To Love from the Pines to the Oaks

Saying goodbye to him left me bitter and bare. The abundance of love that filled my heart when he smiled at me in the morning. I loved his calloused hands that warmed mine on fall nights and the comfort he spread through me.

I didn't know how to leave. How do you leave your soulmate? My entire life I was independent and searched for happiness within myself. While my friends cried over boys I cried over myself. I worked so hard to love me that I never needed someone else. To be honest, I never thought I would find someone who let me be me, the way I wanted. I didn't want a man to be dependent on, I wanted someone to love and coexist with, no breadwinner nonsense. I didn't want to be a stay at home mom, I wanted to travel the world and follow my dreams (I know, how millennial of me).

I had little crushes here and there, but nothing serious. I never had the gall to walk up to a guy, the confidence just wasn't there. I always thought, hey I'll do that when I look hotter. I was always making an excuse to continue to be shy.

When I saw him for the first time I though 'woah there', but of course, I wasn't going to act on it. Who do you think I am? I told my friends about him and they would say to talk to him as if it was that easy.

I'd say it started one night at the town bar. My friends and I loved this place, it was deemed our "Cheers". Mind you, we had been there approximately three times at that point. We had a plan that we would know the bartenders on a first name basis, beat some men at pool, and jam to some music with some G&T's, as my roommate would say.

One night my roommate and I were in an Uber, she was tipsy and said that she didn't want to look back at her 20's and be sad that she didn't do everything she had hoped. For some reason, it struck me coming from someone who inspired me to live my life more, so if she didn't feel like she was living up to the potential then what the hell was I doing?

So our Cheers plan was in full swing. One night we walked to the bar, got some drinks, and took a seat. We were jamming to some folk music when he walked in. I'd never seen him here before, what do I do? Do I say hi? Do I tell my friends? Do I look cute enough? How's my eyeliner?

I decided to give him a subtle wave, praying to god that he would wave back, if he didn't I might as well quit my job and move to Montana, start a life as a rancher, grow some crops, hike some mountains... honestly I started convincing myself that that was a good plan in the one second it took for him to wave back. But since he waved Montana was put on hold.

My roommates looked at him and then looked at me immediately knowing it was "the" guy. "Go talk to him!!" they said repeatedly and unfortunately not subtly. I kept shaking them off as I sat there, you know, trying to act calm as my chest broke out into hives. Maybe he'd think I got a sunburn and not that I get nervous at literally everything and my body dislikes me so much that it throws me under the bus with a bright red patch on my neck.

My roommate made me go with her to get another drink at the bar, conveniently where he was sitting with his friends. "Hey!" she said to him before I had time to process that I should moonwalk right out of this situation.

"This is my friend, Cassandra, I'm Kayla. What's your name?"

"Andrew", He replies shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you Andrew, Cassandra here is the best. She is so witty, smart, most of her jokes go right over my head" she says back while I stand there like a background actor.

"Hey, it's nice to see you," He laughs looking at me.

See me? He knows me? I was honestly concerned that he waved to me as a stranger to be polite. I ended up awkwardly making Kayla walk away with me, while I was incredibly embarrassed and honestly a bit flattered, witty you say?

After a few more drinks we were suddenly playing pool with Andrew and his friends. That was the start. The next few months were a blur, there was no awkward who should text who and is this too clingy, should I say this or that? It just fell into place and we were together constantly. I couldn't believe that I was so lucky, every day I woke up thinking it was a dream.

Months went on and things were still great until I got a job offer across the country. I didn't know what to say, I knew Andrew wouldn't want to go he was a New England man through and through. I had spent so much time and energy on my schooling and career, I never had a man until I met Andrew. I thought to myself daily after receiving the letter, would I be going against my morals to stay with a guy when I have the opportunity of a lifetime?

I sat in my kitchen drinking a cup of coffee contemplating my life decisions. We'd have to break up if I took this job, right? This isn't some love story like the movies where he stops me at the airport, right? Hey you, reader, I'm asking ya to tell me I'm wrong and that he will follow me to the airport!

But unfortunately, you know and I know that this story has already unfolded. Now, you'll just have to wait a minute and sit and watch the flight attendants' instructions with me until I can continue the rest of the story.