The era of Alena

Even though we had a small garden that surrounded our crumbling house, we were not thrilled. I had never seen her smiling; she never tried to make me understand. In silent, we had survived for fourteen years. We were trapped from all sides in the wood… My grandmother suffered from some impairments: She was deaf and mute, she was unable to walk. I am just wondering… How did she take care of me? I named myself Alena. I am a girl aged fourteen… I am not deaf and mute like her, but to no avail, I utter only some unpleasant sounds. We fed on grass mostly, we drunk water from a well next to the house. Apparently, our lives were a death… Close to a tree a shallow grave was still open. Perhaps my grandmother rigged it to bury the first of us who dies. Then, she passed away… It rained heavily for three days. Curiosity overcame me, so I ventured into the wood. Since that moment, my life has been turned upside down. I used to cross the wood with confidence until I bumped into a wounded soldier. “Help me.” He said while he was dying and losing blood. “Return from whence you came, danger lurks there.” He said with great despair. In truth, I didn’t grasp what he said until it was too late, at a time when it was already too late. I ignored him with coldness because I didn’t understand his language, and I moved on, leaving him with the painful past. Every time I approached the end of the wood, I caught sight of many faces. The sky and the land pulsated with life and energy.

The people there spoke the language of the wounded soldier. I passed by people of the same height. They were truly filled with happiness. I wished to be like them, truly. I don’t know what happened to me until I woke up on a soft bed, it felt like paradise to me. “She woke up.” Said one of the children in my age with joy. A lovely woman approached me, saying “What is your name, sweety?” I smiled; she taught me in moments how to smile. But when I tried to respond, I made an annoying sound. “Oh Gosh! We should teach you, our language. The doctor examined your vocal cords and told me they are indeed in good condition.” She spoke. I closely observed all the children who were not tired as they watched me. They took turns speaking to me every day until I improved. I think I have become part of them now. We eat together, drink water together and play together, even though I struggled a lot to get rid of those sounds when I speak. I won’t deny that I have learned the most important thing. Once, I wanted to tell them where I came from, but then I overheard my beautiful friend Emily talking about a cursed woman whom the villagers had isolated years ago in some forbidden place deep in the wood. I felt a sense of dread about it, so I decided to remain silent whenever asked about where I came from. I have been honest with everyone except for one person whom I thought lying to would help me keep him. His name was Alex. At sunset, as we were heading home together, I broke the silence and asked him about the story of the cursed woman. He answered with a face filled with pride and sadness “That woman lived during the reign of the former emperor, a soldier with ambition and pride. She sacrificed everything she had to minimize the damage of the disaster that befell the empire. They used her as a covert spy among the enemy ranks back then. She was distinguished by many noble qualities. But after that day, she lost her hearing and her vocal cords and suffered from several other disabilities. The villagers thought she bought misfortune upon them and cursed her severely, throwing her into the heart of the wood. My father told me this. I don’t know why I am telling you something I have never told anyone before. Honestly, I believe she is my mother in some way because my father was secretly involved with her.” Wait… Does this mean she was my mother and not my grandmother as I thought? Does this mean he is my brother in some way? I will be silent… I am scared. Confused. I feel guilty for lying to him all this time… What should I do? I am deeply regretful. The truth is terrifying and lies are staggering. I am caught between two hells, either to continue lying and leave the anchor untouched, or to speak the truth. Will they believe me, or will they consider my truth as a lie due to the severity of deception? Alas, as soon as I decided to tell him, the unexpected happened. As we were preparing to embrace our beds at night and as I tried to approach Alex, several unfamiliar soldiers set fire to the village. They abducted some girls, women and killed many children and men in a short time. Now I realized why that wounded soldier warned me. He spoke the truth and I lied to his truth. I saw Alex trying to act nobly, wielding a small sword, attempting to defeat one of the enemies. That night was etched into my soul and shook it profoundly. It was the night where love and life bled out. That night, I screamed and sobbed until I miscarried from crying. And that night, I wished I had not lied and deceived the dearest people to me. From the horror of what happened, I crumbled among the rubble, losing my grasp on reality amidst the blood of those I truly loved. Voices faded away, overridden by the sound of aggression. No one noticed that I was dead among the dead. Lying on the ground, staring at the sky, I swore to speak the truth even if it meant enduring bitter pain, for the consequences of lies bring agonizing torment.

