New year. New me.

01/01/24

Dear Diary:

It’s January 1st, that means that it’s time to change, time to change the person that I was last year. New year, new me.

I know that I didn’t achieved my goals like the past years. Instead of losing ten kilos I gained ten more; I only went to the gym the first week of January and my bank account almost lose all the money because I paid the year membership (it was in 10% discount!); and all my relationships were a fiasco, all because I was fat.

But, I feel that this year is different, this year isn’t like all the others. I feel more motivated than ever before, I already planed a whole diagram while I was in the shower, and my mom also told me that this was my year, the year I’ve been waiting for forty whole years.

In my dream I had a visible eight pack, like the ones Christian Bale had in American Psycho (dope money btw), some big arms that could crush an apple just by flexing my bicep, and a handsome face without double chin. I didn’t see my face in the mirror but I knew it was handsome.

I was in the gym hitting it hard, bicep with a hundred kilos, a thousand abs, and squat with seven discs. Then a cute girl came to greet me. Green eyes, with large blond hair and a delicate face. Perfect.

“Hey” she said, blushing and moving his feet from side to side. “Can I have your number, handsome?”

I smiled and pass her my number. She went all happy to tell her friends that she had my number. I was already planning on a date with her, going to a golf place, eating in a restaurant that had some delicious beefsteak with cheese and wine.

Then I woke up. Fat, working at McDonalds and with no one in the bed besides me. Just Mr. Puddlebear., the bear I had had since I was eight years old. And he made a lame company, he didn’t even hug.

Also, I think I forgot something, I want to stop working at McDonalds and prove my talent to Wall Street. Yeah, I want to be one of the most famous entrepreneurs in the whole world, and I have to start on Wall Street. I have no idea what business model I will use, or what to do. But my mom told me “Mijo, this is your year. You go and destroy the competition”. She knew this was my year, so do I.

My action plan is to go first thing in the morning to McDonalds, just after I finish writing here, then I’ll shout to everyone to gain attention, all tell a long speech that I’ll improvise, because cool people improvise, and then I’ll quit. After that is gym and super diet.

I’ll have to go now. See ya tomorrow.

Julio

02/01/24

Dear Diary:

I officially don’t work in McDonalds anymore. I entered the shop without a uniform, and the manager was almost at the point of shouting to me on how I had not brought the uniform. But I shouted first. “ATTENTION!” Everyone turned to me and I began improvising my speech on how McDonalds was a shit place and they prepared meat with rats, I just made that up because I wanted. People were recording me while I talked without stuttering. Well, I did stuttered, but just a little, I swear.

When I entered to YouTube I even found a video about me! A million views in the first thirty minutes. Just me saying how McDonalds was a shit made it to the national news and McDonalds lost over seven million dollars in revenue. I don’t know what revenue even is but that’s cool. I’m making a change to the world.

“McDonalds is a Fiasco” that’s the title of the video where I appear and has already a hundred million views, I think that’s a record form the most viewed video in history. I don’t know.

Then when I went to the gym it was even better. Everyone was greeting me like a man. Muscled guys in tank tops were teaching me how to do the exercises correctly, they assured me that I was going to lose the ten kilos and even more. And a girl asked me to take a photo with her. I did, and probably it’s now in her Instagram with a little captions that says. I love this man!, and an emoji of hearts.

The rest of the day I spent it eating some vegan chips with lots of bananas, my nutritionist said they were high on potassium and that helped me with my body. So eight bananas to my belly.

I also had a big idea for business. I’m going to make McDonalds 2, but with vegan burgers that have steak from cow. My nutritionist told me that steak is good, and bread is bad. That’s gonna go to my restaurant.

I’ll start working in it first thing in the morning, that means now.

See ya.

Julio

03/01/24

Dear Diary:

Some police officers came into my house saying something about a lawsuit of McDonalds just when I was working in my McDonalds 2 project. I didn’t understand everything so I left the paper in the trash.

I watched a couple of videos on how to make a restaurant that makes high profit in the market. They consisted on various steps that I think I can do them without any particular problem.

1- Choose a restaurant concept and brand: It’s a burger restaurant and it’s named McJulio’s.

2- Create your menu: Vegan burger with real steak.

3- Write a restaurant business plan: Open one on my home town, then when it becomes successful open one on Wall Street.

4- Obtain a restaurant funding: The bank is going to give me some, and when I get enough money I’ll pay them back.

