Love after Loss

The young woman packs up the last box with her stuff. Her blond hair is tied up in a sleek bun and her usual dress is replaced with an oversized T-shirt with matching sweatpants. Her golden cross necklace sways as she tapes up the cardboard box together. Her fingers tremble as she smoothes the box. She then carries the box towards the silver Nissan Sentra and hands the item to the older man, who grunts with buckling knees. Despite this, he walks to the back of the car and places the box in the trunk. He releases a sigh of relief as he cracks his back with an audible pop.

“Honey, you really packed this one. Your old man isn’t as strong as he used to be, you know,” he says with a laugh. Despite her broken heart, she can't help but smile. The older man always knows how to make her smile. She walks up to him and stands by him as they look at her things.

“I know, Dad. But we need to go right now. I don't want Jake to see me after returning from work,” she says. Her father places a firm hand on her shoulder. She grips the end of the hand with the same firmness. Her eyes sting as her strong demeanour threatens to fall apart. Holding onto her reserve, The blonde woman continues blinking the pain away. 

She grips on the edge of the trunk and yanks it down. The slam of the sound causes the older man to flinch. 

“Hey hey hey. Watch the car, Jessica. You know I’ve had this old beauty for almost twenty years,” he scorns. His voice is light enough to not be aggressive, but firm to show that he means business. 

“I’m sorry, Dad." Jessica’s voice is barely above a whisper. "Everything hurts,” she mutters while looking away. In the corner of her eye, her father sighs and looks away. He rubs the back of his neck. 

“It’s okay sweetie. Just don’t put it out on the car. It didn’t do anything to you. Look, I’ll be in the car. Let me know when you are ready to go home,” he says. Jessica nods and makes her way inside the flat. 

The living room of the dingy place only consists of Jake’s couch, TV, gaming system and coffee table. Just as it needs to be. She then walks to her old bedroom. The room is as bare as the day she moved in. The bubbly atmosphere she brought into the bedroom is now dull with the emptiness of her vacancy. The desk and bed are deprived of her rich personality. The warm air is replaced with a cold chill and deep anger seeps in her. 

It’s like she can hear her old self running into the room with the definition of jubilation. Jessica watches her being held in Jake’s arms and they watch movies together in bed. 

She allows one tear to roll down her face as she relives the worst thing to happen in this room: the shock of hearing the noise, the disgust of seeing them together, and Jake's audacity afterwards. Jessica remembers everything.

However, the memory of Jake and Castella in her bedsheets stings a little less now. All she needs is to move on. 

Jessica storms out of the small apartment, glancing at the key she left on the kitchen island before leaving. Jessica then slams the door behind her and marches to the car. 

As she opens the door and sits in the backseat, She leans her head on the window. The scent of poutine fills her nostrils. She looks down at the door handle and notices the old brown stain is still there. 

“Are you okay, sweetie?” the woman asks, her voice soft like pillows. Jessica lifts her head and slowly nods. The older woman smiles, revealing her faint wrinkles. Even though age is taking its toll on her, the gentle aura around her still feels the same.

“Yeah, Mum. I need some time to think. That's all,” Jessica says. She waits as her dad tries starting up the car. The car judders before going still. He tries again and it happens once again. 

“Oh come on. You can do it, girl,” Jessica's dad pleads. His wife scoffs and rolls her eyes. 

“Gabe, maybe Sally has run her course.” 

“No no, Hannah. She still has some juice in her,” he counters. Jessica’s father twists the key, and once again it judders before stopping. 

“If you say so,” she says while shrugging. Gabe twists the key once more and the engine roars with life. 

Both Gabe and Hannah cheer with complete shock and joy. They share a quick smooch before driving off. Jessica's sky eyes watch as the apartment she has called home for two years rolls away.

“You know, sweetie,” Jessica’s mum says. “Your father and I are very proud of you. This is just a minor bump in the road, okay? God has someone out there waiting for you,” Her mother’s words soothe Jessica’s aching pain. She nods again, thankful for her parents in her time of need. She grips onto her golden cross and holds it close to her heart. The heat from her hand warms the cross as her clutch tightens.

If God is so good, then why? Why does this hurt so much? Why did she forgive her boyfriend, giving him the chance to redeem himself only for him to betray her again?

“I never liked the boy,” Gabe grumbles. 

“Gabe!” His wife slightly taps his shoulder with scorn. He responds with a shrug as he makes a right. 

“What? I have to tell the truth. The first time the pompous pube broke my baby Jess’ heart was the last straw. I kept praying to have my little girl back, and he answered my prayers,” he says with vigour. Jessica can’t help but break into a smile. Jessica’s mum shakes her head at her husband. At least Jessica can thank God for giving her parents like Hannah and Gabriel Gand.

"Language! You don’t need to be so brash, darling," Hannah scolds. She tsks as the woman looks back at her daughter, making sure that Jessica is okay. "We need to be careful. You remember when Lola and her ex-husband were separated and how the whole church overreacted?” Hannah asks. Gabe, remembering the moment, starts laughing hysterically. 

Hannah, trying to keep a straight face, can't hold it in and joins her husband's chuckle. Jessica can’t help it. The contagious energy radiating off her parents allows her to laugh for the first time in what feels like forever. 

The drive from the University back to her childhood home wasn’t long. Somehow the seventeen-minute drive feels like five minutes. 

Jessica watches as the tall building drives by and is replaced with the tight-knit one-storey houses. The neighbourhood used to empower Jessica to escape this life. Now, she wants nothing more than to return to her old sanction, her community, and her comfort. 

Jessica sees her old self play with the broken lamp post with her childhood friends from church. The old grocery store is replaced with Loblaws. The change makes her uneasy as she recognises how long it has been since she last visited the suburbs. 

Soon, the car stops and they arrive home. Jessica gets out of the car and closes the door behind her. She then looks up at her home. The dingy old thing doesn’t look any different than when she left. 

She makes her way to the trunk before her mother stops her. 

“Not so fast, young lady. You’ve had a long day. Don’t you need to finish your studies or something?” Hannah asks. Jessica nods. Hannah walks up to her and invites her into her loving arms. Jessica takes the opportunity to hold onto her rock. Jessica buries her face in her mother’s shoulder, clinging to the warmth she had missed for so long. They sway side to side, putting Jessica in a state of ease. The tough exterior Jessica has finally crumbles, revealing the vulnerable girl. Hannah strokes the back of Jessica's hair as she cries onto her mother's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry, Mum. I should've listened to you. I'm so sorry about everything," Jessica whispers through her sobs. The years of pushing her mum away, ignoring her text messages, and avoiding her calls made her ashamed. How can she hurt someone so kind and nurturing?

“It's okay, sweetie. You were in love, it happens. I'm just happy to have you back in my arms. Look at me, sweetie" Jessica's mum pulls her daughter, ensuring their eyes meet. Jessica's swollen red eyes look into her mother's soothing blue gaze. Hannah reaches over and wipes a tear away from her baby's cheek.

"Your father and I are so proud of you, okay? Don’t let your horrible ex take away your accomplishments. Your intelligence is an incredible gift that God gave you, and it has brought you so far. You were the first of our family to study at University with full scholarships and graduate with full Honours. You are amazing, you hear me? Never forget how much we love you,” Hannah whispers before bringing her little girl back into their warm embrace. Jessica tightens her grip for a few more moments, allowing her tears to flow down her cheeks. 

"I love you, Mum" Jessica whispers. Hannah gently kisses the side of her daughter's head.

"I love you too,"