Half Notes

Alexandria sat at the piano, her fingers hovering over the keys. A breath waited expectantly on her lips as the song itched at her fingers. She waited. Waited for that moment when the emotion overtook her and she could do nothing but play. Waited for the bright yellows and oranges that steered her senses.

But inside her was vast nothingness.

Alexandria set her hands in her lap, her eyes growing damp. There was nothing she could do. There had been no music in her soul since that day. Since a single moment and a few words changed her life. She wondered, was it a long time coming? Had she ignored it? Or was it really as sudden as it felt?

She stood from the bench, shutting the lid to the piano. She ran her finger across the shine on the sleek blackness, covering it with the shadow of her hand. Tears streamed down her cheeks. The girl turned on her heel, ready to close the door to the music room and never look back. Let it collect dust. To forget. 

Then, through the thin wall of the apartment, she heard notes. Muffled, faint and unsure, the melody flowed through the drywall. Soft and sweet, like a memory of before. Alexandria paused, facing the wall. She listened as the notes grew more staccato and hesitant. Deep notes echoed through her music room, like tears falling into a lake, rippling into nothingness.

Then they stopped. 

She walked to the wall, pressing her ear against it. The sounds of scraping against wood and footsteps fading away greeted her. The air felt still once more. Alexandria slumped against the wall, sighing as tears continued to stream and her cries died in her throat.

A familiar feeling.

She stared at the piano. Sighing, she stood and walked out of the music room, looking back to the wall only for a moment as the door clicked shut.

******

As tea sloshed in her mug and the world weighed heavy on her shoulder, Alexandria found herself pausing outside the music room door. Barely audible was music, more sombre, yet stable and unchanging. A dimming candle never wavering. 

She reached out for the handle. Her fingertips rested against the cool metal for a moment, weighing the emotion on the other side. Sucking in a breath, she pushed in the door and music graciously met her senses.

Setting down the mug on the piano, she pressed her ear to the wall once more. The song played with confidence across the wall, but the surety was in their pain. Whoever it was, they were grieving. Notes brushed over her skin, cutting open scars she tried to hide. She looked to the piano and squeezed her eyes shut, pushing aside the doubt.

She slowly opened the cover, staring at the ivory. She sat, resting her fingers on the keys and listened. The music swelled, then lulled, then swelled again with a furious smashing of notes. Anger. She knew that pain. The music lulled again, then trailed off into silence. She waited a moment longer, hearing the scrape of the piano bench.

Alexandria stared at her hands and clenched her jaw. Then she slammed down on the keys. They reverberated through her chest, plucking at discordant strings. She released a breath, hoping her neighbor heard. They needed to know that she was there. Faceless and in pain, but there. 

Relaxing her shoulders, she closed her eyes and remembered the song she once loved. The song that felt like before. And she played.

It felt different. Like a memory, but a new one. Like seeing it from a grim perspective, color-coded in greys and blues. In hazy purples that muddied the sunny skies she used to adore. Slow and steady, she pressed on the notes, feeling the tears rise with each echo. She let them fall as her fingers moved expertly through the notes. She played the now-saddened melody with newfound appreciation. Her ears felt funny with the loudness they'd forgotten.

She sped up, reaching the highest points. She once slowed on these, appreciating their sweetness. Now they were bitter and a fragment of what was gone. Alexandria slammed down on the keys, letting her anger surge through her, letting the smiles wipe away.

Those days were gone.

A ship crossing the horizon.

Alexandria slowed, reaching the end of the song. She played the last few notes, feeling them simmer in her uneasy soul. Her fingers ached. Opening her eyes, she realized the keys were wet with her sobs. Taking a deep breath, she felt the world shift.

From across the wall, a few notes played out. She jumped, having forgotten her neighbor. The notes continued to play, a soft and bittersweet melody. As abruptly as they started, they stopped.

Alexandria responded with her own tune, one that matched the gaping rift in her memories.

A smile breached her damp cheeks and her neighbor played in return. Together, they went back and forth, completing each other’s melodies. Slow and steady, Alexandria’s bones grew less weary. Her eyes dried and her shoulders relaxed. 

Notes flowed through the drywall, weaving together strings of fate that patched the holes in her soul. The scars that bled with every key were kissed by that nameless stranger responding to her. Alexandria chuckled, a bittersweet sound that once fell deaf on her ears. Now, she heard herself. 

As tunes dissipated in the air around her, Alexandria found herself anticipating. Expecting. Wanting. So she did. Her fingers floated across the keys with a lightness she wanted to hold on to. Her lashes no longer fluttered open. With a surety in her own pain and ability, her hands moved up and down the keys as if she’d never forgotten the feeling. It was different, of course, but it was simply the other side of the same coin.

After what felt like hours, her partner’s words floated through the wall. Tunes that sounded like hints of green and said a sweet goodbye.

So Alexandria said goodbye too.

And it didn't feel permanent.