cabin journey

I woke up cold, wet, hungry, and slightly disoriented.

‘Where was I’?

I slowly sensed that I had been lying on the cold, hard ground in the forest instead of my warm bed. 

 ‘What am I doing here?’ 

Slowly memories flooded back into my brain like waking from a strange dream.

I had been accused of something that I did not do. I escaped to the forest because of the gossip people were spreading about me. I needed time to think.

‘What should I do now? ‘Survive,’ I tell myself.

My name is Robert, and I was a high school teacher. I failed a student because she had copied her assignments, and I gave the proof to the principal. The student then accused me of making sexual advances toward her. The failure mark stood, but I was asked to stand down from my position for an investigation of the sexual allegation to go ahead. I was accused of something I did not do. I want to keep this diary as I want people to know what was happening to me. The writing will also help me clarify what I am feeling.

I panicked when the counselor told me students had started talking about me. They were spreading gossip. I needed to get away from all this notoriety. I cleaned out my bank account and packed my survival backpack. I went to the Canadian forest, which has always been my refuge. This wandering will allow me time to explore my thoughts and feelings after being wrongly accused of sexual harassment.

Last night I tossed and turned as I was having a nightmare.

In my dream, the principal summoned me to her office.

The student named Ann was sitting there on a chair near the window. The principal offered me a chair on the opposite side of the room, and she sat behind her desk.

“Ann, please repeat what you told me earlier.”

“Mr. Barr said he would fail me if I did not have sex with him.”

I was shocked and angry as I sat there stunned and listened as the principal went on.

“When did this happen? “she gently asked Ann.

“After class today.” she almost cried.

“I did not!” I blurted out.

‘You did.’ she screamed at me.

Then the principal asked, “Were you alone with him?”

“Yes! He said that he needed to talk to me.”

“I was not alone with you after class today as I left school early to attend a meeting.”

“You did! You want to have sex with me.”

“Ann, I told Mrs. Smith that you had copied your work and gave her the proof a week ago; she said she would talk with you.”

“You said you would fail me unless I had sex with you.”

“No! that is not true you are lying. I hardly know you. I did not say that to you at any time!” I tried to respond in a calm voice.

“Mrs. Smith, I am innocent of this allegation. I can’t believe what I am hearing. “I did not want to say anything more in front of Ann.

“That is all for now. Ann, will you please leave now and go to see the female counselor.”

Ann left the room. Still shocked, I just sat there stunned as she left.

The principal said, “Robert, Ann has accused you of sexual advances toward her. I must ask you to stand down from your position for an investigation to go ahead. You know the schools’ position; the School board must be informed.”

Unable to believe what I heard, I could only respond with, “I am being accused of something I would not and did not do.”

At this point, I awoke in a cold sweat from the dream. I had to get up and walk around to clear my head. I did not get back to sleep for the longest time.

I am healthy and fit as I write this entry in my diary. I will write more on most days about what is happening and what I am feeling. As I wandered in the forest, I was foraging for edible plants as I had studied Botany at university. I photographed the places I found for a record of my journey. I was sitting near my campfire after having an evening meal of roots, berries, and a fool hen I caught with a string noose sitting in a tree. We call these grouse ‘Fool hens’ as they are so easy to see. This was a good meal.  Being in the forest seems to drain away my worried feelings. I had better set up my sleeping arrangement. 

I plan to walk south tomorrow as the trees seem to thin out towards open patchy grasslands. This area of the patchy forest appeals to me as I can see more animal signs; I will stay for a few days to scout around. I need to fix my shelter if I stay here for a while. Last night I heard a coyote and an elk off in the distance. I do not have a gun, so I hope I do not meet a bear. 

My survival backpack had a Swiss army knife, a wire bush saw, a tarp, waterproof matches, three tins of sardines for an emergency, a small first aid kit, rope, wire, fishing line, hooks, string, and a rain poncho, colored pencils, notepad, binoculars, and camera. I carry a large hunting knife on my belt. I took ten photographs of flowering plants today for some sketching later.