After a few days of the enemy’s departure, a young man came searching for corpses to take. With his cold demeanour and calm voice that never shook his being, he approached my body and said, “Will you come with me?” Accompanying his words was faint, provocative smile. Feeling the need to atone for my sins, I accepted his tempting offer. I said “Yes, I will be your test subject gladly.” He remained silent as he examined my body, free from bruises but filled with mental and emotional shocks. I was incapable of movement. All he did was placing me in a dilapidated cart among the corpses without mercy. I didn’t expect mercy from anyone because I deserved the harshest punishment. I marvelled at my own condition, living for days without food or drink, while his situation was the opposite of mine. After a hardship that lasted for days, I believe we have reached our destination. Sadly, the bodies that touched my skin caused my arms to rot, leading to their amputation and then I was thrown into an iron cage without a lock. My foul smell and repulsive presence disgusted even the worms. It seems the young man forgot about me. At least, I enjoy the right to life as it should be, or at least I have had a slumber I did not expect. What a tragedy! Both truth and lies are hurtful and painful. Finally, I have awoken on a soft and clean bed, my body emanating a pleasant scent. I long for the days of the village indeed. The first thing I saw was his captivating face, which was always accompanied by a medical book, so I realized he was a doctor. He was sitting on a chair next to my bed waiting for me to wake up. I have a lot of questions, really. “What was your name? And what is your story?” He was overwhelmed by an unprecedented curiosity as he asked me and as soon as he heard that my name was Alena, his handsome face paled, and his clear mind became confused.

I no longer have arms; my slender body has become even thinner. My combed hair was dishevelled. I wonder, am I not dead yet? After arranging his thoughts and conclusions, it seems he told me that he will sell me to current emperor. I strongly objected, wanting to stay with him, but to no avail. He continued to convince me that living within the palace is better than staying with a lunatic like him. I am truly perplexed… I have no right to say this, but perhaps I have fallen in love. Is this the truest human feeling? Or is it a temporary lie? After a few days of unsuccessful attempts, I gave up… I was unable to bring any benefit to him. His care for me during that time made my heart warm again. I cried… I cried for being pitiful. The next day, a handful of soldiers arrived, then we climbed into a horse-drawn carriage. They accompanied us all the way until we reached the emperor’s palace. I clung to his massive body, which concealed mine as we walked to the grand throne hall. “Life in the glorious empire’s sun.” We greeted the emperor by bowing to him. Then I lifted my head slightly to catch a glimpse of his face. His hair was intensely black, long and straight, bearing some resemblance to the doctor in a way. He kept staring at me and then said, “You must spend a few days here so Alena can get used to the palace and the way of life.” But he refused, “Your majesty, as you know I serve you outside the palace not inside. What do you think about spending that time with her instead of me so she can get to know you and the reason for bringing her here?” The emperor sighed and then said coldly, “Leave at once!” As he turned his back on me, as he moved away from me, I felt fear and horror. I didn’t care about the emperor; I turned to him, screaming in despair, “Please, come back one day. I promise to change and be loyal to you.” He paused for a moment and said earnestly, “I trust how honest you are in everything, but please don’t make a promise and I know you won’t keep it.” Then he left without turning back, leaving a void that cannot be filled. The emperor laughed scornfully. He provoked me, saying, “My poor brother, a girl has fallen in love with him, a girl the age of his son.” I felt an overwhelming anger and he added, “A girl with no charms, not even arms. Who would care for you, you foolish girl?” I suppressed my anger and swore to be a lesson to everyone in the palace. I will be someone who can be relied upon. I will strive for change and make a difference. As I wandered through the palace, I saw a handsome kid, his only flaw being his left eye, which was burnt. He looked noble as he enjoyed watching the butterflies in the royal garden. Suddenly, the emperor appeared, saying, “He is my brother’s son. His wife committed suicide long ago. He is truly deranged.”

In the end, some people believe, and some people lie. Or rather, some people are believed, and some people are disbelieved. And I will be an example of honesty in this empire. My title will be Alena the honest, the armless.