Behind the Throne

I ran franticly around the hall trying to find a familiar face. My eyes narrowed on a small figure – someone with pink hair, the colour alike that of Cotton Candy. Anne.

I rushed to her, my chest heaving, “it’s okay, everything is fine”, I told her, my voice trembling over the chaos, trying to comfort her.

I didn’t know for who I was trying to convince my little sister or myself. This didn’t make sense, just minutes ago I was half-listening to some boring speech about the great country of Ciada by my father.

The fog started to clear up. The banging. The shouting. The gunshots.

I glanced at the room filled with plain ripped fabric and dirt which was once exclusively filled with beautiful and detailed gowns and suit. Wait. This room had been filled with the most noble and wealthy people who wouldn’t be caught dead looking any less perfect.

We had been ambushed. The realisation hit me as if I were punched in the stomach.

The shot had probably been aimed at my parents – the king and queen. I picked Anne up as I stood, my body shaking with adrenaline, struggling to wrap my head around the possibility.

I caught a glimpse of the podium where my parent once stood. My father lay motionless on the floor, his face pale. My mother kneeling beside him, held captive, with a twisted expression on her face trying not to vomit. I wanted to run to her.

In that moment, my eyes met hers for the briefest moment before I took off in a sprint in the opposite direction, trying to get somewhere safe - safer. I couldn’t afford taking any impulsive risks. Not with Anne still crying in my arms.

“Nathan?”, she whispered so quietly I could barely hear her, “Are we going to see mama and papa again?”, her voice breaking as she asked.

I tried to keep us in the more isolated parts of the palace which not even most people who live here know about. I moved Anne so I could see her face, her eyes were glassy, and her face lacked her usual shine.

“Of course we are”, I responded. My voice didn’t come out as steady and reassuring as I hoped and judging by her reaction, she wasn’t that convinced by it either. Cotton Candy head sure picked things up quickly for her mighty age of six.

I put her down against her protests and got to work finding the secret passage leading to the woods. I was looking for a specific tile to activate the passage. I turned to look at Anne,

“Want to help?”, I asked trying to distract her from the events of the past hour.

Without saying a word, she walked up to the wall and started looking for the tile. I knew a most of the palace’s secret passageways, or at least I liked to think so. I hope I get to find the others.

After what felt like an eternity, something finally shifted, Anne lets out a startled gasp and looked up to me.

“Go on”, I urged.

She hesitated only for a moment longer before she pushed the tile. A low rumble came out of the wall right before a passage appeared. I ushered her inside just as another scream echoed through the hall behind us.

The path was cramped. It was barely high enough for me to stand and so narrow that Anne had to walk in front of me. Slivers of light shone through the cracks in the building allowing me to scan the dusty wooden space, searching. There.

Two flight bags.

We walked towards the two bags hanging on the wall, which were decorated with cobwebs. I rummaged through the contents: Clothes, water, food, money and fake documents.

Anne and I were still in our formal wear – not exactly the best to go unnoticed. I took out our new clothes and handed her a simple dress, before changing into my disguise. Once I was changed, I knelt to help my sister, but she flinched and took a step back.

“I don’t want to change out of my dress”, she said, her defiant voice at odds with the tremble of her chin. Even in the dim light, I could see the streaks her tears left behind.

I pulled her close and wrapped my arms around her. A few beats passed before she hugged me back and relaxed into the touch. “Wanna play a game?”, I asked, flashing a sly grin, “We are going to go undercover and – “

“Yes”, she spoke abruptly, a smile breaking through as she reaches for her dress.

“Great”, I sighed with relief, “Your name is going to be cotton - short for cotton candy - and mine is going to be “. I paused thinking.

“Night”, she finished for me, her voice lighter “cause you like knights - get it?”

“Perfect”, I responded helping her change as she giggled quietly.

As we made our way through the passage putting in more and more distance between us and the palace, the path grew narrower and damper. We crawled our way through the passage till something bright came into sight – light. It must have already been morning.

We rushed through the final stretch, trying to get to the exit as fast as possible. When we finally emerged into a bright landscape of mountains and trees. I collapsed to the ground breathing in the fresh air and letting my eyes adjust to the light.

Anne – Cotton – lay down beside me and snuggled into my side.  My throat was so dry, that it hurt to breath. I shifted, trying to reach for the water in our bags, until I noticed that Anne had already fallen asleep.

I picked her up and moved her and our belongings to more shadowed, hidden spot. Settling into the moss, I opened the bottle and drank a tiny sip – only then did the gravity of the situation truly sink in. Before I could think too much exhaustion crashed into me like a wave as I fought to stay awake knowing I should. Sleep dragged me under.

