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Crime Fiction Funny

 We’re running out of time” Sky said grabbing her best friend/ PI partner by the hand to force her to run faster through the vineyard which was muddy and slippery.

“We need to get this evidence into the police before they arrest the wrong man” Sky was saying pulling her partners hand, not realising she was causing her to become off balance.

Next thing she knows she is being pulled down to the ground.

“What the hell si!” Sky yelled as she went splat onto muddy grounds.

She looked at Si to growl her for slipping and dragging her down too, but instead she burst out laughing as Si lifted her face out of the mud covered in it.

“You idiot Sky, this is your fault.” Si growled her. Sky didnt much care all she could do was laugh.

“Now we need to go home and change.” " Sorry Si, no time for that, the police were putting together their case to arrest victor, we need to get this to them before they go.” Sky said holding up the murder weapon that was used to kill the mayors wife.

Lucky Victor, who was the prime suspect hired tge girls to investigate the murder so he wouldnt be wrongfully imprisonrd.

“Come on Si, we have to prove it was the mayor who killed his wife”. Sky said as she helped her partner to her feet.

" But detective Ross might be there, he can’t see me like this.” Si replied

“Yeah your right Si, looking good to the man your crushing on is way more important than clearing Victor and making sure our town isnt run by a wife murdering mayor.”

" Oh bloody hell Sky, you will be the murdered one if detective Ross sees me.”

Sky grabbed Si by the hand again so they could carry on running, knowing better than to be led by Sky, Si pulled her hand away.

" Think i can run without your hand thank you.” Si told her.

The two girls ran as fast as they could towards their car which was parked on the side of the road by the Vineyard.

Well at least they thought the car was there. Little did they know that whilst searching the vineyard for evidence, the car had been stolen.

They reached their final herdle, the fence. They knew they couldn’t just stroll out the driveway since they had previously set of alarms, so the security would bound to be looking for them. Once at the fence Sky offered to give Si a boost to help get her up and over.

“No Ill pass I don’t much like your help Ill give you a boost”

“How about we both just help ourselves then ay” Sky suggested

Si started climbing the 8ft high fence and Sky was right behind her. As Si reached the top she stopped.

“What are you waiting for Si hurry up.” Sky told her

Then they both heard yelling and running coming in their direction

“Oi. You. Trespassers stop.” they could hear being yelled at them

This gave Sky such a fright and in need of being quick she decided her partner was taking to long and need a helping hand so she gave her a push, helping her to get to the ground quicker.

“ARGH.” Si screamed as she plummeted to the ground.Luckily there were some bushes on the other side that helped soften her fall to the ground. Sky got to climb down a bit more gracefully and once at the bottem Si tackled her.

“What the hell is wrong with you?’ Sky asked her

“Me, aint nothing wrong with me. Whats wrong with you?’ Si replied

“Nothing wrong with me either, so that’s good lets get to the car” Sky said acting as if having pushed Si was a normal thing to do.

“Which way?’ Si asked

“The driveway is up there and we parked at the end of it so that way.” Sky said pointing so the girls ran off in that direction hoping the security officers weren’t going to meet them at the car.

“Umm Sky, where is the car?’”

“It should be right here, Im sure we left it here, didnt we?” Sky asked turning to Si hoping she might have an answer

“Yup we did but where is it now Sky? Did you lock it like I reminded you?”

“Yuhh of course I did.”

“Damn we have to keep going I can hear the security theyre close.” Si told her wanting to get as far away from them as possible.

They had no choice but to start running. Not only did they need to get away but they were also running out of time to get the evidence into the police station.

As they were running Si could hear a car coming, knowing that security was after them they knew they had to hide so Si pushed Sky into the bushes along the road side. Sky jumped up to see what the hell was going on and Si grabbed her pulling her back down, and just in time too as the car drove passed them. But, not realizing they were on a bank, when Sky was pulled back down she went rolling down the bank and into some thorny bushes.

“Aaarrgghh Si.” Sky cried

Si was a bit surprised that her partners cry out was actually getting further away from her. She shone the torch from her phone in the direction of Sky’s voice and watched her roll away. She laughed, she laughed so hard as it wasn’t what she expected to see since she thought they were on flat ground. Si jumped up to go help her when she noticed that she had landed in berry bushes.

“They payback is blissful, and yip it sure is.” Si laughed as she helped her friend out.

