The Best Cat Fight Ever

        The Best Cat Fight Ever

Suzanne Marsh

“Diamond” Lil was not a woman to anger, she fought to keep her saloon “Diamond” Lil’s Palace on the right side of the law. Sheriff Jed Smith strode into the bar, his guns strapped to his slim waist; he and Lil had become friends over the years, years he remembered as good ones. They were both growing older; Lil was a beauty in her day. He strode over toward where Lil stood at the bar:

“Hey Lil, how’s business?” Lil turned to face her old friend: “Ain’t good Jed, got me a real

hotheaded, bothersome saloon girl, I never should have hired her but times are tough. I have been

tryin to keep my temper but if she keeps a pushin me I gonna halfta push back.”

Jed knew he best get to the bottom of the problem quickly, he didn’t want no Cat Fight in his town. The town of Hempton was still talking about the last “Cat Fight” some twenty-five years ago. Lil was young and pretty, wanting to own what was now “Diamond” Lil’s, at the time it had been known as Rose’s Saloon. He could see Rose, dark-haired, a roundish figure, and Lil petite and blond, pulling each other’s hair, biting, kicking, no holes barred. “Diamond Lil’s had been rebuilt since nothing was left of the interior, chairs were broken, tables knocked or thrown through the windows; it had not been a pretty sight. Jed had to find a way to keep Lil from beating up Alice Bleu.

Jed planned to stop the fight that was coming, he was going to put Alice on the stagecoach heading for Farmington, Texas, he hoped that would be far enough away so the two of them would not ever see each other again. He would just have to wait out the arrival of the next stage coach was due in town in three days. He also knew those three days were going to be very long ones. He wished he had proposed to Lil years ago, but he wanted to be a Sheriff and Lil then had no use for the law. Texas was still the wild west, towns were still being settled, and they had gone their separate ways but remained friends. Jed also decided he would patrol the saloon more often for those three days, he had no choice. He strode toward the saloon, a white-washed adobe building; a highlight of the town, cowboys loved it for its comfortable feeling after weeks of driving cattle. Lil had done all right for herself; Lil sauntered over to Jed:

“Jed, you want a beer or whiskey? I am buyin.”

This could mean one of two things Jed thought; either Lil had already beaten Alice to a pulp or she was planning to, either way, it was not a good thing. He thought about arresting Alice and putting her in jail until the stagecoach arrived, he dismissed that idea, no cell would hold either woman for long. He needed to find a solution to this problem before things got out of control.

Ted Lowery and his boys arrived in town for a drinking spree; Jed had thrown them in jail the last two times they had come into town; disorderly conduct, flashin the soiled doves, and in general raising a raucous. Jed had his hands full between Lil, Alice; Ted Lowery, and his bunch. He knew he required at least three deputies, men who would shoot first and ask questions later. Ted Lowery was a cowboy with trail hands who needed a break from the herds, since Hempton was on the Goodnight Trail, Jed expected these things to happen; just not at the same time.

The second day brought Ted Lowery and his trail hands to “Diamond” Lil’s Palace. “Diamond” Lil’s had its own criminal elements from Lil, herself to Ted Lowery. The upstairs rooms were for sleeping; Lil being the madam, Alice trying to rid the Palace of Lil. Words were one thing gum shots were quite another. Jed came running, his colt .45 in one hand his rifle in the other. He heard shots coming from the saloon, he was prepared for any escalation that might occur. Two more shots found Jed running into the saloon; to find Lil with a smoking gun and Mike Jacks dead on the floor. Jed turned to Lil:

“Okay Lil, what happened? What did Jacks do this time? You just can’t keep shooting people

Lil!. Lil smiled, Jed was comical when he was excited:

“Look, Jed, Mike Jacks came in here, had a few whiskeys then started shootin up my saloon.

What was I supposed to do? Sit still to you got here? I don’t think so, money is money, I shot

him and that is the end of my story.”

There wasn’t much more Jed could say, she had good reason. Tom Lowery, was angry, Jacks was a good cow hand. Lowery rounded up the rest of his crew, they were leaving town before Lil shot them full of holes; they returned and attempted to destroy the saloon, on the third and final day.

The following morning was cold even for Texas, Jed was up early, the stage was due in at ten o’clock in the morning. That would solve part of the problem, Alice would be on that stage one way or another, even if he had to handcuff her to the door. He had no idea what Lowery was going to do but; he was prepared for almost anything. Lil dropped by the Sheriff’s office with coffee, beans, and hardtack, some for Jed; and the smaller portion for Alice. Since Lil was being cooperative Jed decided to release Alice allowing her to pack her bags. Alice was determined not to leave town until she told Lil exactly what she thought.

Ted Lowery rode into town with his remaining cow hands, guns blazing heading for “Diamond” Lil’s Palace; his intention of tearing apart the saloon to teach Lil a lesson. Lil and her barkeep Jim were ready. Lil had a derringer and sawed-off shotgun: Jim had a double barrel shotgun and Colt .45, good deterrents to Lowery and his gang. Lowery whooped and yelled galloping up and through the saloon doors. Guns were blazing as Jed and two deputies came running, guns drawn. Jed shot Lowery as Lowery was threatening Lil with his Colt .45. Jed and his two deputies arrested the Lowery gang, hoping things would remain peaceful until the stage arrived, which was less than an hour.

Things quieted down when the air suddenly filled with a scream and shriek. Jed, who had been sitting at his desk looking at wanted posters. He jumped up from his desk, and yelled at one of the deputies to “come on”. Jed ran into the saloon only to find himself in the middle of the best catfight ever. Lil although older and slimmer than Alice had Alice by the hair, whacking her head on the floor. Alice pulled Lil’s hair, scratching her face with her nails. Jed broke up the catfight, taking Alice and her bags to meet the stagecoach.

Later that evening Jed went to have dinner at the saloon with Lil. Jed had for almost twenty-five years thought about marrying Lil, tonight he was going to propose to her. He had a ring in his pocket, he was going to make her ligament, so she could still own the saloon. Lil sporting a black eye smiled as she strode toward Jed sitting down at the table. When she was comfortably seated he took her small delicate hand in his big rough hands:

“Lil, I have waited a long time for this will you marry me?” Lil gasped at him:

“I wasn’t expecting that, but I sure will!”