Death of the Voyager

July 10th

We’ve finally gotten the go ahead. I’m pretty sure Dr. Sterling is the one financing the trip. The crew is pumped. I never thought we would get this far. What is it, 6 crews that have gone missing at this point? I could have sworn the university would throw in the towel after losing Ginny. She ran this place. I mean sure, having the Dean as her father didn’t hurt, but even I have to admit she was the best man for the job. And to think that they’re banking on me now. God, we’re so fucked. It’s gonna be fine. Everything is fine.

July 18th

We are so fucked! Why the hell would they send us to the Northern Land right as winter hits! I can’t believe it. Dr. Sterling said we are to set out early October. I just sat there like a fucking idiot. What’s he playing at? Every mission this university has financed embarked early spring and even then some of them went missing. I’m trying to think if there was something I did that set him off. His daughter and I weren’t exactly friends but it’s not like sending me and the team to our death makes any sense. Not to mention they’re putting a pretty penny into this trip. He’s not in a place to be in charge of the expedition. He just lost his daughter for God’s sake. Oh my God, I wonder if he thinks she’s still out there. Is this actually a rescue mission? No, Dr. Sterling’s not like that. He’s too grounded in the facts to think his daughter survived. Right? Ok, I’m just going to schedule another appointment with him this week and sort this out. He’s not an idiot. He knows what these missions are. Just a quick field study. Exploring the unexplored. Gathering a few articles from the area and heading back. He just needs a little voice of reason. 

July 19th

I think I kept a straight face today. The crew looks nervous but they’re still running through the checklists. I haven’t told anyone I’m meeting with Dr. Sterling on Wednesday. Once I convince him to change the date the crew will relax I’m sure. This is the dream job we’ve all been working for. I mean why else would anyone apply to NovaTech? We are the frontier. We are the hope of expansion. Every student that gets accepted into this university hopes to be the one to settle the Northern Land. It’s why we’re here.

July 21st

I’ve misjudged him. Maybe he’s not as level headed as I thought. Losing Ginny has sent him over the edge. I’ve never seen him yell like that. How could I put him on such a pedestal? Fuck it. He wants us to die then so be it. I’ve worked too damn hard to walk away from this. My whole life has been leading up to this moment. All the late nights. The financial risks. I’ve even sacrificed any semblance of a social life or life partner to get here, to earn my spot as voyager to the Northern Land. Not to mention this is what man does, we venture into the unknown. We are explorers. He wants to sacrifice us to the elements then so be it. I’m not throwing away my life's work just because he’s lost his God damn mind. There is nothing else here for me. I’ve sacrificed it all for this opportunity to captain this crew. This is no longer just a field study. Northport or die.

October 4th

Here goes nothing. I’ve got my alarm set. Bags are packed. We set sail bright and early. Everyone is spending this last night with their families. I’m honored to have such a dedicated crew. I can’t even count how many hate emails I’ve deleted from worried mothers and grandparents. Thank God I’m not tied to that baggage myself. What is wrong with these older generations? Don’t they have any hopes of settling the North? Are they truly content living out the rest of their quiet lives in captivity. Don’t they see this land is a prison with an expiration date? As it is we’ve already outgrown this habitat. If we don’t establish settlements in the Northern Land soon, these “loving families” will turn into feral monsters fighting for resources. I’m glad I don’t have to live with the shame of seeing my parents age into complacency. They understood our dire circumstance and they sacrificed their lives to find a future for our people. I am proud to offer myself as a sacrifice to that same hope. 

October 23rd

We’ve made it past Newland and the waters are already getting icy. Dr. Sterling might be an asshole but at least he outfitted the ship with ice rovers. I don’t doubt we’ll have to abandon ship and continue the journey that way. I’m actually a bit hopeful for it. This whole sea faring thing doesn’t agree with me. As far as the crew knows, I was born to be at sea. I can do this. This is what I am meant for. We are finding the Northern Land. 

November 10th

Anchored ship off the coast of Blundry. Rovers pulled out and on the ice now. Looks like if we’re ever coming back it’ll have to be when the winter ices allow travel by rover again. North Port or die.

November 25th

Well, we’ve officially traveled further North than any documented voyage in history. There is no turning back now. I can’t believe my eyes will be the first to taste these new lands. I wonder if the crew understands how sacred this journey is now. We are officially voyagers. We are charting uncharted territory. Maybe they do understand. The crisp air up here seems to have bewitched us all. There is not much conversation happening. To be honest I think we are all in disbelief. I know I never thought we would get this far. Maybe we will survive this after all. Maybe it’s not just survival in our futures. Maybe we will actually be the ones to establish North Port. 

December 15th

This makes no sense. It was a perfect circle. What could possible make such a perfect structure in nature? It looked manmade. The silence of wonder has shifted into a silence of fear. Florance says there is not documentation of such structures anywhere in the database. She said she’s never heard of such a thing. There’s a perfectly good explanation here, we’ve just got to find it. There is no life this far north. They wouldn’t survive without shipments from the south. Florance seems dumbfounded. She says nothing could make those marks other than human hands. She says there is evidence of tool work too. Thats just not possible. She has tasked her team to hypothesize possible causes but honestly I don’t see any good coming from it, seeing as she doesn’t seem that convinced herself. 

