The Year With No Child

Just in case the parasites were crawling around the hospital, she held her legs up to her chest on top of the chair and made sure she had a clear view of the floor. It was said that they were too small to notice, but she tried to locate them anyway; it disturbed her to imagine a small bug eating its way through her. 

Maybe it had already happened—she didn’t know, but she wanted to make sure. Her period hadn’t come for two months now and that was the only obvious sign that the parasite manifested. Almost all of her friends had it, but nobody was too upset. It meant that they wouldn’t have to bleed out every month, and even if they wanted children in the future, they were still focused on other important things like essays and internships. They believed that science would find a cure before they would have to decide whether or not they wanted children anyway. 

Despite the steady increase of the infected victims over the past four years, the younger generation still had hope. The older folks were terrified however, asking their unwilling children to have offspring so that they could see their grandchildren before it wasn’t an option anymore. Perhaps they were right to be afraid. There had been no births in the past year, and although not everyone was tested, it would not have been a surprise if the parasites had already infiltrated every single person with female reproductive organs. 

Clara was frightened of the parasite, but somewhere in the back of her mind, she prayed that she had it. She never wanted children and menstruation was such a pain that she was almost convinced that the bug was better. But every time she thought about it, she could see it resting inside of her, eating away at her organs after there was no more egg to devour. The thought sent chills down her spine and she tried to wait insouciantly in the cool room, looking at the health stickers and posters that were plastered on the wall. 

There was a knock at the door and Clara wasn’t able to answer before the doctor came in. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand. “It seems that you have the ladleworm.” 

Clara thought she could feel it crawling and lifted her hand to her mouth in case the bile in her throat made its way out. 

“Take this medicine at least once a month so that it doesn’t start reproducing. I’m sure you already know this, but there’s no cure that can get rid of it right now and you can get your uterus removed, but it can be very expensive, even with insurance.” The orange pill case contained white circular tablets that clinked against the plastic. 

“Thank you.” Clara grabbed the tubular case from the doctor and threw it into her purse. She left the clinic with weak legs barely supporting her. 

Since there was nothing for her to run away from anymore, Clara went to school the next day but was worried that everyone would know why she had suddenly decided to come back after skipping classes for many months. At this point, it was something inescapable, and everybody excepted it, but Clara was still unsure if people would look at her differently.

Clara made herself as comfortable as possible in the lecture hall, sitting at the edge of the room to bring the least amount of attention to herself. Darra, one of her classmates noticed her as soon as she walked in and made her way over to Clara who was trying to hide her face by laying her face on the table and hiding it with her sweatshirt. She didn’t hesitate to sit next to her, but she didn’t say anything until Clara spoke up first. “I have a ladleworm.” 

“I figured.” 

“It’s so gross.” 

“I know.” 

With Darra sitting next to her, it gave her another layer of protection from the other students who entered. Clara was thankful that Darra would shield her from those around her.

“When did you go get tested?” Darra asked as Clara took out her notebook from her backpack.

“Yesterday. It was so awful walking through the campus this morning. It felt like I was coming here for the first time in my life.” 

“Yeah, I didn’t really care that much about the parasite so I just came to school. If you need notes, I can help you. Or if there’s something you don’t understand.” 

“Thanks.” 

Class started and ended with Darra taking Clara through the unknown vocabulary on the slideshow, and there was no one that bothered talking or looking at Clara. She was embarrassed that she gave herself so much credit— expecting anyone to even think about her was a bit narcissistic. A quiet, unenthusiastic girl… that was all she was to the people who even bothered to acknowledge her existence; otherwise, she was just nothing. 

Fast walking through the grounds, Clara was eager to get back to her apartment before her next class. She had to call her boyfriend someday and she didn’t want to openly admit anything in public. 

The phone rang as the boy on the other side of the line searched through his backpack. Noah wanted to shut it up before more of the passengers got annoyed with him. Ever since he was a child, he had been taught that it was common courtesy to put phones on vibrate inside the bus. 

Clara’s name was on the screen and he felt guilty to press the end call button, but he would text her as soon as he did so. He didn’t even know why she was calling him in the first place. Phone calls from Clara were a rare occurrence as she couldn’t handle continuously talking without a break. 

"Sorry. I’m on the bus right now" Noah didn’t put much thought into the text even though he was eager to know why his girlfriend called after three months of distancing herself from him. 

"Ok then never mind. 

  Call me when you have time. 