The forest became denser, with birch and poplar trees scattered among the conifers. I soon made camp as it was getting darker earlier. Trout soup for dinner again while I smoked more fillets. 

I was settling down when I heard a rifle shot close by. My campfire was large tonight as it was colder, so I thought it would be visible from a distance. As I was eating, a voice called out to me, and a man appeared at my campsite.

He was in camouflage gear and carrying a hunting rifle. He was a middle-aged man about six feet tall with a friendly-looking face. I had been hunting myself many times, so I did not feel threatened. I invited him to have a hot cup of soup and asked if he was successful, as I had heard the shot. He said that he missed it as the deer was running. He thanked me for the soup as we exchanged greetings.

“I am Robert,” I said.

“I am George.” He replied.

He asked, “What are you doing out here? You do not look like a hunter?”

I said, “I am a photographer and artist looking at landscapes and plants.”

I asked, “Do you come from around here?”

He said, “No, but I am staying in a friend’s cabin about five miles west of here on the lakeshore. It is getting dark now. Would you mind if I stayed here tonight? I am tired, and we could go to the cabin together tomorrow?”

I said, “You are welcome to stay, and tomorrow we could travel to the cabin together.”

George cut some conifer boughs, unwrapped his sleeping bag, and settled near the campfire.

“Sleep well, George” as I settled down to sleep.

I wanted to avoid attracting more attention, so I agreed with his suggestion. After nearly a month of wandering in this wilderness, a cabin would be a good change for me. It will be winter soon.

I watched George go off in the motorboat, feeling good about this chance meeting and my change in fortune. I started making a list of supplies I wanted if I would stay in the cabin for an extended period. Food, art supplies, and a more extensive first aid kit came to mind. I toyed with buying a gun but decided against it even though I was competent with a rifle. I had made my bow and arrows. I will get some rubber to make a slingshot. 

It had been almost a week since I wrote the last entry. Sometimes time seemed to go by slowly when I had no structured workload. I tried to keep track of the days. The time passes as it is either day or night; I have no watch, radio, or electricity. I use the sun to gauge time when it is present. I am in the present. This experience reminds me of my time in the summers during my University days.

The weather has been blowing a blizzard today. The snow level had reached about two feet by the end of the day. The lake has been frozen since last week. I am glad I made snowshoes. I wanted to test the snowshoes as the wind had abated, so I started to walk slowly around the area.

It was so quiet out here that any sound instantly attracted my attention. I remember one night when I heard a wolf howl in the distance. Another time, I heard two rifle shots from across the lake. I was painting today when I heard a sound like a tractor. I went to the door to see two Skidoos coming up the lake from the direction of the trading post. They pulled up to the cabin. I had two visitors. I invite them into my cabin for a hot drink.

If I had kept track of the dates, It would be Christmas in a month. I had better practice again with the skis. I want to be able to go down to the trading post.

Christmas tomorrow!  I started skiing the twelve miles to the trading post area for the party.

After the Christmas party, I felt more strongly about the disconnection from people caused by my self-imposed isolation. I missed the social interactions. My mood had become as dark as the nights, which seemed longer after Christmas.

Writing this entry, I realize I have not painted or written much since I returned to this cabin. This lack of activity is contributing to my dark mood. It was a strange new feeling because I had begun to relish being alone. I am becoming depressed.  Something must unquestionably change.

Today is the day to leave my cabin home. I put on my survival backpack and began to walk down the twelve-mile trail to the trading post area. As I looked back toward the cabin, there were many thoughts and feelings that I will write about later.

When the School board reconvened their meeting today, I attended. The appointed investigator reported that the student had a difficult upbringing with an alcoholic father with indications of sexual abuse. The student also had accused other men of sexual advances whenever she was in trouble. He reported that I was at another meeting in the city when the student said I had made sexual advances. He noted that the students spoke very highly of Robert, and they respected him. I had no history of sexual misconduct. The school board meeting concluded that no further action would be taken. I was innocent of the allegation.

Going into the forest, I did the correct thing as it began a personal transformation. The self-imposed isolation in the wilderness with my diary writing reflecting on my unique feelings was positive. 

This is the last entry in my cabin diary.