Un Drame à Trois

CONTAINS COURSE LANGUAGE

“Peter, phone.” Dad yells from the kitchen. I am in the bathroom, mid-school-day-morning routine. I heard the phone ring just as the toothpaste hit the brush. Phone calls this early on a school day are often products of trouble. Sometimes the trouble is good, like “School’s closed, snow day!” but this was May. 

I pick up the receiver left hanging by the wall-base. Toothbrush in my mouth, I begin the conversation. 

Peter: Hello

Tommy: Hey, man, what are you up to?

P: …brushing my teeth, what’s up?

T: You tell me?

P: What’s that supposed to mean?

T: I don’t know buddy, can you think of any reason I would be upset?

P: No…I didn’t know you were upset. Do you want to talk about this at school, I am leaving in like fifteen minutes. 

T: Did you tell anyone about me and Monica?

P: …uh…No, I mean…what do you mean?…Who would I tell?…I didn’t tell anyone…

T: You didn’t say anything to Katie?

Pause

My mouth fills with toothpaste and spit, I stretch the coil of cord to reach the sink, but it’s not long enough, and my aim not straight enough. Tommy on the other end, begins to lose patience.

T: Did you hear me? You said something to Katie didn’t you?

P: What? No, hold on a second.

I take the second he gives me, put the phone down and spit in the sink. I need to think of a way out of this mess. Denial is the best option here, so we stick with it.  

T:…Hey you there?!

P: Yes, I’m back…so what’s up? 

T: Katie… you told her Monica and I were hooking up after we both trusted you to keep our secret!

P: Thats’s crazy, why would I do that…why are you even thinking I did something like that?

T: Oh, I don’t know, maybe because Sal heard from Robbie who heard from Gretchen that Katie said you told her about Monica and I…and now Sal wants to kill me for hooking up with his girlfriend!

Pause

P: Well, they’re all lying…obviously, why would I say anything to Katie?

T: So you can get in good with her.

P: What that’s crazy? Why would I…

T: Oh come on, the only one in school who doesn’t know you have a hardcore crush on Katie is Katie. You remember Ryan’s party, you were drunk and half crying about how she’s the only for one you, but she doesn’t think of you that way… you want to ask her to prom but she’ll say no…blah blah blah…all that shit.

P: I was drunk and so what…

T: Oh stop it, everyone knows you got between her and Rocco just to break them up.

P: She did that herself, I had nothing to do with it, besides he was all wrong for her, he treated her like shit. 

“PETER, language!” My dad yells from somewhere in the house.

“Sorry..!” I yell back.

Back to Tommy on the phone.

T: Yeah well, anyway you told her about Monica and I and that’s fucked up, we trusted you and you totally stabbed us in the back. 

P: That is not true, I would never stab you in the back…

T: Okay, we’re going to find out.

P: How? What are you doing?

The sound drops from the other side of the line, it returns with a familiar trrring…trrring… awaiting another caller to join.

P: Tom what are you doing, what is this?

T: Three-way calling, wave of the future my man…I get Katie on the phone and listen in as you ask her what you told her and if she confirms you never said anything then case closed…

Trrring…

P: this is crazy…I’m not…

Katie: Hello?

Peter: Katie, Hi it’s Pete

K: Hi…what’s up, I was just about to leave for school

P: Oh…okay…yeah sorry just…real quick…hey you know Tommy and Monica…and… I never said anything about them to you…I mean you never heard anything from me…right?

K:…well you said they are hooking up and stuff? What about it? Is something wrong?

I suck air in through my teeth, holding back frustration that Katie is not receiving my telepathic messages to deny everything. But I power through.

P: Oh, no…it’s just…nothing…just wanted to say hey, and see if you remembered…anyway I’ll see you at school…bye

K:…Okay…goodbye.

Click.

I stay on the line awaiting judgment.

T: BUSTED ASSHOLE!…how could you do that, you’re my best friend, how could you tell her about us, you know we need to keep this secret until Monica can break up with Sal…now Monica’s pissed, Sal wants to kill me..and as my co-conspirator, I think you should know he’s after you as well.

P: Me what did I do? I didn’t do anything…you guys just made out in my basement while I played Goldeneye.

T: Yeah well, he still blames you so watch out.

My side of the call is interrupted by a low but distinct Beep, alerting me someone new wants to join this inquisition. 

P: UGH…Hold on, I have call waiting

I press the button on the receiver and the call switches over. 

Peter: Hello?

Katie: Hey what was that all about?

