To Rolling Hills of Wildflowers

[Trigger warnings: ideas of death, gun use]

It was a bright day when I was born, or at least that’s what Darla told me. The first sunny day after a long bout of rain. Mud puddles everywhere, but luckily lush patches of grass, too.

I have a faint memory of my mother. Beautiful, shiny black hair, but crooked ears. A hefty broad, who held her weight in all the right places. Nice wide hips and an outspoken demeanor. What I remember most distinctly were her eyes. Big and brown, like they knew what I was thinking. Always knew when I needed a snack or even a nice wash. Protective to a fault, but also wild.

I never knew my father. By the time I came along, he was gone. Darla told me I had older siblings, but I met none of them. They were all grown and busy making babies of their own. When I came along, my mother was advanced in her baby bearing years. The older she became, the crazier she got, or at least that’s what I overheard Boss Man say after the accident.

One night, my mother went out for a midnight walk where she shouldn’t have been walking. She hadn’t been thinking straight. But the pickup truck found her in the dark on the road and I never saw her again. I was still young, so I have to strain to remember her. But I remember her hair and those big brown eyes. I’ll never forget her big brown eyes, because Darla’s are identical, like they were cut from the same cloth.

Darla rescued me when I became an orphan. The Boss Man tried to dress me in a ratty, smelly coat and pawn me off on a new mother, but it didn’t work, and Darla took me in. She made sure my belly was full and secured me a room close to the main house. The only downside was I was alone most of the day. Darla either had school or had to help Boss Man, so that left me alone in my room for hours on end. Luckily, I had a good view of the place. So, I watched the spring kittens play in the yard and the dogs run through the garden sprinkler. My room was tucked in close to the driveway, so I looked forward to seeing the mailman every day and watched pickup trucks and trailers coming and going. Every so often, I’d get to see Boss Man. Evenings were my favorite, though, because I always got to spend time with Darla.

She was a chatty thing and hardly let me get a word in edge wise. She complained about Boss Man and told me about how she lost her momma, too, which made us alike. Her ramblings always meandered to talk of the big city she planned to escape to someday. Cities with buildings dwarfing the sky and so many people the noise made sleep impossible. The city didn’t sound like a place I’d like to visit, but her excitement made me eager for her. I enjoyed having someone to talk to. Darla’s big brown eyes made me feel seen, even if I wasn’t heard much with all Darla’s chatter.

When I reached adolescence, Boss Man gave me more freedom. I could roam more freely and didn’t have to stay in my room all day. I met some others my age, but they stuck close to their mothers, not that I blamed them. If I had a mother to stick close to, I would’ve, too. If it was up to me, I would’ve spent every minute with Darla. 

The land was so flat miles and miles rolled out around me, but down by the pond was my favorite place to explore. The pond was a murky mess, but if you waited long enough, fish revealed themselves and birds came to roost. On the hot days, when my raven hair dripped with sweat, I’d dip into the cool waters. Darla caught me once. I never went back in for any swims.

Aside from the occasional scolding, my life was simple. Just me and Darla. Occasionally Boss Man.

Then, one day, things changed. There was no logical reason for both of us to be walking along the fence that day. Close to a hundred times, I’d walked along the fence and had never come across another. But her chestnut red hair caught my attention. She looked to be about my age, and she looked down bashfully when I tried to make eye contact.

Lulu was new to these parts. Unlike me and Darla, Lulu was well traveled, but she didn’t mind me being a country bumpkin who had seen little more than my backyard. She didn’t talk about cities with extensive buildings, though. Instead, she talked about places with rolling hills of wildflowers and crystal clear, steady streams. 

That summer with Lulu passed so quickly. No longer were my bursts of joy limited to my morning visits and evening snacks with Darla. Now they included picnic afternoons with Lulu, always at our meeting spot along the fence line. We lazed our days away together. Without realizing it, my body had changed. No longer were my legs so spindly, but strong and lean. The dark hairs thickened. My shoulders and stomach had widened and with all the extra snacks Darla had been sneaking me, I’d gained a presence.

Soon the evenings started creeping in faster. The sun dipped a little lower a little earlier each day. Lulu no longer talked about adventures in the hills. Her thoughts had wandered to becoming a mother and starting a family, though she was young. While I’d never considered being a part of anyone’s family other than Darla’s, a life with Lulu made sense, too. We talked about the little ones we would have some day and occasionally Lulu would talk about taking us all to the beautiful hills and springs.

A day came when I sat by the fence, waiting for Lulu to start our picnic, but she didn’t show up. My head hung low as I ambled back toward the main house. The air was changing and I could feel the pressure changes in my bones. That evening Darla paid me extra attention, because I think she sensed I was feeling down. She told me school was starting back up again, and she wished I could go with her. Darla had a hard time making friends at school. I never understood that. Darla was my first friend in the world. How could anyone not fall in love with those big brown eyes? Boss man called for her from the main house.

