I could have spent years, lifetimes even, looking for the prophecy if it wasn’t for you, I could have wasted an eternity searching for something I had just heard, it might have just been a rumour, and I wouldn’t have stopped searching. You helped me, you don’t know you helped me, but once you did I lost you. You helped me retrive the prophecy, helped me set another goal for me to meet, you helped me grow, and for a while now I have been plotting, planning, trying to piece together the puzzle pieces. Attempting to answer my endless flow of questions. How will this be fulfilled, when will it be completed? Maybe it hasn’t happened yet because I don’t fully understand it. What does it mean? Why did you vanish before helping me uncover the answer to that mystery. Why do I miss you so much, I just wish you would come back and help me again. Maybe i’m not as desperate as I was before. I’ve spent days pushing you out of my mind, but you just keep coming back to me, yet you refuse to do so in real life. Dare I say I miss you? Here I shall try again, just to prove my point. I need to decipher the prophecy, but it’s all just so confusing. 

When desperation turns the moon red, a silver haired woman shall bring false strengthening of bonds and begin a shift in power. Internal darkness will commence. 

Which power? I can’t grasp a single meaning? Does it mean into my life, some power I have will be taken from someone and she will control it? Blood moon? Strengthening of bonds? None of it seems to make any sense. Is there a clue of when that I can not see or has it already begun? You had silver hair. The most silky soft beautiful silver hair i've ever seen. No, I will not let you take over again. You are gone, and you won't come back. It doesn’t help to dwell on the past. Why do my thoughts have to be all over the place, I wish I could pull them out of my brain and physically organize them, but that is not how brains function. When was the last blood moon? Will I have to go back once again to the star charts and old books? Why must this all be so confusing and complicated?  

It is hopeless, but I can’t give up. I just don’t have it in me, I must know, I must figure it out. The last blood moon was exactly a month ago. I didn’t find it in any books or charts, it was the surprise blood moon I found in the diaries, the one nobody expected. We had all been struck in fear, it didn’t make any sense. How could it have not been predicted? It should have been straight forward scientific facts, nobody should have been surprised, but we couldn’t have possibly been mistaken. Something was odd. That was the day I discovered the prophecy. Many things happened that day, many things changed, In a way you could say they went back to normal, the last things had shaken up, they didn’t settle back down until a month ago, although I rather miss the shaken up normal. Things had changed for me too, but it felt like they had changed for the better, not that they’ve become much worse now, oh nevermind, i’m quite sure you know what I mean.  

What does a shift in power mean? I don’t think there is a possibility for a shift in power, we no longer have much royalty, no kings or queens, no dukes or dutchess. We hardly had a leader, so a shift in power? What could it possibly be referring too? My internal power? Am I controlled by myself no longer? Will I lose or have I lost? Has it begun already, how will I know? Why can’t you come back and help me figure it out? Why couldn’t you have told me what power, why didn’t you help me figure it out before you left me. Why did you have to leave?    

Internal darkness, inside, in the town, within me, in the world. Why are there so many interpretations, so many options? It makes me feel so lost, useless, misfit of senses. Everyone else seems to know what they're doing, and yet I'm clueless. The sadness growing, nothing helps. Nothing gets my mind off missing the past. I was so foolish, I started a journey I would never be able to complete on my own, I would have to grow to become dependent, although I know I must not. Was I so desperate I managed to ruin my life? Should I have just left everything to run it’s own course and not try to figure it out? 

Is my desperation the key to all of this? Was my hopelessness the beginning? The first step? Did I trigger the start of this awful turn of events? Sometimes I wonder if I could have avoided all of this sorrow and misery. 

Maybe I am on the right track. You’ve captured my soul. You’ve stolen my will, my control over myself, could that be why I can’t stop thinking about you? You are the silver haired women. You came to me in my time of need and left me when I got what I thought I needed, on the blood moon, the red moon, the unexpected, marked a connection I thought we had, a strong connection at that. You left and I lost control didn’t I. That’s why nothing feels the same anymore, why I no longer fit in, why i'm never as happy as when you were here. My desperation turned into depression. It all feels like it's falling into place, the puzzle is slowly solving itself. You, it’s you, you are the prophecy aren’t you. There’s nothing I can do except wait for you. Your move.

May 19, 2020 16:52

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