  Or come to my apartment later in the evening."

Her broken up texts meant that she needed to let him know something, but she had to take her time to say whatever it was. Another obvious clue that something was wrong. And…she was letting him come to the apartment, which meant she probably had the parasite. 

"Okay." Noah was thrilled. 

Many men were disgusted by the parasite even though it had no real known effect on them. The idea of an infested woman was disturbing, no doubt, but there had been some cases of men murdering their partners since they had been so petrified. Despite Noah being an accepting person, Clara was nervous that he would break up with her. 

Regretting her decision to allow him to come to the apartment, Clara tried to text him back, but she didn’t want it to seem like she was pushing him away and put her cellphone away before she thought about it anymore. Anthropology was her next class and she had wasted her lunchtime roaming around the living room. Her stomach began to growl and so she took a granola bar off the counter before leaving. 

Class ended abruptly in Clara’s mind. She was too distracted by Noah that she had no idea what her professor had told the class. Something about culture and society, obviously. 

The message from Noah was reassuring. He was busy today and he wouldn’t be able to make it to her house, but he would call her when he got the chance. Even if it weren’t for the parasite, she was nervous to meet him again since they had fought about her locking herself away. “It isn’t even bad where you live,” he had told her, but everybody got it in less than a month. 

Clara’s only encounter to the parasite was the takeout she ordered and the packages that were delivered to her house. They had probably gotten into the boxes and sneaked onto her clothes, waiting until night to search for something to consume. 

Even though Clara had already been infected, she made sure to take a shower as soon as she got home. It wasn’t a surprise to find them crawling somewhere you didn’t expect while you stood under the steaming water. She was relieved that nothing had stuck onto her skin and she changed into new clothes just in case. 

As she got comfortable watching TV on the couch, her phone finally rang and she picked up in a desperate manner. 

“Hello?” Noah’s voice rang out from the other side. 

“Hi Noah.” Although she sounded too shy to be calling her boyfriend, Noah found it cute and regretted the number of extra shifts he had taken for the next few weeks. 

“What did you have to tell me?” 

“You probably already know this but…” she felt herself hesitating and was ashamed that she couldn’t come clean to him, “…um….” 

“Yeah?” He didn’t know if he should say it himself or allow her to be honest with him. 

“I umm…” 

“You...have the parasite don't you?” 

“Uh, yeah.” 

“When’d you find out?” 

“Yesterday.” 

“And you didn’t tell me?” Noah’s intention was to be and sound sarcastic, but Clara was scared that he was scolding her. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” 

Noah was pained that she thought he was being serious. Well, he was, he just didn’t want her to feel bad about it. “It’s fine.” Reassuring her, he hoped that his message would get across this time. 

“Are you mad at me?” He cursed at himself when she sounded so hurt. 

“No no. I was just worried since you called me so suddenly. And I wish that you would’ve told me as soon as you found out.” 

“When can I see you?”  

“Soon.” 

And it had taken them exactly three weeks to meet up. Clara was the one who never had plans, but she didn’t hate him for taking such a long time to see her. They lived quite a ways away from each other, at least 30 minutes by car, and she understood how busy he was during the winter. 

When the doorbell rang, she ran up to the door and peeked through the hole to make sure it was Noah. His face was flushed red and he sniffled before wiping the bottom of his nose. 

The door opened and Clara’s face began to light up as she met him face to face. He took her into his arms and they stood in the hallway before they felt embarrassed for embracing so long and headed inside. 

The apartment hadn’t changed at all in the few months that he didn’t visit, but that was what Noah was expecting. Clara never kept anything unnecessary and if she ever found herself getting attached, she asked someone to throw it out for her immediately. 

“It’s been too long.” Noah took off his shoes and lined them up next to each other since Clara yelled at him the first few times he threw them down without much care. 

Clara was already in the kitchen getting him something to drink, but Noah couldn’t imagine waiting any longer. He hugged her from behind and traced her neckline with his kisses. 

“Wait please,” she said but he could not oblige. 

Noah was already taking a shower in the morning when Clara woke up and she took the time to clean the room. But there was nothing on the floor except for a bunch of cans. She ran over to the trashcan hoping to find something, but it was completely empty. 

Knocking on the bathroom door, she wanted to drag Noah out if she could. 

“What is it?” He was still shampooing his hair and he didn’t want Clara to listen to him sing. 

“I need to talk to you.” 

“When I get out.” 

