The Bonfire

By the time I stepped outside, the leaves were on fire. It was pitch black save for the bonfire, and it was only a moment ago I had stepped into the nearby house for a bathroom break, but as the one in charge of the flame, I suppose I shouldn’t have left the work to others. There was something serene in the dry leaves, dancing with their newfound flames, but I knew I couldn’t let them continue to dance. We were too close to the farm and already I could hear the animals protesting. Grabbing one of the prepared buckets, I threw the water onto the leaves, watching as smoke billowed instead of flame.

“What’d ya do that for?” an indignant voice asked, the words far more slurred than they should have been for as early as it was. Pregamer. I had started out only inviting a few trusted folks to my uncle’s farm after offering to rid him of his burn pile in exchange for the opportunity to have some friends over for it. It was a solid trade. However, there was something about a fire that called to the massive and, apparently, word had spread to far more than just my invited you. Glancing around I realized I didn’t know the majority of the people here, though their faces seemed familiar.

“I’m talkin’ to ya,” he prompted, angrier than a reasonable person would have been for the short delay in my answer. Leave it to drunks.

I shook my head, wondering the best way to explain that letting dry leaves flame outside of the pit could result in the entire farm going up, not too mention that of the neighboring farms. “Listen, do you hear them?” I waited, knowing the sounds of the animals were beginning to die down now that danger had been averted. It was his turn to shake his head and I sighed. “Well, what you aren’t hearing were the animals my uncle keeps here. If I let the fire go uncontrolled, he could lose them all, not to mention it could spread to his neighbors and they could lose all their crops for the season and their animals. We would all be held responsible, be forced to cover their losses, and potentially face jail time. Something tells me you don’t want that for your life.”

A shrug of annoyance was all I got before the guy stalked off to, I assumed, find another drink. I felt my eyes roll as I made my way back to the group. Deep down I know I shouldn’t let one jerk get to me, but I’ve never done well in crowds. I’m an introvert to the core. It was why I was hoping this would stay a private gathering, but I never have that kind of luck. 

“Kristen!” 

The shout startles me and I jerk my head around to see who is yelling my name and why. I’ve already prevented the literal fire. Surely there couldn’t be a metaphorical one so soon after, right? What I find is a frantically happy Gregory heading my way, practically sprinting toward me. Who the hell invited him? “Greg. What are you doing here?”

Gregory Andrews, captain of the debate team and the president of the student council, was the last person I expected to show up tonight. In part, because he was also my ex-boyfriend. I waited while he caught his breath, doubled over, his hands on his knees, staring past me to the fire. “Nice fire,” he finally said, drawing my attention to the dancing red and orange flames. Shadows of the onlookers were visible in the trees just beyond, the woods my family had hunted for years, making it seem as though ghosts were coming to party too. “Samantha invited me. Hope it’s okay. I was hoping we could talk.”

I shrugged. The party had well surpassed my plans for a quiet night. What was one more addition? “You’re more than welcome to stay, but I really don’t see what more we need to talk about. You’re the one who ended things,” I responded coldly. I knew it was petty the moment the words left my mouth, but I couldn’t help still feeling hurt. His actions had blindsided me, crushed me. It was part of the reason I had invited my close friends out tonight. This was supposed to be my pick up party, but it had morphed into something completely different. Another glance around had me realizing the majority of our senior class were here.

“Don’t be like that.”

The scolding wasn’t a shock but I rounded on him. How dare he? How dare he break my heart and then tell me not to express my emotions. We’d been together for two years. I had thought things were perfect. I was making plans to follow him to his college of choice, making plans for the future. My mother had tried to warn me, tried to tell me that high school relationships rarely lasted, but I had my heart set on him. I thought we were on the same page. “So I’m not allowed to express my hurt, now?”

He glanced at his feet and I knew I was making him uncomfortable. I took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly in a sigh. “I’m not over you, Greg. I’m not sure I’ll ever be fully over you, but right now, I need some space to try and regroup and figure out how to live my life without you.”

“That’s just it, though,” he cut in, not letting me finish my full thought. I glared. “I should never have broken up with you.”

A laugh escaped my lips and we both looked shocked for a moment at the sound. “It’s a bit late for that now,” I muttered quietly, turning to glance back at the fire. It was growing again, threatening to escape the pit I had dug with my uncle’s help earlier. “I’m sorry, but I’ve got to attend the fire. You are welcome to stay and enjoy yourself, but I really can’t have this conversation right now. You wanted to end things once, and did. I’m not really sure I can trust you again.”

The words hurt. They ripped through me as though I had plunged a dagger into my own stomach and ripped it upward, draining myself of the precious life fluid that also gave me color. I was sure I looked paler than normal in the glow of the fire, but it didn’t matter. What was done was done. I wouldn’t take back what I said, go crawling back to the man I had loved. I had to move forward. I had to find myself again and I couldn’t do that with the trust issues that were growing within me. I was raised to be a strong and independent woman, trusted to handle a bonfire. I needed to find that girl again, rekindle the flame I had once had in me now diminished to a spark. I didn’t wait for a response. I just moved to the fire, to my friends, to the life I still had ahead of me.