February 5th

We found an arrow head? On the ice. It was supposed to be a quick thermal scan and we found an arrow head. This makes no sense. 

April 2nd

The ice is starting to thin. I can hear it creaking under our weight. I should have told Sterling to go fuck himself. I’ve brought us all to our death over some false hope of finding the Northern Land. Every one of us is going to die, and it’s my damn fault. How could I be so emotional? How could I stake all our lives on some stupid idea, a stupid myth that our ancestors whispered about a Northern Land? These people have families and they will never see them again. 

April 7th

How could there be blood on the ice? It looks like something had been gutted. There was a short trail but no footprints. No destination. Just a random splotch of blood and then nothing. I’ve restricted any further ice studies from here on out. 

April 25th

Roger reported movement. The whole scout team is up in arms. They are convinced it was human. I’m circulating the crew. I think they need some rest. Get their minds straight. 

May 1st

Land! We’ve hit land! Our forefathers were right. There is a Northern Land. We’ve made it the the Northern Land. We might not die after all. The crew is elated. I can’t believe it. I, Jordan Erris Gale, am the voyager who settled the Northern Land. No one has come this far! How could I be the one to complete the voyage? I’m a nobody. I can’t believe it. I’m so proud of the crew. Roger is still on edge, but he’ll come around. We’ve made it. We are the new frontier.

May 3rd

I’m not sure what to do. I’ve even considered utilizing the holding cell. Roger has a crazed look in his eyes. He’s gone mad. He was talking about “the little people”, whatever the hell that means. He’s having hallucinations. I don’t want to feed into it but the crew is having fun torturing him. They have been cracking up and poking fun at Roger like its some silly little game. I really wish they wouldn’t encourage his hallucinations like this. It’s like they are all going along with it. I can’t afford to lose a crew member to insanity. We are already short on hands as it is. First thing tomorrow I am going to separate Roger and get him some quiet time to relax.

May 4th

Roger has gone missing.

May 16th

Something’s wrong. How could this be? What is happening to my crew?

July 16th

We’ve lost 15 people. Where the hell are these people disappearing to? There is nowhere to go. There is no trace. No footprints. No notes. My crew is evaporating below my very nose and there is nothing I can do about it. The ice has all melted now. We can’t head back until winter comes again. Where the hell are they going? At this rate we won’t be able to make the voyage back. Maybe I’m not the first to make it to the Northern Land. I wonder if I should send out a search party. What if there are remnants from past voyages? This place is a death trap. How do I get word to the university? They will just continue sacrificing our people to this empty venture. Maybe those 6 crews before us made it this far too. They just disappeared before ever coming back. We’re sitting ducks here. 

August 3rd

I thought I saw mom outside my captain quarters window today. It looked just like her. Or what she would look like with an added 15 years. She was trying to say something. She looked worried. I must be going mad. I can’t let the crew see me like this. They are barely keeping it together as is. I’ve damn near locked myself in this room. They can’t know I’m having hallucinations now too. I am the leader here. What type of captain loses their mind like this? I feel so deceived by my body. Why would my brain be tricking me like this? I know better. But I saw her so clearly. She was there. I swear it. Had the window been opened I could have touched her. I need to keep it together. Why did I do this? What am I doing here?

August 6th

I heard it as I was waking up. “Leave! They are coming.” It sounded like a woman’s voice. Honestly it sounded like mom. I thought it was what woke me up, but maybe it was just part of my dream. There was this little green man cutting off my hands. He was the size of a child but had the proportions of a full grown man. The way he was moving was disconcerting too. Like a lizard, moving fast while at the same time staying as still as a statue. I wish his teeth weren’t so sharp.

September 15th

The little man was at the window again. He wants me to come with him.

Friday

Mom is here. She doesn’t like to talk anymore. She just lays there. Nowhere for me to sleep now because she sleeps in my bed all day and night. She left her hands on my bookshelf though. Those don’t seem to be bleeding anymore, but her arms where the little people made the cut have turned my sheets red. The little man says she wanted to be in charge of her hands again so it had to be this way. I hope I don’t disappoint him like mom did.  

Wednesday 

The little man said mom was getting too old anyway. She needed a replacement. Plus her hands don’t work anymore. He said I would be perfect for the job.

October

It is time to move on. The Southern people have nothing more to offer. The little people seem to know this. They say exploration is for the dim witted. Dr. Sterling if you find this, I hope you learn how pathetic your endeavors really are. Ginny knew that. Thats why she chose the little people over you. I’m ready to give up my hands to them now. I don’t have to explore anymore. The little people will tell me what to do. It’s so much easier this way. Goodbye Southern Land. Goodbye mom. I refuse to make the same mistake you all have made in your quest to pilot your own hands.