Erosion

Erosion doesn't necessarily have to be physical. The real, painful erosion is of the emotions, literally being stripped off of them and you are hurled into the hands of the frigid and the dark; no source of warmth.

. . .

The "L" word was cursed to him and undefined. He never experienced what the other blessed beings called 'love' ; he knew he could never win it. They say love comes with a price - but isn't that for those with the ability to pay? Johnny - 'Little Johnny' as he was called - never possessed a single silver coin that he could feel ever so prized with. Anything to pay for that round tangerine that his grimy fingers wrapped around. So how would he pay for love if he could not bare the price for this tangerine?

Love. Anyone knows how to say it. Pretend it. Fake it. But who could really say it from the heart? Who could really savor it and prove the true definition, the pure warmth and cocoon of this delicate and wrongly-handled word?

Despite all the circumstances, Johnny refused the rather degraded title of 'orphan'. It just meant 'the poor rascal out there' who roamed the streets - in Johnny's case - and sneaked nibbles of bread here and there, deprived of emotions. And when confronted, scurry away like a furtive mouse and down the sewers.

But it is rather the people - the blessed - who do not grasp the unfathomable blessings and miracles that have been bestowed upon them. They see what lies above - more and greater -, hunger and crave for worldly luxury. But they refuse, they cringe, to look down! Down where they step on and forget it even exists! Oh, look at the pure and sincere disgust evident on those arrogant souls while the innocent beings cry and ache.

. . .

Even the poor teddy that Johnny had so desperately clung to in the rise of the sun and the setting of the day was starting to become grey and matted, bald patches spread over the teddy. But that didn't affect Johnny, for it was the only source of solace, whether it was a century old or hadn't even a single hair.

Hugging the teddy, Johnny looks up at the night sky, wishing and supplicating at the winking radiance spilled over the vast inky heavens overhead. Every night, he prayed - oh, how urgently he prayed! - with deliberate longing for a family, hands clasped and heads rests against each other.

People looked down at Johnny and those of his likes in disdain and such loathsome eyes; the same eyes that they greedily eye the fruits of this fantastical world. Food, food, food. Love, love, more. Even if it's studying. That is the mere blessing that no one ever realizes or feels. Being literate on its own is a great blessing to be gratified and delighted for!

Coming from Missy's Refuge didn't mean you had a family. It meant that you had to help out in familial responsibilities rather than making a family. Once the true family dissolved, once the family that you were raised up in faded, there was no seeking another one. One may seek and seek, just like these little orphans and our Little Johnny, but what would be the miracles of such ventures?

"All I want is a h-home," Little Johnny squeaks, clinging on to his dear teddy with his dear life. "L-love and a f-family."

But all he got was being pushed around by the bigger guys. Little Johnny, of course, thought this was how brothers were - playful and robust. Years and years progress before one may reflect on the apologies of his experiences.

"M-miss? Miss, when is Mommy coming to get me?" Little Johnny cries, tugging on Miss Geraldine's skirts.

"Oh, you little germ!" shrieks Miss Geraldine, her face scrunched in pure disgust while she adjusts her grip on the laundry basket, where dirty clothes pile up and fall over the basket's brim.

Little Johnny looks up to her with beady round eyes. "Wh-when am I g-going home?" There was a short string of hope laced through his voice, but it was immediately knotted at Miss Geraldine's grouchy response.

"You aren't," she snorts and gives him a long glare of abhorrence before strutting away. A tear cracks down Johnny's face before he waddles to another lady.

"Ma'am! Ma'am, when, when will I be part of my family a-again?" Johnny urges while he pulls on the lady's hand.

"Oooh, lookie you!" Lady Jane kneels to the little boy's face level.

There is a certain desperation spilled in Johnny's eyes as he repeats, "When is Mommy coming to take me h-h-home?!"

"How 'bout you go 'round there and clean up with d'thers?" Lady Jane avoids his question and jerks her head to where the big boys cleaned the corridors, sneers and laughter smeared across their face, transmitting a shudder to unravel down Little Johnny's spine.

"All I w-want is my family!" Johnny sincerely pleads, "Take me back h-home!"

Lady Jane guides Johnny to where the big boys conversed. Upon Johnny's arrival, their faces contort to repulsion and their gaze travels up and down dear Johnny, as if he were a new alien species.

