her hands trembling so violently that she tore a corner of parchment.

Emmeline’s lips moved silently to form the words her eyes hungrily ate in each line of the note. Jane’s eyes lingered from over her shoulder. Emmeline’s mouth hung open at one point and her free hand rose to cover it. Jane gaped soon after.

“What are you two girls doing?” Mrs. Berkeley’s loud voice held an edge of steel and suspicion, shown by the firmly placed hands on her plump hips. Emmeline almost jumped and Jane seemed at least a bit startled.

“Nothing, Mother,” said Jane, composing herself and locking Emmeline’s arm with her own. “We were just about to go to our rooms, were we not Emmeline?” Not giving her time to answer, Jane had pulled them halfway up the stairs before Mrs. Berkeley could protest. 

~

Once behind the security of the locked door, Emmeline sat on the bed in a daze.

“Let me see the letter again,” Jane took it from Emmeline’s limp hand. She dramatically cleared her throat and began, “‘Words do not do justice to the way I feel for you and yet here I am still trying to describe my feelings.’”

Jane shook her head staring again at the words that seemed to baffle her. “I had no idea. Em, how could I have no idea?” She continued reading, adapting a sappier tone. “‘When you walk into the room my heart skips a beat! When you look at me in the eyes, my heart seems to try to burst out of my chest! When you smile at me, I feel like I can do anything. Whenever I see you, I—’”

“All right, all right! That’s enough,” Emmeline fell back onto the bed and scrunched up her face like she was trying to decide between the expression of a smile, laugh, or complete disgust.

“Please, Em, what is going on with you and this Mr. Kensington?” Jane inquired, coming to sit on the other side of the bed. “He has sent you many letters, has he not?”

“Yes, he has,” Emmeline sighed, covering her face. “And I have replied to all.”

“Since when?”

“Since fairly recently. We first met at the country ball the week before last. We were introduced by Father and exchanged a few words concerning books and such. The next day he happened to purchase a book, same as I did and he struck up conversation. A few days later I received the first letter…” Emmeline’s voice cracked and a few tears slipped out of the corner of her eye.

“Oh, Em! What’s wrong? What did he say?” Emmeline sat up and Jane scooted closer to pull a comforting hand on her shoulder.

Emmeline swallowed, “He loves me.”

Jane looked horrified, “What did you say in reply?” 

“I told him I wasn’t ready for that and I would like to know more about him.”

“So you like him back, do you not?”

“I… honestly yes. But I wanted to know more about him,” Emmeline looked confused. “I think he is a man of good character and intelligence. Father knew his father and he also was of good character.”

Jane looked at her face carefully, “What is it, Em.” It was a statement not a question.

“Nothing…” Emmeline’s face said otherwise. “All right… he always stares at me. It makes me feel uncomfortable. And after all the letters he sent me I thought he would act different at the country ball of last week. I thought he would act like he meant the things he has said in writing.”

Emmeline went quiet, thinking.

“He didn’t come up to talk to me once. He didn’t even ask me to dance. If he was in love,” Emmeline said slowly. “He would at the very least have asked me to dance, would he not?”

~

“Just remember,” Jane said, her eyes darting between Emmeline and the door. “It was all too quick. It was presumptuous. He doesn’t know you. You don’t know him. You are justified in any decision.”

Jane’s smiling expression didn’t change but Emmeline could tell by her stare that he had just walked through the door. Emmeline spun around to find Mr. Kensington staring at her. Their eyes met in something that felt electric. Every emotion felt connected between her brown and his green eyes. She felt regret, hurt, longing, hope, anger, and care. Emmeline didn’t know whose was whose. No. That was her anger. And he knew it was hers.

She broke the connection.

Mr. Kensington made his way over to the sisters and he stood in front of Emmeline unmoving. After a moment Mr. Kensington asked, “May I have the next dance, Miss Berkeley?” There was no question about which ‘Miss Berkeley.’ He was staring Emmeline dead in the face.

Emmeline didn’t smile, “You may.”

She and Jane dipped a salutation and he gave a nod before taking confident strides to relieve them of his presence.

Emmeline just stood there a moment, “Did I just agree to dance with Mr. Kensington?”

“I daresay you did and he will be most angry if you do not.” Jane advised.

“This is most inconvenient, since I have sworn to loathe him for all of eternity.” Emmeline’s smile scrunched her face and they giggled.

~

Violins orchestrated a tune that took Emmeline to a dark haunted forest in her mind. She looked at Mr. Kensington then took her place in the line of other dancing ladies. She dipped a curtsy in sync with the line as the men gave a nod.

They stepped forward with the music to meet in the center of the dance floor then stepped back, trading original places. Their eyes seemed to follow one another’s movements.

“I love this dance,” Emmeline stepped out again and held Mr. Kensington hands as they slowly spun, both going the opposite direction.

“Indeed,” They individually spun back toward their lines then curved back around the partners beside them.

“I shall be straightforward with you. What did you mean to indicate by the mailing of those letters?” Emmeline couldn’t see his reaction until they had finished circling, her shoulder almost touching another person’s. 

They turned so they were side-by-side with each other and holding hands. “I hoped my feelings for you were obviously expressed in my writing.”

“They were indeed, Mr. Kensington,” Emmeline took a few steps before turning to her right. “But you were not sensitive to the feelings that I may or may not have for you.”

Now they rounded other partners and came together again in the center, making a figure eight. “It is not a matter of your love now but of the love we could have later.”

“You are too hasty, Mr. Kensington,” Emmeline’s voice had a hard edge in it but Mr. Kensington didn’t seem to care. “I ask you to slow down.”

“If we share the same feelings, should we not act upon them before they are gone?” Mr. Kensington replied without hearing. 

Emmeline stopped in the center of the dance floor.

“If the feelings were true they would last longer than a few mere weeks.” Emmeline’s words slid out of her mouth through slightly gritted teeth.

She pinned Mr. Kensington with her golden-eyed gazed. They were so close they could have kissed if things had gone differently. “My feelings for you, I once thought might have blossomed into a flower, have died. I do not love you.” 

Emmeline left the floor without another word.