They reached the highway and started to hitchhike back into the city. They felt like they had been to war and back. They were both stumbling along the roadside due to injurys they had endured at the hands of each other, this made it hard for them to get a ride as all passers by figured they were a couple of drunken idiots by the way they walked.

Finally a fruit and veggie truck pulled over to give them a ride. The girls had to jump in the back though cause the driver had his two children in the truck with them.

“Dont eat or even touch my merchandise.” the driver told them

“Whats wrong with you girls, why are you walking like that?” one of the children asked them

“Whats wrong with.” Sky began to say, Si knew that what ever she was going to say would prevent them from getting hte ride they so desperatly needed so she used her hand and put it over Skys mouth.

“We are just very tired.” Si told the child

As they were walking around to the back of the truck to get in Sky asked Si why she didnt let her speak

“With your mouth Sky, we wouldve been walking all night.”

“What why? I was only going to ask the kid what was wrong with his face.”

“Exactly and do you really think the dad would still give us a ride after you insulted his kid, cause I very much doubt it.” Si tried explaining to her

“Did you see his face Si? That kid needs a new face.”

“Sky, your horrible.”

“Not as horrible as you.” Sky started arguing with Si until they opened the back of the truck and were blown away with the worst stench they had ever come across. The fruit and Vegies they were about to ride with were rotting.

“Oh nah, hells no.” Si said backing away

“We haven’t got much choice, no one else seems to want to give us a ride.” Sky reminded her so they both got in trying not to breath in.

The truck stopped in the outer suburbs of the city and the driver opened up the back of the truck

“End of the line girls.” he told them

“Oh thank god.” they said as they got out

“Wait where are we?” Si asked him

“Pimsburg, I’m not going any further, there’s a bus stop over there.” he said pointing " but good luck you girls look and smell like crap, I wouldn’t want to be on a bus with you”

“Oh well that’s just great then isn’t it the only reason we smell is because of your rotten fruit and vegetables.”

“Not my fault you two look like a dogs breakfast.” he said as he walked away from them.

“Hey.” again Si had to cover Sky’s mouth shut before she said too much

“Come on Sky lets just get out of here aye?’

They walked over to the bus stop and checked for when the next bus would be.

“Ten minutes OK cool, the bus should only take fifteen minutes to get us to the city.” Si told Sky

As they sat down on the seat two people who were sitting there quickly got up and walked away.

“Oh are we that bad?” Sky asked Si

“Probs are but who cares lets just get this job over and done with.”

The bus pulled up, three people got on and as they were getting on the bus driver told them to stop.

“No way are you two getting on my bus, get back off.” he told them

“But we need to get some evidence into the police station.” Sky started to tell him.

“Don’t care if your off to save the world, you are not getting on my bus.”

Th girls got back off of hte bus.

“Looks like we walk.” Si suggested to Sky.

Without much choice the girls started walking. While they were walking Si tried contacting the detective who was in charge of the investigation of the murder of the mayors wife. She couldn’t get a hold of him, they just wanted to get them to wait till they arrived with the evidence they had found.

“What are we going to do Sky, its going to take us forever to get there, for all we know they could already be off arresting Victor.”

“Yeah I know, we have had such bad luck with this case. Ill ring Winny, hopefully shes not busy and can come get us” Sky replied

“Oh yes, and ask her to bring some clean clothes, deodorants and a big pack of cleansing wipes.” Si suggested

They kept walking in the direction of the city and kept a look out for Sky’s cousin Winny to pick them up. A few minutes later she arrived. But, much to Sis disappointment she did not have any of the things she had requested.

They finally arrived at the police station. They all got out and headed for the entry. Everyone that walked passed them would dry reach, trying not to vomit. Some of the comments they were hearing was rather concerning but more so to Si as she was already embarrassed in case the detective she had a crush on would be in there.

“I cant go it, I cant go in, listen to what those people are saying about us, we smell like we’ve just crawled out of a pig sty.”

“Don’t worry Si, once detective cutie sees the evidence we have and sees us break their case, all he will see is the amazing two case crackers who had been right all along.”

“Or he will just see two crazy stinky cracker jacks.” Sky’s cousin said laughing at them

“Oh so not helpful Winny.”

“I’m going to take the stairs while you two stinky’s take the elevator.”

Sky and Si got on the elevator and two people were about to get on with them, but as soon as they got on they got back off again, not wanting to be near nor stuck in an enclosed space with them.

“Are we seriously that bad?” Si asked Sky

“I think we are.” Sky replied

They got off the elevator and started walking to the head detective of the case, detective Sims, desk.

