Adopt a Space Alien

      Fiona was feeling desperately lonely, when the television seemed to speak directly to her via advertisement like it could read her mind. The screen showed small, colorful, gelatinous creatures with large sparkling eyes. They babbled and cooed like babies, and looked at everything with affectionate wonder. 

           “Do you often feel alone? Do you feel like no one understands you?” The advertisement asked.

           “Yes. Yes,” Fiona sighed.

           “Do you long for a companion? Someone who is easy to talk to?”

           “Yes.”

           “We have an answer for you.” The spokesman assured her. “Intelligent beings from True Blue Planet 42 are looking for homes. You can help and be rewarded! They need homes and you need companions. Would you like to raise a baby Squishy? Or house an adult friend? These intelligent beings are capable of learning language, culture, etiquette, and family roles in record time. You’ll forget they aren’t human!”

           The screen showed a timelaspe of a tiny green gelatinous blob morphing into the mold of a human man. The man was still a bubbly, gelantious figure, but with arms, legs, hands, feet, and facial features. He even had a wave of green gel hair. The advertisement showed human couples fawning over their Squishy babies, and adults talking animatedly with their intelligent pals.

           Fiona’s heart ached with longing to smile like those people did. She never really had a best friend or someone she could trust. Often she wondered what it would be like to have someone so excited to see her. Someone she’d be so eager to talk to. When the advertisment revealed an open house day, she jotted down the address and searched the directions. This could be her chance to finally have something special. A chance to finally feel special.

           On the morning of the open house, she couldn’t even eat. Her crisp brown, buttered toast sat untouched. Her house smelled of sugary coffee she never even drank. Clutching her purse with white knuckled hands, she headed to the warehouse.

           She parked her car in the sprawling lot, then lingered a moment by each trash can she passed. Her stomach tossed wildly and she feared the rise of stinging bile from her throat. Attempts at deep breathes, turned into quick, panicked sucking of air. Then gasping. Her fingers ached from digging into the leather of her purse.

           The line stretched for what looked like a mile. Fiona felt lightheaded and a little like the world was shifting from side to side. She muttered to herself, “I really should have eaten something.”

           A separate crowd gathered alongside the line. They all held signs and some held megaphones.

           One of the sign holders approached a couple standing in front of Fiona. “Don’t you want a human baby? We have so many infants that need homes. You look like a nice couple. We could probably send you home with one today.”

           The woman hid her face in her partner’s shoulder, and Fiona could hear her whisper, “Get her away from us.”

           “We’ve made up our mind.” The man said with a shrug.

           “This is ridiculous!” The sign holder yelled. She turned to Fiona. “Do you know couples are surrendering their human babies for adoption so they can get an intelligent being instead?”

           Fiona shrunk into herself.

           “We can give human babies to single parents too.”

           “I’m not here for a baby,” Fiona said quietly. Then even softer, she added, “I just want a friend.”

           The sign holder threw up an arm and stomped to the next couple.

           A sign holder approached them from the other side. “You people make me sick. Don’t you see how this is trafficking? The intelligent beings should have a say in where they live and with who!”

           “What makes me sick is all you people harassing us!” The man in front of Fiona yelled.

           “I’m standing up for their rights. Someone has to! They are living things. Not accessories. Not toys!”

           “We’re helping them out too!” The man yelled back.

           A security officer zipped over on a hoverboard. With the armor suit covering the officer from head to toe, Fiona couldn’t even tell if they were human or robot.

           “Back up. Give some space.” The officer wedged between them. The sign holder huffed and walked away. The officer zipped over to solve another problem.

           “It’s a bit intense here,” Fiona said.

           The couple either didn’t hear her or ignored her.

           Groups of sign holders continued to approach them. Some encouraged them to use friend finder groups, but Fiona had tried all those already without success. She attended events, but often was the only one to show up in person. She tried community athletic groups, but they always had some expert level player who couldn’t handle her inability to perform at a pro level. Sports were not her thing, but she wanted people to spend time with. Sometimes she even went as far as to sit near groups of friends at restaurants or bars, eavesdrop on their conversations, and imagine what she’d say in response. She pretended to be one of them, until it became too obvious she wasn’t. For most people, making friends didn’t look this hard, but she couldn’t figure out what she was doing wrong. What if the intelligent being doesn’t even like me?

