The Gift

Charleston House

Morningside

Surrey SU10 9SB

My Dearest Jason

Thank you ever so much for your novel anniversary gift. And the gold ribbon was such a clever touch for our Fiftieth. Everyone at the party had a comment. Even your father who said it was so typical of you. He and I are debating where to keep it. I want the drawing room, but your father is insisting on the garage. Watch this space!

Sorry you could not make the party but totally understandable. It was good to hear that the doctor in Zurich was so positive about your recovery. You are much too young to have contracted such a rare infection but all’s well that ends well as I always say.

I’m glad we could help with the expenses. It must have been an awful bore traveling to Switzerland during the height of ski season. As you pointed out, the school holidays crowd must have made the trip hell for you, poor dear.

Now that your travels are over, please stay in touch more often and do come down to see us.

Much love

Mummy

Cranberry Cottage

Dorset DU2 1FG

Dear Marjorie

Thank you for the most marvelous party. John and I enjoyed ourselves enormously. 

Pity Jason couldn’t be there, but I think you might say he was well-represented. Quite an uproar towards the end. Do hope the chandelier can be repaired. 

You must come and visit us in the Spring. I’ll write. Love to David. Tony says hi.

Love and kisses

Bette

Humphrey Mansions

Marylebone MD3 1QR

Hello Marjorie

Thank you for your kind note. Sorry I didn’t write sooner but with Bob in the hospital I was a bit distracted for a while. 

Not to worry about the medical expenses. Bob’s corporate policy covers just about everything. 

To look on the lighter side now that he’s back home and recovering, the report we had to file for the medical insurance claim makes for rather amusing reading. 

What did Jason say when you told him? Pity he wasn’t there.

Anyway, a belated thanks for the party. Will keep in touch.

Regards

Sarah

Brightstar Catering

The Causeway

Farnham

Dear Mrs. Smith-Turner

Thank you very much for your prompt payment of our recent invoice. I regret I had to add the cost of equipment replacement as part of the bill. As you know, it was included in the terms and conditions in the original agreement.

My apologies for the hysterics on the part of one of our junior staff. Deborah is new and not as experienced as the others who have learned to handle most contingencies. Although I might add, that this was a new one on us.

Please do not hesitate to call on us if you have any further catering needs

Thank you

Yours sincerely

Roger Michael Powers

Director

Dear Mrs. Smith-Turner

Thank you for the wonderful flowers and the cheque.

I do apologise for throwing a wobbly and am truly sorry if I caused any problems. Mr. Powers has been very understanding and assures me I may return to the job once I am recovered.

Thank you again

Most sincerely

Deborah Tubbs

Charleston House

Morningside

Surrey SU10 9SB

Jason Darling

Thank you for such a sweet note. 

Of course, I understand why you missed Sunday lunch. Your father was quite keen to speak with you but I explained that you had a relapse and could barely talk much less pick up the telephone. Don’t worry, I’ll smooth things over.

Much Love

Mummy

Fritter Lodge

Barnes TR12 1GG

Dearest Mummy

Thank you oh so much for the cheque. I cannot get these medications on the NHS – Cheap s---ts! Sorry.

I promise I’ll try to get down and see you both soon. I have an exciting new venture I want to tell you all about.

Mmmmm big kiss

Jay Jay

Charleston House

Morningside

Surrey SU10 9SB

Dear Philip

Thank you for the invitation. It could not have come at a better time. The Purdy has just come back from its annual maintenance check and I’ve been tempted to use it here. But that’s a story for another time.

If it’s convenient may I arrive a day before the shoot.? I need to pick that legal brain of yours before the rest of the gang arrive. Let me know.

Looking forward to seeing you . . .and some birds, of course.

Best

David

Dearest Jason

Thank you for the flowers

No, I am not angry with you. Perhaps just a bit disappointed.  Your father was being horrid but as I always taught you, two wrongs don’t make a right. You should not have called him a cheap B.

No, I don’t think your gift was ridiculous, nor your proposed new venture in shoe leather recycling which sounds exciting. Although your father did raise a valid point in saying that Guadeloupe didn’t seem the most reasonable market to start with. And for me, I would hate to see you move so far away. I know – silly Mommy. You’re a man now.

Anyway, old sourpuss is off on a shooting jaunt with his chums and should come back in a much better mood. Don’t you worry, I’ll go to work on him as soon as he returns. In the meantime, here’s a little something to help with the Jag’s repair. I know you are trying to save every penny for your exciting new project so just look upon this as a loan. 

Oh, I just remembered, that horrid Alice rang again. Even ruder this time. She said the number you gave me to give her was disconnected.  Let me know what I should do if she rings again.

Please call.

Much love

Mummy

Dear Mrs. Smith-Turner

Thank you for the wonderful reference. 

I have been very happy working for you and Mr. Smith-Turner for these past ten years and do apologize for leaving you in the lurch. 

Ernie and I have decided it is finally time to take that holiday in Spain we have put off for so many years and the doctor has said that all I need is some peace and relaxation to get back to my old self. When we get back, I think a change will do me some good so I will be looking for work in the village.

I would like to wish you and Mr. Smith-Turner the best of luck.

Sincerely

Mable

Lamb Farm

Surrey SU10 7CK

Dear Bette

Thank you so very much for the wonderful weekend by the sea. Jonas and I have always loved Dorset and your retirement cottage is so beyond words. 

When you and Paul can tear yourselves away from ‘paradise’ let us plan a return visit here. Perhaps in the Autumn.

I have attached a clipping from our local paper. I know you will be interested. Poor Marjorie.

All the best

Abby

PROTESTERS PICKET

SURREY ESTATE

More than a dozen activists have camped outside the gates of the home of Marjorie and David Smith-Turner in Morningside Village protesting the shooting of a pet chimpanzee, a recent anniversary gift from their son Jason.

According to early reports David Smith-Turner had just returned from a pheasant shooting trip in Yorkshire to find Jo-Jo ‘running amok’ in the sitting room.

It seems that Mrs. Smith-Turner had switched on the television as a usual morning routine to keep the five-stone chimp quiet.

A family friend who did not wish to be identified said that in the past, the television had calmed the chimp who had taken to chewing on the family’s Chippendale furniture.  ‘Unfortunately, the programme playing was one of the Planet of the Apes series. Apparently, it gave the animal the wrong idea.’

In the official police statement pertaining to the event, Mr. Smith-Turner is quoted as saying, ‘It was damn fortunate I had my shotgun slung over my shoulder. I managed to slip two cartridges in before he made a charge. It was either him or me so I gave the little blighter both barrels.’

Jason Smith-Turner who resides in London could not be reached for comment. The police are still investigating.