"What's your business in here?" the 'biggest' of the boys steps to Johnny's 4'6 petite figure.

Trembling with fright, Johnny squeaks, "Lady Jane s-sent me - "

Scoffs and jeers erupt in the air as another boy interrupts, "Some more trouble, I see." A broom is immediately thrown to Johnny, who swiftly dodges it with fear.

"Get into it, big boy," one boy mocks before shoving Johnny forward, who hesitantly wraps his fingers around the broom, while his mind wails for sincere longing.

. . . Later - 4 years . . .

It was a certain ache that couldn't be healed by medicine or prescription. A lone, despairing heartache. Nausea swirls unrestrained in Johnny's empty stomach as he distantly gazes up to the small beam of light that struggled to stream through the barred window centered in the ceiling. The wooden planks blocked the moonlight with such aggression, that only a feeble lace of pale silver tickled Johnny's gaze.

"Jonathan? Come here!" an urging whisper ushers. Startled, Jonathan's panicking gaze darts around the dispersed shadows.

"Who a-are you? S-stay away from me!" cries Johnny.

"Shhhh! I'm here to help!" a young girl appears with a beam plastered across her face. Before Johnny protests, the girl who appears to be around 15 wraps her fingers around Johnny's shaky hand. Suddenly, they are both cycloned in winds of different frequencies as the sounds of waterfalls mingle with the tornadoes.

"Where are we going?" cries Johnny, his eyes frantic and pleading.

The girl giggles and skips in front of him, "We're here!" Johnny looks around, awe seeping into his nerves. Strange feelings and emotions occupy him as he watches crystal orbs bobbing in the air.

"Where... what is this place?"

Dancing towards Johnny, the girl holds his hand again and runs with him across the clouds. "So here's what's happening with families around here! Some are happy, some are gloomy, some are dysfunctional... oh! And by the way, my name is Isabel!" she explains in a jittery voice. "I'm so glad you're here, Jonathan!"

"Um, it's Johnny. A-and how did you kn - "

"Oh, come on, who doesn't know your name?!"

Of course she had to know his name. It was all over the city on flyers searching for him due to all the missing and stolen goods Jonathan had sneaked.

Isabel runs her fingers over the smooth transparent orbs floating towards them. "Johnny," Isabel coughs, a slight trace of seriousness evident in her voice. "Not all families are what you think."

So that was what this is all about. Lifting a stumbling orb from the clouds where they stood, Isabel sighs and continues. The sphere is dark and grey while storms brew on the surface. Looking closer at the delicate ball held in Isabel's fingers, Jonathan comments, "I-is that how a f-family actually is?" If you were to scrutinize the crumbling orb, you would find the image of a sullen mother brooding over her son; a young boy resting in a hospital bed with tubes and wires attached all over his body.

Exhaling in distress, Isabel gently places the fading orb back to its place. "No. This is just one of the varieties of how a family works. The mother is crying over her dead son who died from cancer. The hope of the mother is dissolving, just as this orb is, and it's tearing up the family. Her husband..." Isabel crouches beside the orb and swipes her fingers to the left before quietly continuing, "is fighting a war. Defending his country. But she fears, she loses hope in his arrival."

Little Johnny swallows the lump in his throat and follows Isabel, who shows him another orb. Instead, this one is full of sunlight and meritorious beams splinter outside the layers of the strongly protected sphere.

Jerking back and covering his eyes from the sharp light, Johnny exclaims, "Why is it s-so bright?!"

Isabel, however, just stares distantly and warmly into the orb that she delicately handles in her hands. "The force of the marriage." Slowly peeking from his hands, Johnny nears towards the ball and feels the rays' heat casted over his face.

"When the bride and the groom hold hands," Isabel starts to exclaim in a soft and gleeful voice, "the light and joy from their souls are transmitted and blend with each other. The force is so strong that it usually may even break through the crystalline layers."

It was just now that Little Johnny had become aware of the zillions of orbs smoothly floating in the air. Some orbs' surfaces gently clash with each other while others crash and burn into ash.

"What about for those wh-who..." Johnny looks down at himself and forces in a hoarse whisper, "d-don't have a family?"