           Another sign holder appeared in front of her. This one had a warm smile and gentle green eyes. Her honey colored hair was pulled back into a sunflower barrett. Fiona loved the rose colored dress she wore. The woman held an Oreo colored guinea pig close to her heart. 

           “Have you considered a pet? We have so many dogs and cats that need homes.” The woman’s voice was concerned and passionated.

           Fiona hadn’t thought of a pet, and didn’t really see how a pet would be comparable, but she felt drawn to talk to this woman. “I…I don’t know much about pets.”

           “We have a whole trailer full here. How about looking around? If you don’t find one for you, you can always get back in line.”

           Fiona looked back. While she still couldn’t even see the door to the warehouse, a line of a hundred people trailed behind her. Getting out of line wasn’t a good idea. Then she looked at the woman, and that twinkle of kindness in her eyes melted her.

           “My name is Emma. This is Kurtis.” She nodded towards the guinea pig and then stroked his back.

           A man walked too close to Fiona and shouted in her face. “Wanting an alien friend is pathetic! You’re a loser. They deserve better.”

           “What’s your problem?” Emma yelled at him. The man was easily over a foot taller than her but she stood up her tip toes trying to reach his eye level. Her eyes glared into his. “You know nothing about her.”

           “These people are in line to buy friends. That’s all I need to know.”

           “Making friends is hard and there’s nothing wrong with wanting them. Since you’re clearly blessed with so many, maybe you should be cherishing your time with them instead of hurting others.”

           “Like you have a hard time making friends? You’re too hot.”

           Emma looked at Fiona like what-the-hell-is-up-with-this-weirdo. “Well, I’m guess I’m asking too much, but I kind of want more from a friendship than people thinking I look good. How does looking a certain way even mean anything with friends?”

           The man waved his hand dismissively at her. “You’re a stupid bitch.”

           “Ah, there’s the comeback I was waiting for,” Emma laughed bitterly. The man stomped off to bother someone else. “What an idiot. Don’t worry about any of that.”

           Fiona shifted her weight. Her fingers tugged at the ends of her pale purple sleeves.

           “Let me show you some cute kitties and puppies!” Emma spun around and walked towards the trailer.

           Fiona looked back again at the line, debated staying, but then followed her. What am I doing? I’ll never get a friend this way.

           Emma looked back and flashed her a bright smile. “You know what you’d like? We started these chat groups for new pet owners. I’ve been hearing great things.”

           “That’s cool,” Fiona practically whispered.

           “It’s so great to be able to ask questions, share photos, cheer on successes, and all that.”

           Fiona imagined Emma would make a good cheerleader with her endless perky charm. “Are you in any of the groups?”

           Emma laughed. “I’m in them all, actually. I’m such a dork. I know.”

           Fiona felt like her heart was smiling. Listening to Emma, all the worry and stress faded away. Do I really want a pet though?

           They stepped into the trailer and a thick cloud of animal odor. Fiona coughed and stepped back. Then her nose adjusted and she slowly crept forward. The trailer was decorated with strings of white lights. The toy littered floor and brightly colored blankets gave a cozy, fun feel.

           “This is Captain Mittens!” Emma gestured to the first enclosure. Peering inside, Fiona saw a small black kitten with a white stripe, slightly resembling a lightning bolt, running down the center of his face. His bright blue eyes overwhelmed her with adoration.

           “He’s so fuzzy.”

           “He’s only a month old.”

           “Can I─”

           “Of course!”

           Fiona reached in and felt the soft fur. The kitten looked up at her curiously. She lifted him and pulled him to her. His body vibrated with a soft purr. She noticed his paws looked like mittens. A new feeling consumed her heart.

           “Next to him, we have the Spectacular Mr. Speckle!” Emma pulled Mr. Speckle from the cage. He was a spotted hound dog puppy.

           Fiona followed Emma looking into all the enclosures, but Captain Mittens never left her hands. After seeing all the animals, Emma gave Fiona a sly smile like she knew something Fiona didn’t.

           “I think he likes you,” was all she said.

           “What does he need?”

           “Plenty of water, food, and a liter box. Cats are fairly independent, but they love attention too.”

           At first Fiona came in here as a way to become close to Emma, and she still desired that, but that wasn’t the reason Captain Mittens stayed in her hands.

           “Is it wrong?” Fiona asked.

           “What?”

           “To buy a pet so I won’t be lonely. Those people…”

           “Don’t listen to them about that. It’s totally human and normal to want social interaction. As long as you care for and love this kitten, that’s what he wants too.”

           “They say we treat the…intelligent beings like toys or accessories.”

           Emma frowned. “The cats and dogs are looking for homes. They want someone to take care of them. Those beings from Planet 42 were stolen from their homes. We know nothing about them.”

           “Would he be happier in the wild?”

           “Wild cats? Yes. He isn’t a wild cat. He probably wouldn’t do so well.”

           “Sometimes it feels like we’ve made a mess of things. Humans I mean.”

           “Maybe.” Emma gently massaged the head of a small gray kitten.

           “I’ll do everything I can to make Captain Mittens happy though. Give him the best life.”

           Emma smiled and her shoulders raised as she perked up. “I know you will.”

           Fiona snuggled Captain Mittens close to her chin as they walked to the car. She filled out all the paperwork and filled a bag with starter supplies. Captain Mittens purred the whole way.

           They passed a couple walking with a bright purple intelligent being tucked into a stroller. The couple laughed and talked about their evening plans. Fiona glanced at the little creature. The creature grinned mischievously. From what Fiona would call it’s stomach, something stringy poked through the skin and danced in the air around it. It reminded her of jellyfish stingers. Captain Mittens hissed and dug his claws into Fiona's shirt. Before she could say anything, the creature absorbed the tentacles into itself again, and the couple continued past her. That was weird. That was so weird.

           Captain Mittens adjusted to his life in Fiona’s house quickly. In a few short hours, he stumbled around in his uncoordinated walking style, like a king. He climbed, clawed and chewed nearly everything in his line of vision. Fiona sent question after question to her chat group.

           Cat-Casey: Yeah…cat’s are basically little terrorists. No one told you that part? LOL

           Lyle: That’s kittens for you. It gets easier. Don’t worry.

           Emma: You should watch this video. She’s the best at this stuff!

           Fiona smiled. The chat group had taken her under their wing immediately. She loved seeing their pictures. Someone even organized a play date she planned to attend. Emma rsvped to be there.

           Since Captain Mittens finally curled up for a nap, she plopped down on the couch next to him. “I’m so glad you’re here, little guy.”

           She turned on the TV to a breaking news report.

           “Hey everyone. This is Burt Kelly. I’m totally not the regular news anchor. I’m…well, the camera man. Something is happening though and our anchors are…a bit tied up. Bleep, I can’t do this. You’d think after years of watching, but it’s like…when you’re in the passenger’s seat of a car you don’t pay attention to directions. I watched the news anchors, but…” Burt rubbed the dark stubble on his chin. “Look, folks. To be frank, we’ve been betrayed. Those little bleepers. Can’t swear on live tv. Got it! Those intelligent beings outsmarted us. Staged a little coup if you will. Found their way into about sixty percent of our households in under a month as these cute little squishes. Now, we’re under attack. It’s brutual.”

           The camera cut to live footage of a pale pink gelantious blob opening up it’s long tentacles and zapping the life out of it’s human parents in an instant. Power or venom or something like that seemed to be surging through the stingers. They’re like jellyfish! Dangerous jellyfish!

           Burt came back on screen, adjusting a tie that definitely wasn’t tied the right way. “If you were smart enough to avoid letting one of these into your homes, I’d recommend locking your doors for now. Keep them out.”

           Fiona jumped up and ran around the house checking all the windows and doors. Normally she kept them locked, but knowing for sure seemed critical. By the time she made it back to the television, the screen had turned blank.

           Fiona: What's happening out there?

           Emma: Are you all safe?

           Cat-Casey: This is so weird!

           Lyle: I’m safe. Glad I have all of you.

           Cat-Casey: Safe here too. Man, I’m happy I passed on one of those.

           Fiona: Me too. I locked all the doors. But they’re like jelly. Can they get under doors?

           Emma: I’ll find out everything I can. Keep in touch! Let me know anything.

           Fiona curled around Captain Mittens with her phone in hand. She breathed in a deep, calming breath. The news left her trembling, but one feeling was notable absent. She wasn’t alone anymore. There were people to turn to, and people to care about. Then there was Captain Mittens. A sense of purpose fired through her as she watched that little ball of fur sleep. She’d do anything to protect that kitten.