P: Oh, nothing…well actually, Tommy had called you on three-way to listen in…he knows I told you about them, and wanted to catch me in a lie…since I was denying it.

K: well that’s fucked up…I mean even more so than hooking up with someone else’s girlfriend.

P: Did you tell anyone?

K: I may have said something to Gretchen but you never told me to not say anything…

P: <sigh> yeah well, he’s on the other line right now ready to kill me.

K: Can I help? 

P: No, I have to deal with this…see you school though?

K: Yeah come find me after first period. Bye.

Click

She hangs up and I switch back to Tommy, holding out hope he’s calmed down over the twenty seconds he sat on hold. He had not.

P: Hey sorry, it was Katie, actually.

T: Oh what a coincidence, while you had me waiting for hours I had an idea…you tell one of my secrets, I am going to tell one of yours…hold on little buddy, revenge is a-coming!

The line goes silent again and again he returns followed by trrring trrring...

Katie: (exasperated) Hello.

T: Hello! Katie, it’s Thomas, I have Peter here with me. Say hello best friend.

P: Hi…

K: Listen you two, whatever game you’re playing this morning, count me out.

T: Oh this will only take a second… You see our mutual friend has a secret he’s confided in me…and seeing how you just love hearing other people’s secrets I thought it would only be fair to share his.

P: Tom stop, we don’t need to do this.

T: Oh we do Petey my boy, we totally do…You see Katie, Pete may seem like the perfect friend you never had, but truthfully he is madly in love with you…always has been…Since you two were lab partners freshman year, he hasn’t stopped talking about you…when you were going out with Joe, and Pete was the shoulder to cry on, he was being supportive because he wanted you all for himself…and last fall, when he went to your grandmother’s funeral, he was just trying to get in your pants…and now he’s going to watch you go to Prom with Robbie because he doesn’t have the balls to ask you himself…HA!

Pause

K: Peter is this true.

T: well…kind of…I mean…no, I liked your grandmother…and we’re friends, I wanted to be there for you.

T: Oh stop acting like a pussy, and just tell her how you feel.

P: Okay fine yes its true, I love you, I’ve always loved you, just like he said, we were lab partners and I listened to all your problems about Rocco and then Joe and helping you out with the labs and homework, I fell for you…I did…I come to school everyday hoping you woke up that morning feeling the same for me, but it never happens…you go from one guy to the next and I’m never an option…you want someone nice, who gets you, and likes the same things you do, and lets you be your own person because you’re an incredible person…but year after year I listen to how every other guy treats you like shit and forces you to be the kind of girl they want you to be…but all I ever wanted was you because of who you want to be…I picked out your prom dress with you last year, I helped with your homework when you had the flu, I ran lines with you when you got Sandy in Grease and I hate Grease, I asked my Mom to wait on getting my braces so you didn’t have to wear them alone…I praise you at your best and support you at are your worst and if muscles and abs and trophies are all you really care about then I can’t compete because I am who I am…this is the only me I have…

The silence stretched on forever, not even a breath. The awkwardness reached full saturation. Tommy had to break it.

T: Wow, buddy that was some real shit.

K: Peter, I never…what I mean to say is, you are the most honest person in my life and I…” 

Her words choked by tears. She continues, 

K: “Pete…I go to school every morning terrified… I’m failing Spanish, I can’t figure out physics, and I’m only passing trig because I let Mr. Horvath look at my ass…I don’t know who my friends are, Jennifer lies to my face, Lauren uses me to undermine Monica, and I know Robbie only asked me to Prom to make Kristy jealous…its teenage bullshit and it shouldn’t matter but it does, it destroys me…But the only thing, the only FUCKING thing that keeps me sane, that I think about whenever I need to wear a smile is you, it always has been…damnit Pete why do this now…on the phone… with Tommy listening…who I forgot was still here...

T: yup still here...

P: Katie…I never

As if waiting for her cue, Mom’s voice screeches across the call, having picked up the other line from her bedroom.

Mom: Peter your Dad needs to get on The AOL before work, you have to get off the phone…you’re going to be late for school anyway, who are you talking to?

P: Okay Mom, it’s Tommy, we are hanging up right now.

K: I’ll see you in school Peter, I’ll find you after homeroom.

P: yeah, definitely, goodbye.

T: BYYYYYYYEEEE, KATIE!

Click

T: Ok shithead, I’ll see you later

P: Hey Tom, sorry about you know, but also…Thanks.

T: that’s why I’m here.

Click