Sisyphus Partners

His hand feels strangely soft and hers limp and lifeless, like roadkill. If is it true that the handshake has a decisive say in the outcome of an interview, then in forty-five minutes time I expect to be lying dead, rotting, and abandoned in the gutter of the gentrified but still ultimately decrepit street outside.

Please, have a seat he says, gesturing to a plush leather chair that likely costs more money than it would take to feed a family of four for a month. I slide the several-hundred pound arse-holder out from under the long glass table that has been polished to an extent that it is no longer useful to hold a cup of hot liquid or support a resting hand for fear of leaving a mark. Even the air smells corporate.

I sit down too quickly. She notices as I try to suppress the boyish smile that invades my face as the chair channels this excess momentum to spin me around to the right. Very nice chairs you’ve got here, I say. They exchange a slightly puzzled expression before he mumbles some sort of agreement. Whilst they shuffle with their bits of paper I stare out of the huge panel window that overlooks the river and the rest of the city’s business district. Glass monstrosities rise high from the sprawling mess of human activity below. I think that such a view must excite and amaze most of the candidates that sit here. It makes me feel depressed.

So before we begin she says, we’d just like to go over the structure of this interview and bring to your attention a few of the things we’ll be looking for throughout. You have done very well to get to this stage and I assure you that whatever the outcome of today you can go home very proud of yourself.

I find myself smiling again. If asked I probably couldn’t put into words exactly why, I just find something amusing about a complete stranger implying that my ability to say select bullshit words and phrases in the correct order to another stranger would be anything to judge myself by.

This interview today will be slightly different to the others you have undertaken previously, she continues. Whereas in the earlier rounds we were looking to assess your technical ability, today we will be far more interested in you as a person, your motivation for wanting to join us here at Sisyphus, and the soft skills and attributes you could be able to bring to the team. In order to do this, we will start with some questions about yourself and your experience, followed by a second section that will consist of scenario questions. In your answers we would be interested in hearing about recent experiences in which you demonstrated particular competencies, how you believe this will translate well to our organisation, and of course your communication skills will be assessed throughout. Does all of this sound all right with you?

Yes, sounds good, I say. I wonder what would have happened if I had said no.

Ok, great, he says, so just as a bit of background it would be useful if you could tell us a bit about yourself and your current role. Sure, I say glancing again at the world outside. I can’t see any trees.

So I graduated nearly two years ago now with an undergraduate degree in Economics. I really enjoyed my degree, both academically and socially…and I notice that it’s happening already; as soon as I begin speaking in this weirdly formal and retrospective way I’m immediately transported outside myself and it feels as though I am sat next to my body listening and observing as someone else’s words come out of my mouth…and it was for these reasons that I applied for and took up my first role in an well-established accounting practice…now I’m trying in vain to twist the stupid grin that’s just flashed up on my face to resemble a friendly smile as I recall with parental sympathy the cluelessness with which I fell into my first job…but whilst I appreciate all that this role has provided for me I now feel as though the most natural next step would be to apply these skills and experiences in the world of consulting.

Not bad, I’m thinking, that delivery wasn’t much worse than what I was managing to myself in the mirror that morning.

Thank you, that’s very interesting, he says, I can understand the reasons why you feel now is the time to pivot into consulting, but what I would be more interested in hearing about is why you want to work here, at Sisyphus Partners.

I hesitate, not because I don’t know what to say, but because I’m distracted trying to figure out why he’s delivered his statement with the tone of a question. I also suffer from an affliction where the use of any pretentious jargon causes a part of me to wither up and die, pivot being one of those words.

He mistakes my pause for confusion and needlessly clarifies his inquiry. I say reputation, areas of expertise, and culture, but I do so in full sentences. He loves my answer.

It’s so great that you mention our culture here at Sisyphus, as this something that I and the other partners have spent a great deal of time and money working on, he says. I think he wants me to congratulate him on this achievement and expand on my answer, but I just smile, feeling as though I have the upper hand.

She senses her partner’s weakness and jumps in with what I think she thinks is a tricky question: I’m sure you’ve read extensively about the purpose and values of our organisation, so would you able to discuss which of our six key missions appeal most to you on a personal level? Now I’m excited to see what I manage to come up with off script.

Ah well for me it has to be ‘sincerity’, I say. Whilst I can also see the importance of ‘teamwork’ and ‘professionalism’, I think that authenticity, honesty, and trying to be accurate in saying what you really believe is integral to the inner-functioning of any high-performing team.

She’s rightly unconvinced by my answer, but he brings his hand to his chin and tilts his head slightly, as though my innovative linking of sincerity and teamship has genuinely provided him with food for thought.

That’s all very well, she says, so perhaps you could tell us about a time when you have demonstrated sincerity in a professional setting.

I feel like replying ‘yes perhaps I could’, in an attempt to encourage either these two comedians to ask me an actual question, but instead I greatly embellish an incident from several months ago where I told my manager I thought he was wrong.