Darla cried, and it nearly sent me mad. She cried about starting school and how things were going to change now. But Darla kissed me that night and my heart jumped out of my mouth, because while Darla’s kiss was nice, it just made me remember my missed picnic with Lulu.

I missed Lulu.

That night, sleep evaded me. The air was too cool. I’d gotten used to the summer heat and the autumn chill snuck in unannounced. No warning. No period to adjust. Just a chill.

Darla missed our morning time the next day. I saw the yellow bus pull up and take her away right after she offered me a backward glance and a wave. I called out to her, but she boarded the bus, anyway. Boss Man let me wander and I made a beeline for the fence, hoping Lulu was there.

From a distance, I could tell she was agitated and in distress. Her demeanor was off, and she couldn’t sit still. A long-forgotten memory of my mother tried to refocus in my brain. Lulu’s eyes were ablaze when I got close enough to talk. Lulu had pretty light eyes, normally. 

She told me horrid things. Why she hadn’t been at our picnic yesterday. Something about Boss Man and one of the fathers, but she wouldn’t tell me the entire story. She said she was ashamed. Then she moved on to Darla. My sweet Darla. Lulu said Boss Man and Darla were sending me off to be killed.

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow.

We had to leave tonight. Lulu and me.

Tonight?

Tonight.

Lulu had all the plans in place. She would come find me and we would run.

Confusion didn’t begin to describe my mental state as I traipsed back toward the main house. Darla was hanging near my room with a snack, home from school and looking down on her luck. Her big brown eyes sent my heart into overdrive. Lulu had to be wrong. Darla would never, ever do anything to hurt me, let alone kill me.

But after my snack, something was off. Darla led me to an unfamiliar room about the same size as mine, but with two other occupants. One had black hair like me, but the other had hair like Lulu’s. Darla offered no explanation. She just petted my wild black hair and ran toward to the main house. Tomorrow was another day of school, after all.

The two others wouldn’t talk to me. Their heads hung low. The sun set and darkness befell us. Three strangers huddled close, breathing shared air. I dozed as the round moon rose in the sky and dark clouds billowed, but I was on edge and every little sound disturbed me. I wasn’t used to this room or these roommates or any of the surrounding sounds.

Something was wrong.

Was Lulu right?

Just then, she appeared. She caught the attention of my two roommates before she caught mine. My mind was a jumbled mess, but it didn’t take her long to convince the other two to join us on our escape. They filed out before I even made a move to get up and join Lulu.

Her hard eyes found me through the darkness, questioning my lack of urgency. My mind hastened between quiet mornings with Darla and long afternoons with Lulu. It all sent my head into a spin, and I wasn’t even sure my legs would support me to follow Lulu.

But then she made a noise. A noise that told me she would not wait much longer. So I found my unsteady feet and followed her.

We found ourselves on a dark road with the moon as our only guide, though Lulu insisted she knew where she was going. My temporary roommates made no arguments and asked no questions, but followed as blind sheep. It rained. A car sped past, but we found refuge in the muddy ditch. Thoughts of my mother’s last moments entered my fraying brain. Had it been this same road I was on now where she’d met her fate? Would the same thing happen to us? Or would Lulu really be able to find us the hills and rolling streams?

A little while later, another car approached, so we made for the ditch again, but it didn’t speed by. Suddenly we were in a spotlight and a truck and four-wheeler surrounded us. Boss Man yelled over the din of the rain, but I couldn’t see him because of the blinding light. Desperately, I tried to stay on Lulu’s tail, but lost her in all the chaos. I found a fence and followed it and somehow ended up back in my room.

My room.

No two temporary roommates. No Lulu. No Darla. Just me in my room. Sleep overtook me when I laid down.

Darla’s voice, just outside my room, woke me in the morning. An odd sight greeted me with my dried mud-covered legs. The trailer I’d seen my whole life going here and there was pulled up to my room, with its door swung open. Its cavernous belly beckoned me in.

An empty feeling filled the pit of my stomach and a desperate desire to know where Lulu was.

I ventured towards Darla’s voice. She was crying again.

“Darla, honey, look at me,” Boss Man said. “Come here. I know you love Beau, but I told you when you started him as a bottle calf you couldn’t keep him as a pet. That was the deal. We’ve fed him as a fat steer and now it’s time. This is where his journey ends. You can say goodbye. Do you want to say goodbye? Or would you rather just go on off to school? Would that be easier?”

I never saw Darla’s big brown eyes again. Boss Man scared me onto that trailer and scared me off. I was somewhere I’d never been. So much concrete and a green maze, but no lush grass patches.

Then, I was stuck. I couldn’t move. No going forward and no going back. All I could do was thrash my head around and bellow and roar, but no one paid any attention. Until a strange man walked out in front of me. 

A gunshot registered in my ears and a pop of rolling hills with wildflowers passed before my eyes.