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Sad

I push the door open and gently close it behind me, the sunset projects through the windows as I take a seat at an empty table. Man, I haven't been here since I was younger. I think to myself, Why haven't I been here for so long? 

I run my hand over the twisted and dusty shelves, as I look down I see a newspaper of when I first came into this lovely town. It isn't so lovely anymore, because of me, but in my heart, it will be just the same as when I first stepped foot into this book shop.

This book shop is about over 100 years old and I'm surprised it hasn't collapsed in on itself as I did. I wonder what my life could have been if I didn't resort to a life of violence, tragedy, and pain.

I've learned to deal with the vilest of things, but I still wanted a life of peace. Unfortunately, because I have decided that I had to go down the steep and corroded path I cannot.

Maybe if I choose the path I was supposed to years ago then maybe I can find my way to a better place than where I stand in this old, musty, rotting book store awaiting the "hero", so I can end this fake organization that calls themselves truly the heroes that everyone believes them to be.  

There he stands, in his tight latex suit. I never really liked the fashion choice that heroes tend to call "trending" or "popular", believe me when I see a citizen wearing a latex suit with his underwear on top of his trousers, it's only then I shall call it "fashionable".

He calls me as he glares over the dying willow trees and the rubbled street. I make no hesitation to crawl out of the small corner shop that I had been beginning to get bored of. "well hello!", I call out enthusiastically as I sit on a pile of smashed concrete and drywall.

"I don't really want to be a bother but, why have you come?", I ask the so-called "hero" as he treads in my direction.

"what do you mean WHY AM I HERE, I'M HERE TO STOP YOU!", man he really tries to make a point. It's pathetic.

I need to really calm myself down, I think most of why I decided to be this way is because of my irritation issues. This man really gets on my nerves, I mean come on this guy looks stupidly ridiculous in his suit, and you can clearly tell his ego is through the roof.

I put my pointer finger, my middle finger, and my thumb onto my forehead sighing in annoyance.

"STOP ME FROM WHAT...", I say like a psycho laughing and yelling at the same time. It feels as though It's obvious that I don't want to do this anymore. " I don't want to be the way I am PHILLIP... I didn't want to be this way...But I am this way...and I hate myself every day for picking this path...You don't need to judge me because I do that to myself!"

What am I thinking, this isn't going to change his mind...

He knows how many people I've hurt, how many people I killed, it was never on purpose but it happened because it needed to...in my eyes at least.

"I know you're lying, I've seen you kill so many people in cold blood... you can't possibly want to change NOW of all times Leuan..."

I feel comfort in how it's never been that we've said our hero and villain names to one another. It's always been our own names, we were close Phillip and I, like brothers actually. We didn't grow up close to each other, but we always enjoyed the other's company. We always sat on the opposite side of a birch wood fence in the woods, clean, and serene but something had to intervene...

This would have been avoided if I just listened, If I listened to that little voice in my head that told me to stay close, stay with the person you love, your dear friend, your partner in crime as you would think.

I'm the only one who is actually doing crime, but now it seems that I want something different and it is too hard to get back to the place I was 20 years ago...

The autumn breeze whisks through the piles of already dead leaves as I daydream in front of the friend that is now my enemy.

I feel it, a storm, inside me and in the violent slapping of air to my cheeks. Can I stop this? Does it ever end? Do I really want to go back... I can't ask myself these questions now, they can't be answered by anyone but the person standing 5 feet away from me.

"Phillip...", I know he can hear me, but I say it so gently like I don't want him to hear...

He looks at me with anger, maybe he wants us to go back to how we used to be, or am I thinking too much about the past and not the present?

"Why do you want to do this...now?", the pause made me think, maybe I want to do this now because I don't want my issues to keep following me. Maybe I want the pain to stop, I don't want to kill him.

The clouds turn grey, much like my own mind it is clouded and nervous. My hands are cold as I reach over to his arm to take hold of his hand. "I want to do this now, because I know I don't have time...", I never answered what that meant...he would know soon enough because he's the one who did it.

He looked at me again with sympathy, but things aren't all sunshine and rainbows here in this wretched and worn-down Disney land.

"Leuan...", I realized how unique my name sounded coming from his lips. I knew he was never going to forgive me, I could sense him tensing up as his eyes flickered back to anger.

He whispered...He whispered the last sweet nothings in my ear before he stabbed me in the heart and left me there dumbfounded.

"I forgive you...", as soon as I heard those words I thought things could get better...but then I felt something plunge into my chest as I fell into unconsciousness.

I was dead...but I was still alive...

the rain poured above me as I looked at my limp and lifeless body, he really didn't care...after all this time...he didn't care...

"I cared...", was the last words from behind me, I was dead but he could still hear my words ring through his brain.

He walked away leaving my spirit to blow in the warm glow of the sun and the dampness of the rain...

September 20, 2021 15:04

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