5- Choose a location and lease a commercial space: The location is besides the McDonalds, there was a free space there. And yeah, I’m going to lease the commercial space, I don’t even know what that means, but the instructions say it. So, consider it done.

6- Restaurant permits and licenses: I’ll do that later.

7- Design your layout and space: Exactly like McDonalds but in green color. Because here we don’t do rat steak.

8- Find equipment and food supplier: I’m sure you get that at Walmart.

9- Hire the right staff: Easy. I convince people in McDonalds to work with me.

10- Advertise your restaurant: I’ll hire someone to do that. My nephew knows a lot about social media, he spends his whole day in there, so he can make me ads.

11- Host a soft opening: Right.

So, I have all the steps to make this possible. That means that soon in town there’s going to be a new king of the restaurants. McJulio’s. And I’m going to be the next Mark Zuckenberg but of the food industry.

Well, that’s enough work for the day. Let’s get to the gym. See ya.

Julio

04/01/24

Dear Diary:

Why do people are saying things about McDonalds suing me? Everyone on the gym were saying that they were lawyer’s and they could help with the the lawsuit, and that made me remember about the visit the police had gave me.

I accepted the offer of a guy named Mark that is super tough and muscular. I’m sure he can crush the McDonald’s owner with just the strength of his hands, but he won’t do that because it’s against the laws, and a lawyer can’t break the rules.

I told my lawyer about my plan and all the steps I was going to follow. He was speechless, I think he thought I could make a successful restaurant chain. But he offered me a job at his restaurant meanwhile I was planning on building the McJulio’s restaurant.

Also I have something embarrassing to confess. I cheated on my diet, twice, yesterday. It wasn’t that bad, only two pieces of cake. But I got rid of all the cake after that, it’s in the trash now. That means I won’t be cheating ever again.

You grow stronger from the failures.

See ya

Julio

06/01/24

Dear Diary:

I forgot to write an entry yesterday but, who cares? No one is going to see this. I went to the gym although I felt like I didn’t feel like it, and my friends helped me with the workout, it was great.

And some girl slapped me in the face for seeing her ass, but I swear I wasn’t looking at it. I don’t know if I’m going to get another sue. And yes, the McDonalds sue is in one month, I’m going to destroy the judges.

I’m growing stronger by the second.

See ya.

Julio

07/01/24

Dear Diary:

I didn’t go to the gym today. It still counts to the seven day streak People in the street are waving at me while I go to work. I hate work, I want to open McJulio’s. Does beer counts as a cheat meal? I think not. Seven beers are already on my stomach. One beer for each day I went to the gym.

Julio

30/01/24

Dear Diary:

Joel asked me if I still go to the gym. I told him I go in the afternoons. But it’s a lie. I’m tired of life. I downloaded Tinder. I’ll get a girl there.

Julio

24/02/24

Dear Diary:

Tinder doesn’t works. It doesn’t match me with anyone and that’s the purpose of it. To match. It’s shit. I lost the sue with McDonalds, it’s all horse shit. Fucking idiots of McDonalds. Where do I get a millions dollars?

Julio

03/05/24

I hate myself and I want to die.

03/07/24

Drinking and listening to Nirvana is cool.

24/08/24

Happy birthday to me

Julio

25/12/24

I thought I had lost this. Merry Christmas to me.

Julio

01/01/25

Dear Diary:

Happy new year to everyone! I just feel like this year is definitely my year. I’m going to achieve my goals and I’m going to pay that debt I have with McDonalds. I know I’m going to pay it because this year I’ll make McJulio’s possible.

I know it.

My Duolingo tells me that this year I’m going to learn a new language too. That’s cool. I’m going to learn Arab because maybe I can get McJulio’s to there. Imagine an Arab McJulio’s. Super cool invention.

I also want to learn to play the guitar. You know, learn some classics from Nirvana and Foo Fighters. I’m sure they will be easy, and who knows? Maybe I can make Nirvana 2 come true.

Also, I’ll start going to the gym again. I gained another ten kilos on my belly, but no big deal. I can cut them off with lots of discipline and motivation. Because I know that this year Nirvana is going to save my workouts.

I’m going to write a Nirvana song.

He’s the one, who likes, all our pretty songs.

And he, likes to sing along.

And he, likes to shoot his gun.

But he, not know what it means.

Not know what it means.

And I say, Yeahhhhhhh

Hell yeah. I’m gonna wreck this year. I'm going to get a girlfriend, I'm going to get an amazing physique and I'm going to be a Wall Street millonaire.

This is my year.

New year. New me

Julio