Clara backed away and fell into the bed. She felt tears slipping down her cheek and wiped with her sleeve until her skin was tender. There was such a high chance that she couldn’t get pregnant, but she didn’t want to risk anything. A child was a bother, she knew since she had been one. They nag until the parents give up and shut them up or leave. 

The door opened and Noah stood there with water dripping into the carpet. “What?” 

“I don’t want a child.” 

  “I know.” 

“Then why? I even heard you take one out of the drawer.” 

“I changed my mind. You can’t get pregnant.” 

“But what if I do? I’m not gonna keep the child.” 

“You’re fine.” 

“Can you leave?” Clara’s voice was strained but Noah couldn’t understand why she would be so troubled. He left her apartment without saying anything but he felt something stab at him as he saw Clara wiping her eyes. 

Throwing away the cans that were scattered around her bedroom, Clara thought about her choices regarding the recent matter. She could still get a pill. The health department opened in the morning. Clara got dressed and left. 

At the desk was a middle-aged woman with her hair cut short and her nails grown out. “Hi. What are you here for today?”

Although she acted friendly, her voice was snarky as she judged the university student wearing sweats out in public. 

“I need a morning-after pill.” 

“I’m sorry, a pill? Do you not have the parasite?” 

“I do.” 

“Then you don’t need it.”  

“Just to be sure.” 

“There’s no reason to give them out right now. If you do have a child, then you should keep it anyways.” Her eyes shifted downwards as she called the next person on the list. 

“Please. Just in case.” The woman ignored her and Clara had no choice but to leave. 

Clara was shocked that someone as young as her would have to visit two clinics in the past few months, but she was sitting in the health center waiting for someone to return to the check-in desk. 

It started with morning sickness and then a positive pregnancy test that Clara couldn’t believe. Although the idea of the parasite made her sick, the child made her punch herself in the stomach a few times to make it die when she first found out. She didn’t understand why out of every person in the world, she was the one to become parasite free. 

A doctor finally pushed through the doors and smiled when she saw Clara. “Clara Thompson?” 

Walking through the doors, Clara felt multiple eyes on her. The people were watching the miracle mother who was about to kill off her child. If Clara didn’t get rid of the child though, she would have done everything in her power to make sure it died. It was disgusting. 

  Clara was made to lie down on the medical chair as the doctor prepared the gel. It was cool on her stomach and she flinched as the transducer skimmed over her skin. The dark screen showed the being in her stomach. 

“Oh my. There’s a dead parasite but your child thankfully is alive.” The doctor couldn’t hide the fact that she was overjoyed. “I have to go tell my coworkers quickly. Is it okay if I leave you alone for a few minutes?” 

Although Clara was confused, she agreed and closed her eyes to try to calm her beating heart. Disgusting. Disgusting. Disgusting. She had to get it out as soon as possible. 

The doctor had still not come back yet, and Clara could not wait any longer. Her fingers dialed Noah, whom she hadn’t talked to ever since the fight. Maybe he should know about the child, but Clara wasn’t sure if he would try to stop her. She sent a text just to let him know. Once the termination happened, there would be nothing that he could do. 

Every second the doctor was gone, Clara swore that she could feel the heartbeat of the child beating inside of her, a deafening thumping that filled her mind to the brim. Get it out. 

The door swung open and there were at least ten people who came swarming in. They all waited for the doctor to set the transducer on Clara’s stomach once again and each person smiled as the fetus appeared on the screen. 

“Ms. Thompson, we believe that we should keep your child alive.” 

“But I don’t want it.” 

“There haven’t been any children born in the past year and a half.” 

“No, I don’t want it.” 

“Your child may be the last child born.” 

“I don’t care. I don’t want it. It makes me disgusted that it’s going to use my body and take a part of my life.” 

“Ms. Thompson, you…” Clara didn’t let the doctor finish as she jumped down from the chair and sprinted through the opening of the doctors and nurses. 

They all chased after her as Clara kept running, repeatedly pounding her stomach so it would die. The pain caused her to cry but Clara didn’t stop until they grabbed her arms and pinned them behind her back. 

“I don’t want it. I don’t want it,” Clara sobbed, but nobody would listen. 

“Go to sleep for a while,” someone said as a sharp needle was thrust into her arm. A clear liquid seeped into her blood vessels and penetrated her body. 

Get it out of me. Her eyelids began to droop and Clara began dreaming of Noah cooking a pale bird that had no wings.