Much Too Soon

Submitted into Contest #44 in response to: Write a story that starts with a life-changing event.... view prompt

40 comments

Creative Nonfiction Drama Romance


Though we walk and stare at the moon,

While the crickets and toads start to croon,

I think it much to soon,

To say something like

I love you. 

Though we’ve been here for ages,

And of our story we’ve flipped the pages,

I’d bet all my wages,

That you’d say something like

I love you.

We’ve walked and talked 

And giggled and smiled

Talked of the names we could name a child

If the night went too long

And we found ourselves

High, like 

High upon the shelves

Of the chapels called the mountains

Of the churches called the sky

And the preacher that was the sunset

Would look us in the eye

And ask will you stay

Together till you die?

And I’d say yes

You’d nod your head

Because we both know

There are still lifetimes ahead

Stories to be read

Things to be said

So I lay down my head

And together we tread

Into the future

Still

Just a dream

We’re thinking 

We’re playing

But we make a good team. 

As we walk through the park.

Though you now stare at me,

The words in your heart rattling free,

I know you want me to see,

That you would love to say something like

I love you.

And I do see.

I see we are young, and here in the park,

I see we are here, all alone in the dark.

I see your eyes, how they glimmer and shine,

I see we are us, and I see you are mine.

You see that I know,

And now you want to show,

That you’d like to say that you love me.

It’s there in your heart,

The words on your lips.

My stomach does turns,

My stomach does flips.

And now my soul burns.

I feel fire in my bones,

I feel it from my head…

To my fingertips. 

I look to your eyes

Man, there is no disguise

Because I feel the ground rearranging

And things soon will be changing

Ain’t this love a strange thing? 

You drop to the ground 

You give you me your hand

You hand me the ring 

And I ask you to stand

Not for me to reprimand

Cause you should understand

That I’ve been waiting for this 

But 

Then.

I hear something else. 

A car.

Blaring lights

Swerving tires

The sound of shouts

The chaos of fires

I turn too soon 

You scream too loud

And I look.

Man, I look

But there is nothing.

I cannot feel my heartbeat and

All is blackness,

Madness,

Sadness,

Please miss

Death of kiss

There’s still things on my bucket list 

But now behind my eyes and in my head there are

Stars?

Stars.

Stars.

Stars.

Stars. 

Stars.

Stars? 

So many glittering stars

And I’m moving up.

Up and up and up and up and up and up and up and up and I stop and where are you?

Have you flown away?

Where is the sun?

Where is the day?

Where is the night?

Well, what can I say cause

The car on the road took all that away.

Now there is glass in my hands,

Glass in my feet,

The fire in my bones,

Has now turned to sleet.

The warmth in my chest

Is freezing at best 

Is this a quiz

Some kind of cruel test?

I hear you here.

I know you’re near…

I feel your presence through the fear

I know you call my name so clear

I know you’re saying, “Come back, dear,” 

But my eyes won’t open.

What are you saying?

I haven’t awoken.

Don’t let me go.

I’m trapped in the glass and the sirens and ash.

I didn’t see the car,

But I felt the crash.

You said to move,

You said to run,

You said to jump,

I think I’m done.

I can’t breathe.

I can’t see.

I can’t talk and I can’t see.

Where are my eyes that they have forgotten

All that they mean all that they’ve taught and 

My heart is shaking

My lips are numb

Don’t want it to be true

But my time has come. 

Is that you holding my hands now?

I don’t know how.

I can’t see but I can feel that you’re in the room.

Where is this room?

Will it be my tomb?

Does my end closely loom?

With shadows and gloom?

Like a car with no zoom?

Oh. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

Oh.

Cars. 

Cars brought me here

But will a hearse take my body away

Will I live to see tomorrow’s today

Who knows what the doctors could say 

But 

Now

Now I’m wondering why,

It was me that had to die.

I had things I wanted to try.

But now you all will cry and cry and cry and cry.

