Sun & Moon, Sun, Moon

~ We ~

You were my sun, and I was your moon. Together We hung the sky full of stars that led the way to salvation. While gazing into each other’s eyes, secrets poured of our lips one by one. I knew all your darkest desires and your brightest heights, and I kept them locked away in my heart, safe from harm. With closed eyes, I could draw You, every freckle and every wrinkle that grew over time, the shape of your lips forming a smile, forming a frown. We used to be everything.

Now, there is barely any light left, and the sparkle from your eyes is long gone. However, a moon is nothing without its sun, and by your dwindling light, I can barely determine where I start, and You end. Our realness is gone. The thoughts You used to share now remain an ever-hidden mystery inside your head. For sure, You share them with someone else. And that hurts more than You only looking for physical comfort elsewhere. Because if I can’t be the person, You rely on, who am I truly?

When I look at You now, it’s like watching someone that I used to know an eternity ago. Every other minute You check your messages, the food I prepared getting cold as You poke around the plate. Don’t You realize that I am doing my very best? Or are You just unimpressed? When I try to ask about your day, I receive the same answers as always – “Good”, “I’m doing fine”, “The new project is coming along nicely”. Although I know all your co-workers because We hosted countless barbeques at our place, they never appear in our conversation anymore. For all I know, they could have quit because You wouldn’t tell anyway. You ceased to ask about my day months ago.

Over time my attempts at fixing us have been getting increasingly desperate. As a last resort, I began to pick fights with You to provoke just the tiniest reaction. To prove that We were still worth something because otherwise, We wouldn’t fight about it, right?

But I have gotten quieter, even though I do not want to give up on us, yet. The fights have stopped, and I know We are just coexisting at this point, two beings that once were so entangled in their deepest cores that they were one. There is no use in fighting against windmills if one stands alone.

So, why do I still need You to define myself? I have my own job and friends and hobbies, even though We shared most of them. Still, I feel like my very core is missing when You leave again and again without sharing your destination. I long for our love even though it grew cold a long time ago. And I yearn for what we could have built together even though a future as it is, isn’t a real future at all. Yet, I ache for what We could have been and the potential We could have fulfilled.

You were my sun, and I was your moon. But there is no We anymore, reduced to two separate halves as far away as two stars in the galaxy, light years apart.

~ You and I ~

The underlying nature of every human is, indeed, selfishness. Society only works because of human’s egocentric nature. If it wasn’t for an I, the We wouldn’t even be possible. The fact that I act on that selfishness doesn’t make me a faulty person. One could even say it qualifies me as the most human person on earth.

Of course, I feel miserable for causing You pain and after all those years you are still important to me. But You know as well as I do that the cause for us to fall apart doesn’t lay by me alone. Where I yearned for space, You desired closeness. Where I longed to experience the world in every shape and form You were quite content with staying in your bubble, safe and shielded. The longer We stayed together, the more I feared losing myself.

No, I am more of a catalyst than a reason. The one to set everything in motion because You were too afraid to distinguish yourself from the We that had been created.

You knew me before We became one, and you were aware that I am desiring freedom above all else, above security and above love. Trying to cage me in was predetermined to fail. Even though I do not want to blame You, I stand by my opinion – You should have known. I am not accountable for You giving away your heart and losing it in the process. It’s rude to take back presents after all.

At long last, the fighting has stopped. Hurting You was never my goal, and the words I hurled at you in frustration were never meant to cut as deep as they did. In the silence, I find safety from your expectations even though I can still perceive them in the looks You give me. As always, I can read your thoughts and sentiments, now, however, I just choose to ignore them. Because I am no longer willing to give everything that I am, and maybe I never was. And even though I appreciate the things You do for me I can no longer value You for the person You are.

The freedom I find elsewhere reminds me of the first times we shared together, kisses and secrets and adventures. For the first time in so long, I can shine as bright as I was meant to be and instead of someone trying to dampen by flame, there is someone lighting up my fire.

I know I should let things come to an end, for the longer I let the situation continue as it is, the more the end will hurt. However, I am not ready for the cut, and neither are You. Even though I feel caught in what We have, I am not willing to set myself free, yet. Maybe We were never meant to be, but it was nice while it lasted.

~ He ~

When he met her for the first time, he was blinded by her brightness. Reflected by her hair, the light shining through the windows broke into a million colorful pieces, shattered along the walls. Her smile not only lit up the entire room but started a fire inside his heart that no man could ever extinguish. With colleagues as delightful as her, he thought, this new job might be the best thing that happened to him in the past five years.

At first, he didn’t know that she wasn’t on her own. Then, he didn’t care because there was a spark between them that he couldn’t ignore. Disregarding their colleagues whispers as they were caught – again – standing too close together, he let himself be pulled even closer.

Holding hands for the first time accelerated his heartbeat into unknown heights. And when she was under him, looking up, a mischievous smile on her lips, he was sure that he found the way to salvation. They loved each other hard and fast, a race to finish, and they loved each other slow and steady, like midsummer sunrise. Most of all, though, they loved each other completely, a flame consuming everything in their path.

Sometimes, he felt for the other person because he could not imagine the pain of losing her. However, he never met them, and thereby his sympathy was short-lived. The constant fighting she told him about served as justification for his actions. They didn’t deserve her, for she was a goddess, and she was to be treated as such.

Her mere presence made him feel elevated and significant in a way nothing ever did before, and in the face of her radiant energy, he worshipped her hoping for her brightness to pass onto him. At her feet, he laid himself in offering, fully aware that he left himself vulnerable. However, she was worth every sacrifice now and for eternity.

In the end, she drew him into her orbit with ever-steady attraction, and his circles grew more stable the longer he revolved around her.