Running It

I'm running the show. This is me speaking. I've been through a lot of hard times and I've been blamed for everything in my life and if you want to be mad at me because of how my life turned out because it was something that happened. That wasn't even my fault then go ahead if everybody hates me and runs away from me. Because of all the experiences that have shaped me and the things they heard about me that the circumstances I got myself into then go ahead.

So at least the planet is somewhat peaceful.I don't know, maybe we should do some peace talks.I don't know, maybe we should stop Ego fighting and trying to see.Who's best or better and try to get along peacefully?So we can all survive instead of one person having to be better than the other.

This world will only thrive when all care for each other equally and try to distribute the goods and services of food and housing and shelter and education and school and care for the children and the kids.

I know there is a lot of commerce in the internet and in the physical world.And there's trade wars and all the prices that go up-and-down.But I guess maybe some say it's just left to luck.How you do in this life.

Some are luckier than others.They say but I think that's just an excuse that makes them able to hang on to their wealth.

So what?

About accountability like I was abused but I let the person get away with it.And they're flying high with my soul while I'm starving incomplete.

Oh, that's just the way it is.Don't make a big deal about it right cause you don't want to start a scene.You don't know how it will go if you bring them to court and you don't want to humiliate yourself in front of everyone just to be blamed again.

It's all in the wording.I think, but I'm looking for my soul so I can feel okay.Is that so bad.

Why am I the guilty one when I was the victim.

It doesn't seem right at all but I don't know how to turn it around.Things are just how they are.They've settled this way.

Why do I have to take the blame for everything.

Why do I not see my daughters but my family does?Why does the family get together without me happily.

Why do people run away from me when they see me on the street and call me names.

And talk about me and laugh about me.

Maybe what they don't know is that through all of my hardships of my life, what I was thrown into against my will.I have become very powerful and my mind is powerful.

I am not a suicidal person though I have felt that way but I never acted on it.

I am in mental health care.I do not picture myself as part of society or my family or even mental health.But I am my separate entity.

I continue on my path with my mind.Conjuring up people that I cherish to keep me company during the day.

Life goes on and I am lonely a lot of the time.Trying to get my business going.I'm making paintings and jewelry and writing books but I don't know how to get the word out.

I have some supporters and followers and friends and my family is.You know there for me as much as they are able.

I don't know.

I just wanted to rant and rave.Thank you.

I have a long way to go for the word counts, so I'm just gonna keep talking and rambling.I don't know if I can make this scool.Thing happened $61,000.The tuition and it just seems very undoable for me and my low income.

I will try to approach my family if need be.But that will be hard.I don't know maybe impossible.

I'm getting new teeth because my teeth were taken out because they were cracking in the back of the teeth in the front of my mouth.

And I hope that works out and they don't hurt and aren't painful, the partial dentures.

I don't know what else is going on in my life.But I just wish my daughters.Would.I hope they're alright.I everyone's doing their own thing.There's just like nothing to do I mean each day is a new life but

I just wanna be.I hope this school thing works out.And I can apply for a job as a writer for tv or film.

I hope I can keep up.And the people have been great so far.

I'm really excited.My family doesn't have no comment mostly.

But also my endeavors are going good and I guess it's another day.I'm just a little shell-shocked still from meeting my partner and getting together.

We knew each other for a while, but we fight.But the tables have turned, he used to be my controller.Or whatever and now I seem to be the one in charge.

I'm glad that happened but now I have to worry about his welfare and hope he's alright all the time.

No, but I mean really.He had me down and like I was actually suffering and struggling for freedom.And now i've built myself up to the point where i'm on top.

So I wish everyone well, have a good day peace everywhere and hope everyone gets a daily meal and a bed to rest in.

Hallelujah.

Alright, I have to talk a little more for the word count, but so I've been in 5 hospitals in 5 residences.You might know that about me already.

I mean in mental health.

And I don't know what I did.I bounced the ball and some plants.I cut a cat's whiskers halfway off on each side.I rolled over my daughter's head because there was 2 much energy in the apartment.With like fifteen people , there ended up spending ten years in a hospital.

And I think just because I touched my dad's neck one time , i'm accused of making him have an illness.

And I think I sort of jumped toward a tree to get out of an apartment from a window on the third story and broke my wrist bone, dislocated my elbow and my feet puffed up.

I just want to say this all to get it out. And just so you know where my story is coming from. I also since all everything the rugs. The curtains, the towels, the walls, the seats in the bathroom at my grandparents was white. I actually needed something darker brown and I took a piece of poop out of the toilet and ate it..

So

Those are my sins.Also I think I was fed human meat human body meat one time because I was involved with someone who was also involved with the mafia.

I also did something good against everyone's wishes.I gave birth to my baby.

Who I don't see what is this life for you know.