And There She Was

And There She Was

As my junior year of college was nearing its end, the barrage of endless phone calls, text messages, and e-mails from my parents was unrelenting. What was I going to do this summer to prepare for my future? Messages with the names of contacts who might have a job opportunity for me, e-mails with links to summer internships, and texts reminding me to follow up on each one, signed with an “I love you” and a heart or smiley face emoji. My response was always a heavy sigh and dramatic eye roll. I had finals to study for, projects due, an apartment to pack up, and countless sorority and fraternity parties to attend. Also, I already knew what I was going to do, I just hadn’t told them yet.

I knew this would be the last time I would have a true summer, one with little responsibility, days of sleeping in, nights that lasted into the morning. After this year, I would be spending my days in an office, reporting to a boss I would most likely despise, spending most of my paycheck on rent, and subsisting on ramen noodles to save just enough money to enjoy my two days and nights of freedom, the weekend. I wasn’t going to spend my last summer before the ominous responsibilities of adulthood took over my life, doing what I was going to be forced to do for the rest of my life.

I finally mustered the courage to call my dad when I knew he would be alone. He was easier to deal with and would be more open-minded to my idea. I hung up the phone and released a sigh of relief, but only for a moment, for I knew my mom would be calling as soon as she returned home after her bridge game at the club to explain to me just why my idea is preposterous and how it will be detrimental to my future career. I opened a bottle of wine, smoked a joint, and braced myself for the doomed phone call.

The next month was spent preparing for exams, completing class projects, and packing up my room in the sorority house. Three days after I took my last final, Jeremy drove me to the train station. He tried once again, with his pleading voice, to convince me to stay. I kissed him and promised to call as soon as I was settled, reminding him that I would only be gone for a few months. I grabbed my suitcase from the back seat and smiled before closing the door. I walked away without turning around.

After two days on the train and an hour-long bus ride, I arrived in the town that would serve as my home for the next three months. I stepped off the bus and took in my new surroundings. I walked for a bit until I found a bench to sit on and pondered my next move. Every sense was piqued; the sound of country music pouring from a bar a few doors down insulted my eardrums, the scent of pine trees prickled my nostrils, the glare of the sun reflecting off the mountains in the backdrop made my eyes water, my mouth salivated from the burgers being grilled in a restaurant nearby, and the splinters from the bench were piercing the backs of my legs.

I had two days to settle in before my job started. Two days before I would stand behind the poolside bar mixing cocktails, slicing fresh lemons and limes, and refilling bowls of some kind of assorted bar mix. Twelve weeks at a luxury resort, breathing in the mountain air, the rays of the sun, intensified by the high altitude, warming my skin. I had Jeremy waiting for me at home, but I still wouldn’t mind the additional benefit of the sight of a few attractive men, there was no harm in that.

I planned to stay in town before checking into the staff quarters, I would be spending enough time there; I wanted to acquaint myself with the area, maybe get to know some of the people who actually lived there, not those who were doing the exact same thing that I was.

I entered the address of my hotel into my phone and followed the directed route, the walk would feel good after days of just sitting. Summertime in a resort town isn’t cheap, but I was able to find a decent hotel for a reasonable rate. Inside the hotel lobby was a side table holding containers of ice water, lemonade, and iced tea. The condensation of the liquid forming around the glass dispensers was too hard to resist. I filled a plastic cup with iced tea, drank it down in just a few sips, then refilled the cup, this time squeezing the juice of two lemon slices and slowly savoring the burn of the sour lemon juice. I felt myself relax and feel a happiness that I hadn’t in a long time.

I smiled as I approached the reservations counter and was greeted by an extremely handsome bellhop. I could barely focus on his words; I was so taken in by his beauty. Something about Becky returning in a moment to help me get checked in, I think it was Becky. I was mesmerized by his eyes, I didn’t give a shit about Becky, or maybe it was Betsy. Of course, the allure of his eyes was interrupted by the thought of Jeremy. I felt a pit of guilt settle in my stomach. I reminded myself that it was ok to enjoy the view, just don’t indulge. And my god, was he even legal?

“Good afternoon and welcome to the Mountain Inn! Are you checking in today?” I glanced over and noticed a young girl, whose name tag read Betty, sweetly smiling at me.

I gave her my name and handed her my driver’s license. We engaged in the expected degree and context of dialogue. I confirmed that yes, I would be staying two nights, that I had not stayed with them before, and that indeed my travel there had been easy. I wasn’t quite as honest when she asked my purpose for the visit. I didn’t want to explain my life and the reason for my presence in “their peaceful and beautiful town”, it was easier to pretend I was there for a funeral. I was a little surprised at how quickly the lie came to me, and a bit concerned about the slight amusement I felt at her look of pity. I assured her my friend’s grandfather was very old, had lived a great life, and died peacefully in his sleep. The relief she felt was clear, the dramatic release of her shoulders, the tilt of her head and sympathetic smile I could see in her eyes all eased my guilt a bit.

I accepted the offer of the cute bellhop, “sure, I’d love some help with my bags.” There was that tinge of guilt again, but I shrugged it off, I would never cheat on Jeremy.

I handed him a five-dollar bill, wished him a wonderful day, and thanked him for his help. But before he could leave, I stopped him.

“So, where’s the best place to grab a drink and dinner around here?”

He turned back and picked up a map of the town that sat on the desk, alongside various pamphlets of “things to do”, “best places to dine”, and “a quick history of our beautiful and welcoming town”. He asked me what I was in the mood for, casual or dressy, pizzeria or steakhouse, loud or quiet, then highlighted and placed an asterisk next to the hotel, then did the same to a few of his favorite places, plus a few that other guests have enjoyed.

I took a quick shower, put on a pair of jeans and a tank top, grabbed a pair of sandals, and decided at the last minute add a touch of lip gloss and mascara.