Small cool droplets of water splashed on my face startling me awake. Anna was still fast asleep, and the sun was barely visible on the horizon. My body was sore from sleeping on the ground and my stomach rumbled with hunger.

I rummaged through our bags looking for something to eat: Dried meat, Rye bread, dried fruits, nuts, honey and water. Once everything was laid out for us to eat, I gently shook Anne awake.

She got up slowly, still groggy, but sat down beside me looking at the food.

“I don’t like any of this”, she grumbled even though her stomach growled.

I fought a smile, “Well this is all we have right now”, I said amused, “Take it or leave it”.

She begrudgingly took some bread and bit a chunk off, with more force that necessary.

This was half our food and probably wouldn’t even last us long. I watched her eat and waited till she had enough till I helped myself to the small spread and tried to enjoy the dry, tough meat.

I leaned back and scanned our surroundings; we were on the outskirts of the woods, barely able to make out a village in the distance. I reached into our bags and pulled out our fake documents and carefully filling out our names – Cotton and Night.

Next was our ages.

I hovered over the space for a moment, spinning the pen around my fingers. 6 and 17.

My real age – 15 – felt too risky. Too young. Too inexperienced. Easy to dismiss. 17 though – 17 meant fewer questions. It would be easier to find a job. Rent a room. I let out a sharp exhale. Decision made.

“So, what n – “, Anne’s question was cut short by the sound of footsteps. I grabbed the now packed basket – thanks to Cotton Candy head – and stood. Trying to be both quiet and quick. Looking for a place to hide I found a small cave. Just as I started ushering Anne inside, a deep voice interrupted,

“What are you two doing here?”

I turned to see a soldier, on his horse, watching us with a mixture of concern and suspicion.

I racked my brain, trying to figure out what to say and spat out the first words that came to mind.

“We were just making our way to the village there”, I said, offering no further explanation.

He raised an eyebrow, waiting.

“For work”, I added quickly. “I’m looking for work”.

I held my breath waiting for his response. Anne stood beside me, clutching my sleeve.

The soldier let out a satisfied breath, apparently buying my expertly crafted excuse.

“You two might want to be careful. The whole country’s a mess, especially around here”, he warned, his eyes never leaving mine. “There was an attempt to overthrow the king recently”, he continued, “It worked, but there are still people missing. Most important one being the two kids. Nathan and Anne.”

He handed me a flyer. My name printed in bold letters beside an old sketch of the face.

I swallowed hard. The dirt on our faces must have concealed our features well enough, he didn’t hesitate. Still my breathing quickened at the mention of our names.

“It’s better like this, thing was starting to get worse by the day”, he muttered staring into the distance. “It’s time they started to look up again”. He paused to look at me again, his eyes flickering with hope, before reminding me report anything if I recognise the face the flyer and bidding me a goodbye.

We crossed the fields separating the forest to the village. I was still reeling from the unexpected encounter with the soldier and couldn’t help but wonder what the soldier had meant.

“It’s better like this”

His words rang in my head.

“It’s time things started to look up again”

I wondered what things he was wondering about.

Ciada was only of the most prosperous lands on earth. It had a worldwide reputation for being the wealthiest, hosting lavish balls and events on a regular basis. My father – the king – had been praised as one of the best rulers of the country, improving it in all areas.

So why did that soldier seem so relieved that he was gone?

A sharp pain appeared at the thought of my parents. I tried to push the image aside, though fragments of it still lingered as I called out for Anne.

“A – “, I stopped myself, taking in a deep breath correcting, “Cotton!”

She ran around laughing, her hair a tangled mess.

“Try to catch me”, she shouted, still giggling.

She seemed comfortable in her new identity – more comfortable that I expected. Somehow that made me feel more at ease. I picked up my pace, catching up to her in a few strides before tackling her to the ground.

The village sprawled out before us, patchwork of uneven dirt roads and uneven cottages. The breeze carried smell of freshly baked bread, sweat and animals. A few merchants were scattered around the street half-heartedly trying to sell their meager produce. A lifeless feeling hung in the air, in sharp contrast to the distant sounds of animals in the background.

I tightened my grip on Anne as we walked towards the nearest stall, feeling the stare of at least a dozen eyes pinning me. Anne and I had finished the last of our food on our way here. I picked out a few dried goods along with some semi-fresh produce, trying not to feel out-of-place here.

I placed some coins in the merchant’s expectant hands. His eyes sharpened for the briefest moment at the sight, before he masked his features again.

