The Dimming of the Light.

It was the strangest thing. All the lights in the house had blown, all at the same time.

Lexi Banks stood before the bathroom mirror. Her reflection reminded her of a zombie spawned from one of those gruesome video games. Her ghastly appearance may have been due to the low wattage of one of the only spare globes she could find, but it seemed more likely she’d aged a lifetime overnight. The shadows under her eyes, the onyx of her dim bulbs, the black trenches that ran across her brow and under her bottom lip. It might not have been her reflection at all, but rather a vision of her corpse.

The silken sleeve of her nightgown slid to her elbow as she opened the cabinet. Inside were two kinds of pills: one a ginger concoction marketed to pregnant women who weren’t enjoying their bouts of morning sickness, the other a sleeping aid. It was too dark in there to tell which was which, and though she was suffering from both nausea and insomnia, Lexi decided against medicating. She closed the cabinet, then smoothed her hands over her belly. “We love you, kiddo. We both love you… so much.”

Lexi shuffled to the bed, slid under the covers, and cried herself to sleep.

***

“Hey, lovely lady.”

Lexi opened sleepy eyes. Red numerals cut through the dark, alerting her to the time: 01:02. A warm body was pressed against her back, and an arm was slung around her waist. The familiar scent of peony and jasmine prompted a smile.

Without lifting her head from the pillow, Lexi said, “You’re home already?”

“The meeting was cancelled.” Tyler’s soft lips tickled her lobe. “Did you miss me?”

“I barely noticed you were gone.”

“You lie.” Tyler pecked her temple. “Are you still mad?”

Lexi considered further teasing, but her heart wasn’t in it. The truth was, she felt awful about the way they had left things. She switched on the bedside lamp and rolled over. Facing her was a thirty-two-year-old brunette, whose recent shorter cut was just as becoming as any previous length she’d donned. Her light brown eyes carried a guilt that Lexi wanted to dispel.

“I’m not mad, Tee.”

“You know I would never have left if it wasn’t important.”

Lexi nodded. She’d known it from the moment Tyler had mentioned the impromptu trip, but she’d overreacted nonetheless. “I got a little crazy. I’m sorry.”

Tyler touched soft fingertips to Lexi’s jaw. “It’s okay. I should’ve been more sensitive.”

“It wasn’t your fault. I just… I’m sure it’s the hormones, but I had this overwhelming dread that something bad was going to happen.”

“What do you mean? What kind of bad?” When Lexi didn’t answer, Tyler probed. “Lexi, sweetheart, please tell me. Are you alright? Is it the baby?”

“We’re fine.” Lexi whispered, “We are fine.”

Tyler gave her the side-eye. “Ah. This is about my flight.”

Yes. “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yesss.” Tyler chuckled. Lexi wished she thought it funny. Qantas was the safest airline in the world, but knowing that hadn’t dispelled her sudden, atypical fear.

“Hey.” Tyler snuggled close. “This was my last trip away, okay? I’m here now. You are stuck with me, Lexi Banks. And I have a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?”

Tyler jumped out of the bed, wearing white coveralls conspicuously splashed with pink. “Come on.” She took Lexi’s hand. “Come and see.”

One minute later, Lexi had been directed to Baby’s room, albeit with eyes closed. Tyler hugged her from behind and rested her hands on Lexi’s swollen belly. “Okay,” Tyler said. “You can open them now.”

What Lexi opened her eyes to, was a dazzling display of colour. At the centre of a wall of hot pink, were two frolicking white unicorns with yellow horns. They were facing each other, cheek to cheek, both on back hooves that were sunk into splashes of emerald. Their rainbow tails were swept in an imaginary breeze that could only have belonged to spring, and Lexi could almost smell the cherry blossom.

“Oh, Tee. You finished it.”

“What do you think?”

Lexi turned in Tyler’s arms. She was so ill-practiced at verbalising her emotions, she wasn’t sure she could convey adequately, those feelings that had only ever been inspired within her by this woman who held her so tight. Not that Tyler had seemed to mind. The disparate communication that Lexi had forced upon their relationship – the same reluctance of hers that had most assuredly driven others away – had solidified the pairing into one that had outshone any other, had brought Tyler so deeply into Lexi’s heart that at first, she was terrified. How did people do this? How could it be considered at all sensible to allow someone such open access to the innermost sanctum of one’s heart? It seemed to Lexi like a kind of insanity, and so she had kept to a minimum her own use of those three little words, which, after all, must have formed the most overused expression of any language. She had never wanted to discourage Tyler with her outward dispassion, but at the same time was afraid of the vulnerability that Tyler had so manifestly and endlessly evoked. Not that Tyler had ever betrayed it.

While Lexi was grappling with her thoughts, Tyler said, “I can paint over it if you like.”

There was a sadness in the offering that Lexi had not meant to invoke, and had not the heart to ignore. She planted a palm on Tyler’s chest. “No, you won’t, Tyler Devereaux.”

Tyler replied with a wisp of a smile, “It’s okay?”

“Are you kidding? It’s wonderful.”

Tyler grinned and slipped her hands over Lexi’s hips. “I really wanted to do this for her. And you know, there are still three more walls begging for inspiration. Maybe the two of us could—”

Lexi blurted, “I love you.”

Of course, Lexi loved her. She and Tyler had moved in together, had planned a family together, had planned a life together. Those words should not have been foreign, and Lexi in that moment felt a panic born of shame that she hadn’t made herself more familiar with the lexical representation of her inner landscape, which without Tyler would have been barren.

Lexi repeated, “I love you, Tee.”

“My darling Lex, I know that.”

“I’m so sorry I haven’t told you more often. I… I don’t know why I haven’t.”