The chime of the elevator let me know that it had arrived. As I stepped through the opening doors, there stood the cute bellhop. We smiled and laughed that once again, we were together. I made the proper small talk, asked him how long he had worked there, was he from the area, the typical conversation one would have while riding in an elevator. I was both disappointed and relieved when we stopped at the floor below to pick up two other guests. I couldn’t determine their relationship, but I finally figured out that they were cousins, not a romantic couple as I had guessed. The conversation then shifted between them and the cute bellhop. I needed a drink.

The elevator opened, we all parted ways and wished each other a great evening. I was sure my cute crush gave me an extra smile, one with a hint of flirtation. I took a deep breath and composed myself before heading to a bar just a few blocks away that was guaranteed to make great cocktails and served everything from salads and chicken wings to steak and baked potatoes but was best known for their pizza.

As the door opened, I instantly smelled the charbroiled steaks that were being served. I heard faint laughter and great classic rock being played on a jukebox. I surveyed the room and decided to sit at the bar. I didn’t feel like eating and drinking alone, hopefully there would be fun people at the bar, or at the very least, a cute bartender to flirt with. Once again, Jeremy’s adorable smile crept into my mind. I walked towards the far side of the bar, spying a barstool with a free stool on either side, and held onto the edge of the bar as I slid onto the seat.

The bartender turned around, smiling and handed me a menu. A wave of electricity traveled through my entire body, my temperature shot up, my heart began to race, and I experienced a sensation that I had never experienced before, not ever. There was no amount of guilt that could quash this feeling, it was beyond my control, and it scared me.

I smiled back and asked where the restroom was, my voice trembling, my words barely audible. I slid the strap of my purse over my shoulder, climbed down off the barstool, and headed back towards the door, my only escape to freedom.

I caught my breath after hurriedly walking back towards the hotel. I had to call Jeremy. Not only had I promised to do so once I had arrived, but I needed to hear his voice to get myself together, to remind myself how much I loved him, maybe hoping to feel that same excitement I had felt just moments ago, but because of someone else.

I decided to go back to my room and simply raid the minibar and hopefully numb my mind with some ridiculously expensive gin and a bag of Doritos. I waved to Betty, apparently my crush was gone for the night, or maybe just somewhere else flirtatiously assisting another guest.

I flopped on my bed, told myself I was overthinking things, that I was tired, I missed Jeremy, I was simply excited about doing something new and on my own. I grabbed the ice bucket and wandered the hall in search of the ice machine. The elevator doors dinged and out walked the bellhop. He said that he saw me walk through the lobby and hoped that I had found the bar OK and asked if I needed anything. I told him that I had, said that it was busy and loud, that I had a headache and wanted to just get some rest, then I asked him where the ice machine was. He began to take the ice bucket from my hands and directed me back towards my room, then told me he would bring me the ice.

I changed into some sweats while I waited, then I heard the knock at my door. He handed me a full container of ice, the cold sending a chill through my fingertips. I smiled, thanked him, and wished him a nice evening as I took the ice and closed the door.

After two miniature bottles of gin and some peanut M&Ms, I downed a bottle of water which I’m sure cost me almost as much as the room, then I called Jeremy. We talked for about an hour, caught up on each other’s days, told each other we loved and missed each other, then I told him I’d text him tomorrow and we hung up. I took the last sip of the third bottle of gin that I had opened while we were talking, and my mind went immediately back to the bartender.

I lay back on the bed and slid my hand down my pants and felt a pleasure I hadn’t felt before. I felt tears seeping from the corners of my eyes, unsure of the cause. I couldn’t tell if it was guilt, shame, fear, or the sheer ecstasy that I had just experienced that made me sob uncontrollably.

I drank another glass of water, this time from the tap, the cost of this night was adding up, and swallowed four Advil. I brushed my teeth and splashed some water on my face, then grabbed the remote and climbed into bed.

A rerun of some sitcom from the 70’s was on, it was dumb, but after searching through the other 12 available channels, I suffered through it. As I lay there, I tried to block out the excitement I had felt, it was wrong, I had to ignore it. I wasn't expected at the resort for two more days, maybe I would call tomorrow and let them know I’d be there earlier than planned. That was a good idea, the right thing to do. I continued to flip through the channels, but nothing captured my attention.

I stood to get my book and another snack from the minibar, hopefully something a little healthier this time. I glanced over at the pile of clothes I had strewn across the floor and decided to clean up a bit. I picked up my jeans and folded them, then went to hang my top in the closet. A speck of red caught my eye, peeking out from the top of my garment bag, one of the two sexy dresses I had packed.

I wasn’t sure what I was hoping for. I couldn’t remember the last time I was this nervous, I worried the bartender wouldn’t even be there, but even more afraid the opposite would be true.

I walked through the door, blinded by fear. It was pure adrenaline that led me there, directed me back to the same stool I had sat on just hours ago. My heart pounded so hard; I felt the thumping in my ears. I scanned the faces of everyone behind the bar, still unsure of what I hoped for, but disappointed when I didn’t recognize any of them.

In my periphery I saw the smile, I swore I even recognized the scent. I turned, and there she was. I felt the same shock of electricity travelling throughout my body I had before. She looked at me and seemed to remember me and seemed pleased that I had returned.

We passed a secret message to each other with our eyes. I once again asked her where the restroom was. She asked if I was going to disappear on her again. I shook my head "no", stared for a moment and began to walk.

I heard her footsteps behind me, but mostly I sensed her energy. As I entered the bathroom, she followed. As I opened the stall door, she followed.

I had never been kissed so softly yet passionately. I had never been touched so gently yet so intensely.

She brushed my cheek with the backside of her hand, kissed me once again, and turned to leave.