The Personality of Chocolate

    “I’m looking for something different, not the usual-usual. Something Showing I care, I refrain from using the word love, because that is as nebulous as the description of chocolate. It leaves out, as there is no way to adequately capture the essence of the word, the emotional supposition involved. It has become more than cocoa seed growing from the Aztec history of South America, into a mental phenomenon that encapsulates the individual and the masses search for perfection, within the singular word, chocolate. Do you have anything like that?”

    Being a clerk is difficult because we are not trained as psychologists, psychoanalysts, or psychiatrists, and yet we are expected to navigate the personalities of customers using the presumptuous techniques of patrons. If I had to choose a means of interpreting desires, especially when it comes to love, I would choose the intricate persuasions of the backroom gypsy whose crystal ball draws from ancient past to illuminate the evolving present and its evolving citizenry, when it comes to amore. 

    My manager Mr. Clem, during this morning’s pep rally indicated that the only thing that matters is providing the service expected of those at Lucius Lucie's. LL is an establishment dedicated to the production of difficult to procure chocolates, and their accessories. He says we are not to fall into the traps set by the array of hearts and the devious motivations that cruse the counters looking for something that may or may not exist. “It is the chase,” he says, “that makes Lucie's unique.

    I spent the morning contemplating his warning as I pressed my uniform, spray starched my fountain cap, and made sure my apron was spotless and the Lucius Lucie's logo remained prominent and wrinkle free just above my heart. 

    I wished I had a better feeling about the day ahead. The day before Valentines Day, although not as Confucius laden as the day of, reminded me of last years last minute stampede. We close at 4pm. Although widely known by all, patrons seems for some reason to have discarded the notion. The lines began as usual to lengthen at 3:30pm. 

    I believe, as does Mr. Clem, that the disregard for closing protocol has something to do with the voting issues in the past election and the subsequent rules governing intimidation and food distribution, while waiting to participate in what some consider their God given right. I’m not sure I agree.

    I have noticed over the years that people seem to have grown more callus to the social norms that regulate behavior, not only during the voting process but when involved with purchases during, not only Valentine’s Day, but Christmas and Easter as well. 

    Road rage, although as yet has not entered the equation at Lucie's, but the emotional response to line changes, holding ones place, and purchasing more than what a normal human being would purchase, given the limited production for the day, have grown dramatically. 

    I can feel the tension build as the day wears on. The music although mesmerizing, did not seem to help. We have suggested updating the music menu as the times surely have changed since 92-year-old Lucie pranced around the sugar laden cases smiling like the cat that ate the canary. Our suggestions have literally fallen on deaf ears.

    My hope was that a change in the audio atmosphere might quell the animosity generated by the long lines and frequent disappointments encountered by those who wait until the last moment to prove their love through purchasing, it has not.

    Last years brawl, I dare call it that because of the damage, not only inflicted upon the patrons who participated, but the store and its merchandise in particular. Several people were arrested for larceny, many more for obscenity abuse, having to do with children being present and the improper use of expletives. All were released I heard, on their own recognizance. Although I escaped virtually unharmed, having been force fed white chocolate for a good ten minutes by one irate Mrs. Johnson, who claimed in her defense, to be allergic to white chocolate, and blamed me for being the “pusher” of the drug responsible for her ailment.   

    The wounds are as fresh today as they were on that day, and as I watch the line grow and feet begin to shuffle in anticipation of being disappointed, my anxiety level rises. I can smell it in the aroma infused air. Over the past several years we have had two of my fellow veterans succumb to nervous disorders attributed to chocolate distribution, and are presently on retail leave. 

    Mr. Clem in response to our reluctance to work Valentine’s Day, has offered essential worker pay, all free product that remained at the end of the day, an individual counseling. I couldn’t resist. There are worse ways to die I’m sure.

    So far we have had no gun violence associated with this most sugary of days. Despite the projections of early death due to sugar highs and premature tooth deterioration, chocolate remains the number one most sought after product used in the seduction of the timid and unsuspecting. Some legislators have suggested requiring danger labels on all confectionary products that have shown negative impact on the “free will” of the most susceptible. It is gaining momentum as the Dentistry Institute has joined the cause after purchasing major shares in Chocolates Anonymous.

    I have no idea where this chocolate phenomenon is headed. I can only hope people come to their senses and purchase early, relieving the anxiety not only for the patron but for those of us in the trenches. No one when young, and asked what they want to do when they grow up, say “ a chocolate provocateur.” Although there is a new course being offered next fall at the community college dealing with the psychosocial impact of chocolate and its purveyors, on the overall mental health of those predisposed to addiction. 

    Mr. Clem suggested we all consider enrolling, as the future of addiction looks as if it is on the “verge of exploding.” In order to accommodate the growth in the business, we are expanding. Mr. Clem believes mail order will be the wave of the future as people have grown used to the fact, because of the pandemic and the accommodations made to alleviate its affects; people will no longer have to leave their homes or apartments.

    Until that day arrives, we have initiated certain requirements to alleviate not only stress, but danger. Not only to ourselves, but patrons as well. We now have bars on the windows, require patrons remain six feet apart at all times, and have begun to sell home chocolate production kits; not to mention our new drive-up window. Once the new robots arrive I will be able to work from home, which will greatly improve not only my attitude, but allow me the time to search for a more challenging, hopefully less addictive means of employment.