He praises my handling of that particular situation and agrees that, although it would have been easier to quietly agree, that would have been cowardly and would likely have hurt the bottom line. I respond without a hint of irony with a quote I remember my barber sharing on Facebook once, something about the hardest thing to do often being the right one. He does not sense my lack of sincerity and nods enthusiastically.

She says that these brief questions have been sufficient for them to evaluate and comprehend my previous twenty-four years on this planet and so now it would make sense to move onto the scenarios section. Now we will ask you in turn how you might react when presented with a scenario we each have experienced during our time here, she says.

I wonder why this time neither of them feel the need to whether this is okay with me, so I say that that sounds good anyway.

At Sisyphus we seek to meet our clients’ every need, he says, but sometimes these can be demanding. Here we go, I think, trying not to laugh at the serious and suspenseful voice he has just adopted. Imagine that you are posted to a client team helping to develop the medium-term growth strategy of a large manufacturing company. You have been working hard for several weeks and today you are looking forward to a family occasion you have planned in the evening. Then, late in the afternoon, the client gets in touch with your team leader and notifies them that they need a few changes made to the presentation they are due to deliver to their board of directors the next day. Your team manager asks you to stay late and make the necessary changes, as you worked on this aspect of the presentation and nobody else is available.

I’m briefly distracted by the expectant face he has pulled, as though he were child who has just braved to ask his mum if his favourite friend could stay the night. Well, I say, the first aspect to consider, is what is my relationship like with my team manager and the client?

Why do you feel that is the matter of first importance, he asks, seemingly both surprised and intrigued.

Well, if I’m to answer honestly, then for me a large part of whether I would miss a family occasion for something as minor as this would be whether I feel I owe anyone anything beyond what I’ve already given because, as you say, I’ve been working hard.

I can understand that, he says, but don’t forget the aspect of urgency in this situation, the client needs these changes made by tomorrow morning. Let’s say for the sake of argument you have a positive professional relationship with your manager.

Ok so that case I would be more inclined to do the work, I say, but I would now ask about the nature of these changes that need to be made. I notice them both shift uncomfortably. They seem to mistake my clarifications for misunderstanding. I try again. If I were to stay and make the changes, how impactful would this be to the success of the presentation?

I’m not sure what you mean, he says with a hint of irritation, if the client has specifically asked for these changes, I would think we can assume they believe them to be important.

What I mean is that, if this is an aspect of the presentation that I, a relatively junior employee, has worked on, it seems as though these changes might be pretty insignificant to the outcome, I counter. From what I’ve read about the consulting industry more generally, it seems like all the time clients ask for last minute changes that some poor first-year has to stay and carry out that ultimately turn out to be immaterial.

Now I find myself staring at him. I spot a bead of sweat on his forehead that was previously absent. She breaks my gaze and explains that I’ve lost sight of the key issue. The idea of this scenario is to measure your commitment to our work and to see if you have what it takes to go the extra mile for our clients, she says.

In that case, I suppose you could have just asked me directly and saved the creativity it has clearly taken to come up with this scenario, I say immediately regretting the sarcasm. If that’s what you want to know, I can tell you that I think I would be, at best, moderately committed to the work of the company and likely would not often go the extra mile for the clients, unless, as I said before, I felt I should on a personal level.

Now they’re the ones staring.

I really don’t feel this is that unusual a way to feel, I say to no avail. Obviously it would be easy to sit here and say that I would stay late and make the changes no question, but you said at the start that you were very interested in getting to know me as a person, so I’m just trying to get across how I in all honesty think I would actually react. Unless at the start what you meant to do was admit how contrived this all is and let me know that for the next hour I needed to transform into a non-person who had no interest in context whatsoever.

I notice his mouth is now hanging slightly open. She completely takes over.

I have never known a candidate have such difficult with what is really a simple situation, she says. I would have expected someone of your education and experience to be able to deal with this type of questioning with ease. You know, it is not a wrong answer to say that you would refuse and attend your family occasion.

I realise from the look in her eye that I’m not getting this job.

That’s not really my point, I say, what I guess I’m getting at is that I couldn’t possibly tell you whether I would stay or not in this make-believe scenario. Of course I can tell you a realistic story about how fictional me ultimately decides to do the work, and yes I’m probably overthinking this, but in reality what I would do in such a situation is going to depend on so many things that, at least to me, it feels pointless speculating about.

You’re right, you are certainly overthinking this, she says leaning forward, boiling over slightly.

I sigh because it freaks me out how many people refuse to live in the real world.

Look, let’s just move on to the next scenario, he says, I can see where you’re coming from, but this is just how things work. You’re clearly very capable and a good candidate for the role, but rightly or wrongly you’re going to have to demonstrate that to us here today.

You know what, I say, turning to look at the grey world stretching away outside the window before eyeing the door, I think I can save us the trouble.