And home I will fly

To the spirit in the sky

On this day that I die

In the bed I will lie

From my body your hands they will have to pry

But

Do you know why?

What has thrown me into this bunk?

The driver,

The driver,

The driver was drunk.

He’d been to a party

Out with those friends

He didn’t want a ride home

So my story ends?

That depends. 

The smell of his breath 

Tainted the light of my life

The glaze of his eyes

Cuts through like a knife

Now I know this is the last time

I will see you

I know this is goodbye

I wish it weren’t true.

You know I had things to do,

Plans for two

Maybe three

But drunk driving has made the fee

To cross the bridge you must pay the toll

To see the king

You wave to the troll

The wires on my body spin out like a scroll

We wanted the diamonds but we got the coal. 

Goodbye, goodbye.

On soft wings I fly 

Away to the light

Breaking our night in pieces

Hey, promise you’ll pick up the pieces

I’d hate for the glass of the picture we drew

To cut like swords into the after story of you

Don’t let the memories come undone like glue

No matter how this night ends

Remember the way

The moonlight hit our hands

Reflected off the silver box

And remember our talks

Put my picture in a frame

Say my name

Say my name

Never forget to remember 

But things can never be the same.

So goodbye, goodbye

I love you and goodbye

But much too soon. 




(Author’s Note: Hope you liked my poem. Hope it made you think. Don’t drink and drive, obviously. What do you think of my poetry? I know this one is pretty different from my last poem, if you haven't read that it's about Kung Fu Panda, but I think they have similar rhythms. So please like if you enjoyed or at the very least appreciated this story in verse and comment with feedback. I want you all to be safe! Check out my bio and all the authors in my library because they're fantastic and I think you should. If you aren't an author in my library or I'm not following you, let me know and I'll check your stories out! Also! I'm trying to work on part twos for Ander's New Cable Knit Sweater and I think Sarang... if you'd like to read those let me know that too. Sorry for another long author's note, the word limits really mess me up because on Word it says I have enough words and then I submit here and I'm short two hundred. Crazy! Have a beautiful Friday and weekend, don't drink and drive and be careful getting to where you need to go if you're leaving at all, which depending on where you live could be ill-advised.)




May 29, 2020 16:01

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40 comments

Emily Nghiem
22:38 Jun 06, 2020

This is a truly innovative use of poetry to tell a story and convey the mixed thoughts in a spiritual expression of love connection and loss transition. Very impressive! I have seen an artistic ad for wearing seatbelts, and could see your poetic narrative used in a shorter form or excerpt to create a VERY moving ad that makes the message personal where it really hits home. EX: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-8PBx7isoM Please consider producing this or hosting your own contest to make your own series! I'm sure either MADD or SADD would be ...

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Jubilee Forbess
23:02 Jun 06, 2020

Wow, thank you five thousand times over, Emily! I watched the ad and it was so well done. :) Much happier than most seatbelt ads! I couldn’t find your poem though. I appreciate your offer to collaborate so much! I’ll try to brainstorm more ideas for maybe incorporating into an ad or video... I hadn’t thought of it as anything but a poem. Check out my other poems if you liked this one, I just put a new one out today. 💕⭐️🌸

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17:04 Jun 06, 2020

At the start, all I could think about was: I hope this doesn't end. Then you -she- dies and I can feel the pain and agony the guy would feel. My sister died too and all I could think about then was how much I wanted to forget everything. Great poetry

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Jubilee Forbess
17:18 Jun 06, 2020

Thank you for your comment, Abigail. Poems are a good way to express hearts words but also when we read a poem that reminds us of something we went through that can be a whole different thing. 💕💕💕 sending many hugs to you today.

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17:40 Jun 06, 2020

Thank you, Mitza.😊

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L. M.
02:26 Jun 06, 2020

I think these would make good song lyrics!

