A Pandemic Memoir

Day 600

"People have forgotten how to be human... They are losing themselves one by one and are bored by the abundance of life passing through their hands. Steps feel lost on the stairs of buildings that rise higher each day as if they aspire to rebuild the Tower of Babel. Researchers nowadays see themselves as minor gods and race towards vanity, losing sight of the fact that every particle within them defies immortality, being mere mortals after all. Our perfect ambitions have made us forget to look back at the earth that holds our roots. We've forgotten the murmur of waters and the whisper of the wind, now replaced by the cold echo of technology that floods our existence. Every second, we strive to fly closer to the sun, ignoring the fact that we are dust and to dust, we shall return.

Everything started suddenly... the world's dust barrel exploded due to researchers who failed to keep their work under control. And the world went mad. Gradually, restrictions were imposed, and that's when the end began. Until then, the world seemed to breathe in unison, under the same starry vault. It was a world that could be considered normal. However, an unseen shadow began to spread across continents, bringing with it a cold wind of change, causing the foundation of normalcy to shake and then crumble, leaving only dehumanization in its wake.

The sky itself seemed to weep, and its invisible, silent tears penetrated the heart of every person, frightened by what was to come. Televisions appeared to be perpetually turned on to channels announcing the decline, and we were all scared.

Doctors began to fight the virus that was already taking control of all life, without regard for age, social status, or border. In the laboratories, lights burned continuously in an attempt to stop all this madness, but without success. Death cast its arrows at every person who reached the emergency room, and air seemed a luxury they lacked. And I was one of those "on the front line," hailed for acts of bravery such as direct exposure to the virus that turned our world upside down.

1 dead... 5 dead... 745,800 dead... The dark angel with its so sweet kiss spread its wings everywhere, leaving only disorientation, fear, and an oppressive silence in its wake. People's names became numbers in an already meaningless percentage, and my world became a vain effort. Beds full of patients losing hope to live to see another day, and I began to feel no longer a hero. I began to move away from the illusion of a better day and to feel more like a rudderless boat in an enraged ocean, struggling to stay afloat while the pandemic storm ravaged everything around."

Day 1045

"I remember the road home... It seemed so short before and so monotonous... What I realize now is how much I needed to cherish that monotony... that well-trodden path to a home that now no longer exists in the form I knew. The city, once a carousel of colors, now seems painted in shades of gray with a smell of darkness... an air sick with loneliness. The once vibrant and lively streets are now silent, interrupted only by the echoes of my footsteps and the distant sound of an ambulance rushing by, announcing how someone else will soon die. Each day feels like an eternity, and yet time flies, leaving us to wonder when and how we will manage to return to normal.

The same apartment building staircase, now sadder than ever. The same door, wiped a thousand times with disinfectant, as if an ancient ritual, making each touch a silent prayer to the Angel of Death, hoping it will pass us by. The same room, now dusty from neglect, feels like a cell of isolation, where every object seems to have lost its meaning. The photographs on the walls, silent witnesses of days gone by, seem foreign, memories of a world that seems irrecoverable. The sofa remains unmoved, absorbing the oppressive silence of the room, under the pile of clothes thrown after a day of infernal battle.

The kitchen seems animated only by the ticking of the clock counting seconds in a space where time has lost all meaning. Each of its sounds reverberates in the muted grip that has taken the place... and becomes annoying... the silence becomes annoying... and yet it's all we have left. Loneliness starts to hurt, and I turn on the TV just to color the memory of the chaos that was before. A new series of restrictions, another set of rules, and a pandemic destroying millions of lives. Statistics, numbers, calculations, and lives lost.

We've become islands in a furious ocean, separated by the waves of a restless sea—broken connections. The decline began slowly... A chaos that took over all humanity and proved the fragility of humankind and how unprepared we were for something like this. Restrictions grew, and people were no longer allowed to leave their homes. I, a fighter on the front line, received a work permit allowing me to move on a clearly defined route... Home-Hospital.

The mask became a vital instrument, but not for long because now people lock themselves in their homes, and the streets have become just corridors of a ghost fortress. I wonder when all this ordeal will end?"

Day 1300

"The world changes, and it's painful to think that you'll never feel a hug or a caress again. People have died and are still dying... On TV, we are called heroes, but I no longer feel like one... I feel like a serial killer for every patient I couldn't save, for every hope I saw extinguishing in the eyes of loved ones. Fatigue becomes a constant, and the feeling of helplessness has become a reliable partner.

Hope... the word has lost its meaning in my view. Sometimes I wish I hadn't been born now... but in a time when the world was joyful, where I could meet someone, go on dates... Then life would have followed its course... Now, I would have had a family: a wife waiting for me with a delicious soup, with two wonderful but slightly spoiled children who would fuss over food, but their mother would know the method to convince them. I would have told them stories before bedtime, and kissed them on the forehead while my wife watched us with eyes full of happiness and warmth from the doorway. Then we would have relaxed on the sofa in the living room full of toys and laughed over endless stories about how our day went... Instead, reality is harsh... I'm surrounded only by syringes, beds full of sick people, oxygen masks, and the mask on my face only leaves a metallic taste in my mouth, making me lose my appetite.

Will I ever love someone?"

Day 1600

"In the last few days, I started to search... to read... to search... and to analyze specialized works in the hope that I will find a cure, a way to bring life back into the heart of death... Night after night, I read thousands of works... I still have a glimmer of hope and no... I will not give up... I have to save her... In all this darkness, she has become my hope... the light of my eyes... And yet... if I fail? I will lose her forever... and it hurts worse than all the moments spent in this madness..."