Isabel glances at him and lets the radiant orb royally float before the others. "Then they're lost. They wander through the woods, searching and worrying. There are forked paths, a ton of them. And straight paths. But usually, they choose the wrong turns and the wrong twists. They end up where they started. And the whole journey repeats itself before the poor child wears off and... fades from the earth."

Jonathan blinks at Isabel and whispers, "H-have I taken the wrong path? D-do you know?" His croaking voice echoes through the air.

"Say, how old are you, boy?" Isabel cocks her head while she strolls past the orbs.

"I'm th-thirteen," Little Johnny whispers so quietly, almost shamefully. "I j-just w-want - "

"You want a family, don't you?"

The word family rings through Johnny's ears and a light flicker of hope sparks in his soul. "Y-yeah! When will I get one!"

Sighing, Isabel doesn't look up from a colorful orb that she holds in her hands. "A family isn't something that you just... get."

"It isn't something I earn e-either."

Isabel nods grimly as she rolls the stem of a flower between her fingers. Its leaves are shriveled and wrinkled, most of them already fallen off. "This is you. This is those who are lost and yearning for a family. See how lifeless and ragged they are?"

Johnathan swallows and allows her to resume.

"As time progresses, as they search everywhere for a family, each of those once-colorful leaves fall," Isabel resumes, plucking off the distressed leaf, which slowly waves in the air before alighting beside Isabel's feet. "They need to be put back in the soil, with roots that venture and tangle down the earth's surface. Something to hold them in place. And then they need water, an occasional replenishing of water. Yes?"

Nodding slowly, Johnny exhales impatiently and blurts, "I r-really need to go h-home. I've... wasted enough t-time."

What good is longing without action? Hope is just a beam in the distance to guide you, but how long will that beam shine? On some days, dark clouds will block its radiance. On some days, it shines fiercer and fiercer. But the destination will not move any closer until you take the first step. It can move further, of course, and rarely will it move closer without you initiating that progress.

"You're walking in a straight line, Jonathan," Isabel suddenly speaks, her voice sharp and unwavering. "Two steps forward, three steps back.

Jonathan lowers his head. "I know. I wish I can at least go in circles, but I'm stuck."

Sometimes you need a nudge or even a push. But you'd have to have the right thing that would push you forward, else, it may divert you and trap you.

"Why did you take me here?" Johnny finally questions.

The atmosphere allows silence to sink in; only the sounds of dark orbs crashing penetrates the quiet.

"Because," Isabel finally starts, "because you have the wrong definition of a family. It isn't just hugs and kisses, Jonathan. It isn't just love and care. There is more to it. There is responsibility."

That was the vague notion Little Johnny had when he was nine, a small cowering figure. However, no longer little, Johnny details his thoughts on a true family. "I know. That isn't what I long for. I y-yearn for someone... a true heart and steady love to teach me the wonders of this world and the darkness that fills every corner. Just someone to teach me the blessing in disguise and the disaster in the dress." Johnny starts to aimlessly pace around, his head laden with tangled words. "I want someone to guide me but not take it as advantage. Is that a family?"

"What you should ask is," Isabel locks her gaze with Johnny's, "if there is anyone like that."

Not allowing a drop of silence, Jonathan immediately responds, "I know I'll try to be that person, because I know. I know what people want, I know what others like me want. I want to be that person for someone, okay? If I can't get one, I can at least be one."

Imagine all the hearts eroded by the pains and oppression in this world. The world has never been any darker - but it continues to get darker. This cruel world is what the police should be after. But it's also something one cannot arrest. Those who rip your family apart slice off a layer of your heart repeatedly, every day and every night. But one can't just leave all these once bright hearts to crumble. One cannot just leave all these poor souls to surrender and despairingly cry to those who won't even bother to glance down at them.

"Follow the light, Johnny. When it darkens, light it back up. Your heart itself will brighten it or darken it. It all depends on you. Now pull yourself together and climb. When you fall, brush yourself back up and climb."

. . .

It is our role to give one another hopes and hold each other hands. Together we must break through the constant boulders without shattering ourselves or losing grips of others. Let's tether the evil together and extinguish it with peace and affection. Let's be the person who we want others to be.

No one will make this world the way we want it...

...except if we cooperate together.