“Holy shit, what the hell is that?” one cop said

“Oh my god who bursted the sewer pipes?” another asked

Sky and Si just carried on to the desk with their heads down hoping no one would recognize them. Then they heard laughing.

“Well if it isn’t the two famous Pi’s, not famous for their work but for smelling like crap” laughed another voice

“And definatly not famous for the cat walk but maybe the pig walk.” another voice said

As they approached the desk, detective Sim was sitting there stareing at them.

“You better have some damn good reason to be showing up here smelling like that.” he told them

“What the hell have you two been up to?” detective Ford asked them

“Blowing your case wide open is what.” Si said as she puled the plastic bag containing the murder weapon out of her hand bag.

“You see this boys? this is your murder weapon and this belongs to the mayor.” Sky informed them

“Oh are you two still on about that, Victor sure wasted his money on hiring you two didn’t he.” detective Sim said

“Face the fact girls, your client is guilty and you two aint getting a pay day.” Ford told them

From behind them come another voice

“We need to hear them out, see what they have for us.” It was detective Ross. aka detective cutie.

Si froze, she wanted to look at him but didn’t want him to see her face, so she just stayed still.

“Come on lets go into one of the interrogation rooms and you can explain.” he suggested

“Oi this is our case Ross, you don’t get to interfere.” Ford said to him

“What, you boys scared these girls might show you up?” Ross replied

“More like stink us out.” Sim said looking disgusted

The girls went with the three detectives into an interrogation room and explained to them that the knife they had found matched the type used to murder the mayors wife, it was covered in blood and they had found it stashed at the mayors vineyard. They told them to run DNA and fingerprints before rushing to charge their client Victor for the murder.

With the compelling evidence that was put before them the detectives had no choice but to run with their theory and get the knife assessed by forensics. A DNA sample was sent off and they ran a print through the system and come back within minutes.

“Well looks like you two were right, the fingerprint is a match to the mayor.” detective Ross informed them all

“That doesnt mean anything the knife could have been used after hunting to bleed out a dear or something.” detective Sim tried to explain away for it not to be the mayor who murdered his wife

“He hasnt been hunting Sim and yuo know it, he gave us his timeline of the last two weeks and not once was hunting mentioned.” Sky reminded them.

Si stayed quiet and barely moved, she was feeling extemely shy with the state they were in.

“Face chumps, these girls are right, looks like you boys get to go and arrest our mayor, if you dont I will.”

Just then their captain called out. “Sim, Ford you boys are off the case, Ross go arrest the mayor.”

Ross went and arrested the mayor. By the time he got back to the station some results were in and the mayor was charged with murdering his wife.

“Great job girls, you really busted this case.” Ross said to them

“Thank you, I’m so glad Victor rang us cause with those bozos Sim and Ford on the case, our town would’ve still been going on with a murderer for a mayor.” Sky said extending her hand to shake Ross’s

“Ahh pass.” he said declining shaking the hand of a filthy stinky girl.

“I hope to work with you girls more in the future, and maybe shake hands then aye.” he laughed

“Thank you Ross, till next time.” Sky said giving him a salute

“Aka Shaka a boo boo.” Si suddenly stopped talking realizing she wasn’t speaking English or any other normal language. So she tried again to say good bye to Ross. “Good morning hello.” she said then turned around and walked away before she could say anything else as she was so embarrassed.

“Si, what the hell was that?” Sky and Winny asked her laughing their heads off.

“Oh my god, Ohhh my goooood please tell me that did not just happen.” Si replied, mean while the other two will still laughing at them.

“Lets go celebrate.” Sky suggested

“Pass I aint going anywhere else with you too.” Winny said as she walked off in a different direction to them.

THE END

July 09, 2022 02:16

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2 comments

Betty Gilgoff
15:03 Jul 16, 2022

A good use of the prompt. I enjoyed reading your story Angelia but was a little distracted by the need for a bit more editing. I get a good sense of the two young women as beginning PI's, their somewhat bumbling efforts to close the case, their eagerness to arrive back at the station with the evidence, and their youthfulness and/or lack of experience. All fun and a bit comic. I enjoyed reading it.

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Angelia Grey
21:52 Jul 16, 2022

Hi yes My appologies for that. Im new to writting and with eagerness and excitment I sent it off without proofreading first. Yes they are youthful and lack experience, im starting on a new young adult series of the 2 young clumsy girls becoming PI's. Thank you for reading.

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