Packing 85 years in one box.

Packing 85 years in one box

I don’t usually rise early, but the sun insists I rise with her this morning. I put on my robe and set up the coffee to perk. As it began to produce that glorious liquid, I stepped out on my back porch to greet the sun, who was calling my name. The sky had a rosy shade, with the yellow of the sunshine tinging the edges. There is gentle breeze ruffling the needles of the pine trees. I have a ring of huge old pines that circle the meadow. I call them my sentinels. They have been there forever standing guard over this land. The cardinals are flitting around the feeder, perching on the fence while taking turns. I don’t see the Red Shouldered Hawk that haunts them. I found a puddle of red feathers a few days ago, so I know the hawk got a meal. Mourning doves bob around under the feeder looking for the dropped seeds. I packed up the hummingbird feeders. Summer is over and they have all gone south. 

A lot to do today…. endings, beginnings? Some of both. I have lived in this house for many years, watching the deer feed, observing opossums and raccoons. Hearing coyotes howl occasionally. We’ve even had visits from bobcat and bear. My little dog loved to bark at the deer and chase the rabbits. That dog is gone now, as is my husband of 56 years. It is hard to move through this world on my own, but there is no choice but to do it. As he got older, I had to be the one to make more decisions. I should be used to it by now. I miss his quiet presence, his calm and caring manner. He only wanted for me to be happy. My sons live away from here now. They are busy, and the grandkids are busy. They visit when they can, but not often enough for me. Loren gave me the rose bush in the front yard. Corbin built the brick path to the fence gate. Decades ago, Presley pressed her little handprints into the cement garden trim of the flower bed, along with her brother’s baby footprints. Presley is in college now, her brother in high school. They have so much ahead of them. I hope I get to share some of it. My daughter in law is sweet to me. They all care, but they have their lives to live…and I have lived mine.

I have ten acres, mostly woods. There is a river that runs around the back of the woods behind the house. I can’t see it, but when it rains it gets loud enough for me to hear it. Funny how it is louder at night than in the daytime. The meadow is about 4 acres. It’s all gotten too much for me to handle. My husband used to love to get on his old tractor and mow. I’ve had to hire someone since he passed. I also had to give up the vegetable garden, can’t do the work anymore. There are still cherry tomatoes on the plants…. but the fall air will come on soon enough and finish them. I removed the garden fence so the critters that pass through can eat them. I hate waste. I used to plant cherry tomatoes with Presley. She loved to watch them grow and eat the tomatoes right off the plant. She loved to grow flowers too. We planted zinnias in the Spring. Her Dad planted her a blueberry bush when she was 3. She would watch for them to ripen and eat them on the spot.

I will miss my daffodils and the camellias. I planted them after we moved into this new house we built. They were only about 3 foot high when I planted them. Now they are at least 10 feet high. They flower in February, white , pink and red. I planted day lillies, Hellibores and Hydrangeas too. I hope the new owners enjoy what I’ve done here. Corbin will get the boat and his Dad’s old truck. Loren will get my car, and Presley will get the little red Jeep. I’ll throw in the tractor with the house. They’ll find out when we sign, which is my welcome gift to the new owners. Hopefully, the sale of the house and land and my Social Security will help pay for my new place. I’m moving into a cottage at an old folks compound. They have cottages, and you can move into a condo affair as you get older and need more help. I’m not sure how I will like living in close quarters with other people since I have lived in the country so long. I would prefer to move in with one of the boys, but they are busy and know all my stories too well. Corbin has two teenagers and doesn’t need an old lady underfoot. I’m hoping I can get a little dog to keep me company.  

I go inside and fix myself a cup of coffee and toast with butter and cinnamon. Sitting at my kitchen table and watching the birds at the feeder out my window, I look around at all my ‘treasures.’ Most people would call it junk. I have sets, plural, of china from my wedding and my mother-in-law, two sets of real silver silverware, pottery, and so many pictures. The kids always made fun of me about printing out pictures…. ‘just put them on the cloud,’ they would say. No, I want them in my hands. I want to feel the paper. Well, now they will have to deal with them. I’m having an Estate Sale company sell it all off. The house is full of antiques, but I told the kids years ago they don’t need to feel obligated to keep any of it. I love it, they don’t have to. The cottage is furnished…. except I will take my bed. It’s a family heirloom, hand-turned in the 1800s by a Samuels, a member of one of the families from my husband's side. His family goes back to the early 1700’s in this country. The kids will come and see what they want to take home, probably not much. I have some lovely pieces of jewelry I’ll share with my daughter in law, Liz and with Presley, my Granddaughter. Presley has always loved pretty baubles. We share February for our birthday….so I’ll give her my birth stone earrings and my mother’s opal ring.

There’s no point in running it all over in my mind for the thousandth time. I got to get dressed and get the suitcases. Pick out clothes and whatever else I want to take.  

How do you pack 85 years of living into one suitcase? Sigh.