Anne and I made our way through the village, trying to go as unnoticed as possible. I could practically feel the uneasiness radiating off her, though to her credit she did mask it well. I placed a reassuring hand on her back not slowing down.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed a woman standing in front of an old cottage struggling to lift a heavy sack. I walked over, hesitating before I offered,

“You need some help with that?”

“I don’t need help with anything”, she replied cooly.

“Do you”, I paused, suddenly nervous, “want help with that?”

She straightened, before looking at me, pressing her lips into a thin line.

“What do you want?”, she asked flatly.

I sighed before explaining our need for a place to stay.

Two kids around Anne’s age peeked through the door of the cottage. The woman’s hair was tied back in a bun and her sleeves were rolled up. She carried an air of authority. Still, there was a weariness in her eyes, a heaviness in her posture no amount of confidence could conceal.

Her gaze narrowed on Anne, flickering with something unreadable.

“What’s your name, dear?”, she asked Anne, her earlier coldness gone.

I sucked in a breath

Without missing a beat, she responded, “Cotton”.

I relaxed and found the woman’s gaze on mine again. Determined.

“You can stay as long as you want – “

I remained silent waiting for the ‘but’

“You have to work and earn it”

“Of course,” I replied with enthusiasm.

Sure, I hoped she would let us stay, but I hadn’t expected her to give in so easily.

She led us into the cottage, told me where we could put our bags. She shortly left to run errands with her kids and gave us some time to settle in.

Anne sat down in the corner given to us and I followed her lead. Sitting there in disbelief, I stared around the cottage. It smelt like a mixture of wood smoke, dried herbs and earth. It was one room which was being shared by three people – now five. The room had the most necessities: a fireplace in the middle, with pots and bowls surrounding it; a small washbasin; baskets for storage. The place felt so cluttered, the exact opposite of the neat order of the palace, yet somehow still comforting.

The palace – my parents – the soldier. I pulled Anne closer to me and tucked her into my side. Why were people living like this? Uneasiness formed a tight knot in my stomach. This place looked like it could collapse under a strong gust of wind.

“This place is warm”, Anne muttered half-asleep, now in my lap.

I simply nodded as I watched her eyes close completely and her breathing forming a steady rhythm.

The woman returned, with her children following her. I gently shook Anne awake

“I realized I hadn’t introduced myself yet,” she exclaimed, “I’m Sadie. And you are?”

“N – Night”, I answered, almost forgetting my new name.

The two kids came up to Cotton and introduced themselves to.

Over the next few days, we all settled into a steady rhythm – work, chores and quite evenings. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. Anne celebrated her seventh birthday with a small picnic we arranged with another chunk of the money we saved.

The more I saw, the more I experienced the struggles people faced. The more the knot in my stomach grew and grew.

The palace never told us where the food and money came from, and we never asked. We never knew, farmers struggled to grow enough food, while we took most of it leaving them to ration every crumb. We were never told how corrupt we were and what we inflicted on the actual people of the country.

“My husband?”, it was another Night where we lay outside talking, somehow, we ended up on this topic. Her throat flexed.

“My husband starved to death”, she said, with the slightest wobble in her voice.

A few weeks later, pressured by the guilt and shame of who I am, Anne and I left.

“You alright, Cotton Candy?”, I asked gently.

Anne nodded in response, even though I could see the tears in her eyes.

“We’re going to visit again”, I reassured her.

We settled into a comfortable silence, before a low familiar voice filled the air. I froze, unable to move.

“There you are!”, the voice spoke, “Prince Nathan, Princess Anne”, he hoped of his horse. I pushed Anne to an area out of earshot.

“I knew you weren’t dead”, the Prince of Saxoni – our neighbouring country came into sight. My best friend. There was no point in trying to fake my identity.

“Have you kept up with what happened after you two disappeared?”, he asked to optimistically.

“I tried not to”, I grumbled.

He nodded, then smiled sympathetically before telling me everything I’d missed.

“Okay, but I am going to assume that you know that both your parents are dead.”, I gawked at him, but he continued, unfazed.

“And the people hate the new Regime, so this is the perfect time for you to take your place as king.”, he said, not letting me process.

I stood there for what felt like an eternity.

I had already expected my parents’ death. Had forced myself to expect it. But this? Taking over the crown?

The very thing that had brought so much suffering.

I had seen what it did – what we had done – without ever realizing it. The pain it inflicted. The damage it caused.

But. I could help.

I could help change it.

I didn’t know how – not yet. But I couldn’t turn away now. Not when I know what the people worry about.

I hesitated but reminded myself what I now know and how it would be an advantage for the whole country.

I met his gaze, steadying myself under the weight of the last months.

“How?”, my voice didn’t waver, “How exactly can I do that?”

He grinned.

I would make Sadie proud.