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Jubilee Forbess
02:59 Jun 06, 2020

Me too, a lot of my poems sound like they would be pretty songs but I don't know how to write music. :(

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L. M.
01:33 Jun 07, 2020

Maybe you could team up with a musician. :)

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Jubilee Forbess
02:08 Jun 07, 2020

Maybe! I’ll let you know if I ever do. 🌸⭐️💕

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L. M.
03:08 Jun 07, 2020

Cool. :)

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Katy S.
11:54 Jun 03, 2020

Wow, this was very sad, but lovely. I am impressed at the way you managed to rhyme!

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Jubilee Forbess
14:03 Jun 03, 2020

Ha, me too! Thanks!

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Agnes Ajadi
05:06 Jun 03, 2020

Hey Rhondalise, it's Agnes. Your poem was beautifully described. I can't love it less!❤️

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Jubilee Forbess
14:03 Jun 03, 2020

Thank you, Agnes!

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Len Mooring
22:48 Jun 02, 2020

Where do you find the time, Rhondalise?

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Jubilee Forbess
23:06 Jun 02, 2020

Dimension seven time!

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Laiba M
18:18 May 30, 2020

This was so beautiful, I love how you made the words work together perfectly! Amazing, I know it's hard to express something through a poem sometimes so this was fabulous!!

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Jubilee Forbess
18:22 May 30, 2020

Thank you so much!

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Laiba M
19:03 May 30, 2020

You're welcome :) if you'd like I would happily recommend you to other readers on here!

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Jubilee Forbess
19:07 May 30, 2020

That would be wonderful! I’ll do the same for you.

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Laiba M
20:47 May 30, 2020

Thank you so much!!

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Jan Querubin
02:46 May 30, 2020

Another beautiful poem! Your words can cut through hearts, I swear. They're beautiful and on sync with how things fall into place. I love it.

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Jubilee Forbess
03:07 May 30, 2020

Thank you, Jan! I’m glad I got the words to work with me on this one. ⭐️🌸

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Anoushka Jain
19:15 May 29, 2020

Damn. That was heart-wrenchingly beautiful. I loved it.

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Jubilee Forbess
19:18 May 29, 2020

Thank you!

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𝔸. Triangle
20:18 May 29, 2020

Honestly, I couldn't have said it better myself.

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Jubilee Forbess
20:38 May 29, 2020

🌸⭐️thank you, I’m glad it sent the message I wanted it to

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𝔸. Triangle
21:17 May 29, 2020

Btw, I finished the story.... -A.

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Jubilee Forbess
22:57 May 29, 2020

I know! I just read it and commented.

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Daryl Gravesande
19:13 May 29, 2020

Wow, the imagery and description of love, heartbreak, acceptance were GREAT. I love the poem take on a story. It's different. It's fresh. It's new. I love it! A couple things, though. The stars thing was a little long, but that's okay. I didn't feel like it was too repetitive. Also, maybe punctuate it a little better. I was lost on some verses because of that. That's all. The overall story was great. No complaints here!

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Jubilee Forbess
19:17 May 29, 2020

For the stars, I was trying to add words for the word requirement; one of my other poems had two hundred words of CAKE, literally, it was four lines of the word cake over and over. Terrible. But! This poem was different than that. Stories in verse are fun for me and I like rhyming. :) About the punctuation... it could either be I missed some marks or that poetry grammar is different than other grammar. Thanks for the feedback though and I'll be sure to look over it. These prompts are going to be good!

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Daryl Gravesande
19:22 May 29, 2020

Ohhh.... I see why you did that now! Also, yeah, I have a good feeling about these prompts as well. I think I'm gonna go back to my own formula, though. I don't want to flop my stories. Quality over Quantity, remember?

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Jubilee Forbess
19:48 May 29, 2020

I do remember! I think it’s a solid formula. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

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Daryl Gravesande
19:52 May 29, 2020

Thanks! Yours is better though, A lot of people relate to your stories.

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𝔸. