The perfect world gone wrong

TW: Bullying, suicidal thoughts/mentions, abuse, gore, character death, emotional distress, mild cussing, mental illness

My life is absolutely perfect! I have the most loving family, an amazing boyfriend, and it's my birthday today! My family thought for my 19th birthday, we could spend time together through the day, go to an amusement park, and have a day out, and then I could invite all my friends to a party tonight to celebrate with them!

Now, we're on our way to pick up my boyfriend to take to the amusement park, because of course, he's family! Today could never be as good as it's going to be without him. He makes my everything so fun, and wonderful, and he just fills me with a sense of happiness I've never experienced before! He makes me feel whole.

We've been together for almost 4 years, and they have been the absolute best 3 years of my life. We met at school, and in all honesty we didn't like each other at first. Overtime though, we partook in a few school projects together, he helped me with some people I was having trouble with, and I helped him when he was struggling with his divorcing and rather unpleasant parents.

We helped each other, and slowly grew closer, and eventually we went from disliking each other, to becoming friends, to more. He's now planning on moving in with my parents and I within the month, and then after that, we plan to work towards getting our own home to call our own.

We both managed to get a job together a few weeks ago at a donut shop, and it's been so great. The manager is nice, the customers are great, and while some customers aren't so great, we never let it get us down! Even when is made us sad, or angry, or upset, we help lift each other up and brighten even the darkest of days!

And trust me, we’ve had our dark days. He’s struggled with his parents, and some days he couldn’t go home. Days where he’d be at my doorstep with a black eye, or a busted lip, or with tears running down his face as he pleaded to be allowed to stay. My family and I always allowed him to stay, and it broke my heart to see him so torn apart and hollow. I couldn’t understand how anyone could treat such a beautiful person, someone so kind and loyal, like a punching bag. Look down on his wonderful face and think such vile things of him. All I could ever do is look up to him, aspire to be such a loyal, gorgeous, kind person. I despise those who have planted the seed of self hatred he holds for himself. While those who have harmed him have forced him to believe in his worthlessness, my eyes only see a priceless gem among the coal.

My darkest days, on the other hand, have included being attacked in bathrooms, spoken ill of in the hallways, and only being able to escape it all within the safety of my own home. 

The first time my lover helped me in school, I was rather surprised. I had been cornered in a classroom, backed in a corner where I couldn’t escape. All I could do was prepare myself for whatever vile things that were to come. They spoke words of venom, all things telling me how worthless I was, how no one wants to be around me. I felt a rare bubble of bravery within me, and made an attempt at getting them to back off. The moment the words fell from my tongue, I felt a sharp pain on the side of my face and before I knew it I was on the floor. I knew I had made a mistake. The words that came after were truly what made my world stop.

“Why don’t you do the rest of the world a favor, and kill yourself. We’d all be better off without you.”

The concept had never been brought to my mind, until that moment. I thought of all the things I had to deal with at school, and all the trouble I seem to cause. I felt the blood drain my face as the idea became overwhelmingly real to me. My parents might miss me, but they have my younger brother to help them, they wouldn’t be without a child.

I was unable to think another thought before a loud crash was heard in front of me. I was snapped out of my daze and flinched, thinking they were going to hurt me again. With the absence of pain, I peaked through a squinted eye to see a figure standing in front of me. They must have hit me harder then I originally thought, because I wasn’t processing everything that was being said properly, only patches of speech were heard.

There was yelling, and someone shouting for someone to stay out of it, another crash, and then quiet. Only a hand lifting my chin brought me closer to concentration, the concerned look of a Noah Salvely, my now boyfriend. His brows were furrowed, and lips were pursed. He spoke softly to me, using his sleeve to wipe the blood dripping from my nose. I hadn’t noticed my nose was bleeding. He helped me up, helped me to the office, and has barely ever left my side since. I think he worries that if he did, then I would be attacked again. 

It wasn’t too long after that, we were sitting in a park. The sun setting, the cold winter air growing bitter, and we sat on a swing set enjoying the soft fall of snow. He asked if I would like him to walk me home, and I told him I would go home later. Something in my tone must have caught his attention, because immediately sat back down next to me. I was unsure what he was doing, he needed to get home, have dinner, do whatever else he needed to do, but he sat with me anyways. It was silent for at least a good 20 minutes, or at least that’s what i thought. I didn’t notice too much, I was too tired. Too tired of everything. I have gone on a downward spiral since my last encounter with those assholes and I dwelled on their words too much to not think they were right. Noah broke the silence, catching me off guard. 

“I don't want you to do it.” I looked at him in a nervous confusion, rubbing the back of my neck.

“I’m not too sure what you mean by-” I began saying, before he interrupted me, voice slightly raised in almost a panicked tone.

“I don’t want you to kill yourself.” I was baffled at his tone. I hadn’t expected him to clue on so fast. I felt my face pale and a cold shiver run down my spine. I tried my best to disregard the comment, let the conversation roll over the subject at hand. He didn’t let me change the conversation topic though. He was suddenly in front of me, holding my face in his hands to stop me from avoiding his gaze, as if trying to transfer his message directly into my mind.

“You need to promise me that you won’t do it. You need to promise me that you won’t try killing yourself right here and now. There are people who would miss you.” I scoffed at his words, not believing his words, and trying my best to hold back the dam of tears threatening to burst at any second.

“Who on Earth would miss me? There’s not much to miss..” I trailed off, confusion setting in as I noticed a glaze in his eyes, like his tears were threatening to spill over as well, but I couldn’t understand why he would. It wasn’t until he said the next few words that my heart shattered and the dam burst. His breath hitched and his lips trembled.

“Me…I would miss you. Our banter, jokes, the jokes we bounce back and forth, being able to see each other and hang out with you. I would miss you.” He bit his lip, trying and failing to hold back his emotions. 

With the both of us being sniffling messes, I hugged him and sobbed in his shoulder. I promised I would try for him. To stay and fight for him.

That was the start of us growing close and creating a bond that to this day will never break, and could never be replaced. He saved me, and I saved him. And together, we plan to make each others lives happy, healthy, and whole together.

Oh, we’ve arrived at his house now! I cannot wait to see him. I’m so excited, today's gonna be perfect, and the rest of our lives will be perfect too. I jump out of the car to greet him. Noah looks both ways before crossing the road. He smiles and waves, making his way to me. 

A loud screech suddenly fills the air and I see a car round a corner, obviously not seeing Noah, who was almost across, and I don’t even have a chance to warn him, before the car collides his body. It rolls over the bonnet of the car, and I watch in horror as his body twists and contorts at the impact. A crackling sound occurs as he rolls over, the sound pauses for a moment, before his body limply lands on the ground in front of me. The air leaves my longs, I forget how to breath. His mangled body lays before me, obvious that he was dead on impact. His eyes were rolled to the back of his head. Well, the one that wasn't smashed inside his skull was at least. I could see this liquid oozing from the side of his head and every bone seemed twisted in some sort of way.

I dropped to my knees, unable to hold myself up. I couldn’t care less about the gravel tearing the flesh of my knees, I grab his hand and beg him to wake up. He has to wake up. I need him, just like he needs me. We had plans, wishes to do together. He couldn’t leave now, not when I needed him most. The world around me was crumbling. I couldn't breath properly between sobs, shaking hard and unable to see from the tears flooding from me. I thrashed against my parents who were pulling me away from him. They couldn’t do this to me, they couldn’t keep me away from him. He Liked me holding his hand when he was hurt. He liked me kissing his hand and tracing shapes in his palm after I helped fix him up. I have to be there for him so I can comfort him, who else will? Who else will tell me to not apologize for things, and to take care of myself, and share everything with. Who will I cuddle and love and cherish now? Who will help me keep that promise I made? The one thing keeping me alive? My whole world has turned upside down, and this is not a life I want to live. Not without him. I just want to wake up from this nightmare in his arms, his voice soothing and reassuring me that it was just a dream, so I could snuggle into his chest and drift off into a peaceful sleep.

I notice a small bag just a distance from him. I break the hold my parents had on me and I rush to the bag and back to him, sitting beside him again. I reach into the blood covered bag and grab a hold of a card and a small box. With trembling hands, I open the box and see a beautiful ring. My breath hitches, and I see a birthday card with a happy birthday, and out of the whole message on it, only 4 words towards the end catch my eye. 

“Will you marry me?”

It feels as if my insides are caving in on themselves. My family gives up on trying to drag me away, and only comfort me until the ambulance arrives. He never receives any sort of justice, as the driver never stopped to help. They left as quickly as they had arrived. None of the things I had planned happened that day, and I had to figure out what I was going to do with my life now. Or, figure out whether I was going to remain in it for very long or not. I don’t think I’m going to survive for very long.

Happy birthday to me, I suppose.