Day 1640

"Today, I went to see her. My Isla was pale, fatigued from all the medication received in vain... because no matter how much she received, this illness no longer has a cure... but still, I hope to find it... for her!

When I think that it all started from a simple 'Hello!' and the conversation continued amongst the thousands of unwrapped syringes, among the beds soaked in death. Isla, always with a smile on her lips, seemed to bring the light we needed in the grey that was slowly becoming darkness. Days passed, and our conversation continued regardless of day or night...time, which until now seemed to pass without purpose, now everything had meaning and it was downright fascinating that this was happening to me.

Isla... is like a moonbeam on a starry sky, shining in the darkness of the night with a delicate luminescence. Her deep, contemplative eyes were two endless lakes reflecting the dreams and hopes of the world. Her smile was the breath of spring bringing with it the promise of rebirth and blooming after a long period of cold and darkness. Her voice, gentle and melodious, flowed like the water of a clear river over smooth stones of silence, awakening in souls echoes of a lost tranquility. The landscape filled with frost became full of spring because of her, and death seemed so close to us yet so far from what I began to feel.

Night after night, together with Isla, we searched for the miraculous cure but did not find it...schemes, medications, combinations, and... nothing... However, I managed to find my cure for loneliness: she became my medicine, and I felt as if the world was making sense. It was me and Isla.

Although our search continued, it seemed we would never reach an end. Every day, Isla told me about her patients, patients she had lost, and I saw her consuming herself so much. I tried to detach myself from every story that filled the hospital, focusing on the remedy, but in vain. I wanted to seem tough, but it gnawed at my soul. Isla was the one who managed to glue together the pieces of my heart that shattered with each patient lost. And she did it so well.

The search continued, and together we were so close...until she arrived at the emergency room. In the whirl of the night, Isla arrived at the hospital like a leaf torn off by the late autumn wind, carried by the desperate need for relief. Her arrival was like a tragic poem written by fate itself, where each word is a lost heartbeat, each comma – a heavy breath. The ambulance that brought her seemed more like a silent executioner than a herald of salvation, its wheels drawing on the asphalt the path of an inevitable destiny.

She, Isla, once master over the realm of life and death, was now caught in her own story like a butterfly in the webs of time, her wings broken by the weight of the disease that had struck her down. Her presence in the emergency room brought with it an eerie quiet, as if even Death itself had paused its macabre dance for a moment, looking with raven eyes toward the soul that still dared to fight. Her eyes, once full of the light of distant stars, now had lost their brightness, becoming two opaque mirrors reflecting only the shadows of pain. Her breathing, once a measure of hope, now broke in trembling whispers, each breath being a prayer whispered in the altar of despair. Her arrival at the emergency, in a disturbing silence, was like an unfinished sonata, its dissonant notes vibrating in everyone's heart. Isla, becoming the patient in this symphony of suffering, was now the gravitational center of all fears and hopes.

When I saw Isla in that state, my soul was torn in a way I did not think possible. It was as if the entire universe contracted to that fragile moment, where she, the pure essence of all that was good and beautiful in the world, lay vulnerable in the face of cruel fate. Every step I took toward her was a struggle, with my own fears and the brutal reality unfolding before my eyes.

The sight of her, so weak and pale, was like a cold dagger piercing my heart. Emotions overwhelmed me - a mix of despair, anger against the injustice of the universe, and a love so deep that her pain became my pain. It was as if the entire world had narrowed down to this single hospital room, where each beat of her weakened heart echoed in my soul.

There, in front of her, standing as a sentinel between life and death, I realized that my love for her knew no bounds. It was a force that pushed me to fight, not to surrender to despair, to find a way to bring her back to the light. The unspoken promise I made to myself at that moment was that I would be the rock in the storm, the lighthouse in the night, everything she needed to cross this trial. I will make it right!"

Day 1680

"40 days... that's all she had left. My miracle with crystal eyes found her peace, and for me, the Earth stopped rotating. An oppressive silence filled the room, a vast void settling over everything that was once alive and vibrant. Her eyes, which once shone with thousands of sparks of life, were now closed forever, and my world crumbled into ruins. Now that she's gone, I feel like a navigator without a compass, wandering through the storm of life.

Farewell, my love! We'll meet again soon!"

Day 2000

"People have forgotten how to be human and have lost themselves in new, unknown worlds. Intense searches for a new meaning of life buried among so many deaths. The angel of death was harsh with humanity, but somehow, we managed to defeat it. I found the cure, my gift to humanity, which, however, did not save my love or me. I managed through tears to find the answer. The riddle of life was finally unraveled. Today, my world stops, and my journey reaches its end. I have triumphed, but victory tastes bitter.

My gift to the world is now spreading, bringing light where darkness reigned, offering hope where not a blade of grass remained. I watched as humanity recovered, as lives were rebuilt from their own ashes, and yet, my heart remains wrapped in an eternal winter, unwarmed by this victory.

Isla, my wonder with crystal eyes, now part of the boundless fabric of the sky, sends me signs through the stars, and I feel her presence in every breeze, in every ray of sun that pierces the clouds. I have realized that, although I managed to bring healing to the world, my soul will forever be tied to hers, two halves of the same whole, separated by a distance that neither time nor space can measure. Perhaps in another life, in another time, Isla and I could have had a different ending. But in this life, I have found peace in accepting that some things are beyond our power to change.

This last entry is my farewell, not just to the world, but to myself as well.

I conclude this journey with a soul full of love and a broken heart, knowing that I have left the world a little better than I found it.

Isla, wait for me, I'm coming home.

Yours, Alexei"