Tyler folded her arms and tweaked her eyebrow. “Okay, what is it? Are you having an affair? It’s the OBGYN, isn’t it? Those titillating exercise machine commercials of her flamboyant youth. What was it now. Oh, Ab-Strict? Easy Buns? Although, I suppose I can’t blame you. She did look pretty hot.”

Tyler’s mischievous grin did not alleviate Lexi’s panic. “I feel… I feel like I’ve failed you.”

“Lex, no. I promise, you haven’t.”

“I…” Tears rushed her cheeks. Air left her lungs.

Tyler gripped her shoulders. “Listen to me, Lex. Do you think I would be here, do you think I would be having a baby with you, if I didn’t know?” She cradled Lexi’s jaw with both hands. “No matter what happens, sweetheart, always remember: I know, and I love you.” She placed a delicate kiss on Lexi’s lips. Lexi returned it with passion.

Lexi’s heart was pounding. But it wasn’t the pleasant overarching beat of arousal. It was a sudden, maniacal tremor of terror. Oh please, God, don’t let it be too late.

There was a popping sound, and the room went dark.

***

Lexi woke to her phone vibrating against the bedside dresser. One eye was buried in her pillow, the other she directed at the alarm clock. 10:06. Lexi never slept past eight.

She dragged herself upright and pressed her back against the wall. Tyler’s side of the bed was made, and the curtains were still closed.

“Tee?” Lexi threw the covers aside and climbed off the bed. “Tee?” Her limbs felt like lead, and when she stood, the room swayed like a ship in high seas.

Lexi slipped into her gown, palmed her phone and shuffled through the hallway to the kitchen. There was no coffee brewing, no note on the bench. The Samsung vibrated in her pocket. Lexi checked the screen. There were two missed calls from a number she didn’t recognise, but more importantly, there was a missed call from Tyler. She was about to check the voice message when the doorbell rang. Feeling entirely unpresentable, Lexi considered not answering.

The doorbell rang again.

On the stoop was a young, uniformed police officer, who removed his hat and placed it under his armpit. “Ms Banks?”

“Yes.”

“I’m Officer Kyle Lamprey of Knoxfield police.”

“What… what is it I can do for you, Officer Lamprey?”

Officer Lamprey’s Adam’s Apple bobbed, as though an unpeeled lychee was stuck in his windpipe. “You’re listed as…”

Lexi’s heart was pounding. She only ever remembered it pounding like this the once, and it had happened just that morning, in Baby’s room right before the lights blew. She had considered she might’ve been having a heart attack.

“Ms Banks?”

“I’m sorry, what… what did you say?”

“You’re listed as Tyler Devereaux’s next of kin?”

Yes. But why on earth should he be asking her that? Maybe he wasn’t police at all. Lexi studied the navy-blue uniform, then looked over Lamprey’s shoulder at the marked car with the mounted lights, parked at the curb.

She reluctantly nodded.

“Ms Banks,” he said, “Ms Tyler Devereaux was involved in an accident just after one a.m. this morning. It seems she was enroute to her hotel, after landing at Sydney airport at around 12.30. Her taxi was hit by another taxi. Emergency responders arrived shortly after, and Ms Devereaux was transported to the Royal Prince Alfred hospital. Ms Banks, it’s my sad duty to inform you that Ms Devereaux passed away from her injuries. An investigation is underway, and those officers will be in touch with you soon. Ms Banks, I am…I am so sorry for your loss.”

***

Lexi hadn’t argued with Lamprey. She’d simply thanked him and watched him leave. Clearly, there had been some horrendous mistake. A mistake of identity, or perhaps some galling administrative error. She felt terrible for the family who would at some point rightly receive the news, but it wasn’t Lexi’s family. It wasn’t Lexi’s news.

She took the phone from her pocket and checked on Tyler’s call.

Thursday, 27 July 2023

15283548.amr

101 MessageBank

Tyler tapped play and pressed the phone to her ear.

‘My darling Lexi. I guess you’re sleeping. I just… I wanted to apologise for us leaving things the way we did. This trip seemed so damned important, but now that I’m here, I wish I’d stayed home. I wished I’d just… crawled into bed with you. I know I’ve told you this before, but you and Baby have made me so incredibly happy.’

A man’s voice Lexi didn’t recognise: ‘Looks like we need to make a detour, Miss.’

‘Oh, okay. Lex, I’m almost at the hotel. I’ll call in a few hours. And I’ll be home as soon as I can. And then I’m going to make it up to you, starting with a pair of unicorns. Lexi, sweetheart, I love—”

An explosive din – a ruckus that made no sense – abruptly ended the message. Stunned, Lexi checked the time of the call: 1:01am.

***

What are you waiting for?

You know she was here. She was here.

Walking into that room was one of the hardest things Lexi had ever done. She did it with her eyes closed, and once inside, immediately pressed her back to the door.

She could feel Tyler’s arms wrapped around her, could smell her perfume.

Oh please, God, don’t let it be too late…

Lexi opened her eyes.

In the first, paint tins lined against the wall.

A pile of drop-sheets, clean and neatly folded.

Paint trays and rollers, and a collection of brushes with the bristles still sheathed in their clear plastic sleeves.

A neatly folded pair of white coveralls.

There was no hot pink, only a lifeless pale yellow. One wall displayed a pencil outline of two equine beasts, each with a long thin triangle protruding from a bold forehead.

On unsteady feet she approached. Then with a shaky finger, Lexi caressed the familiar grey outline, from noble crown to sturdy hoof. She noticed beneath one of them, a discretely scribed dedication: For our daughter. LB+TD.

***

It was the strangest thing. All the lights in the house had blown, all at the same time.

Lexi shuffled to the bed, slid under the covers, and cried herself to sleep.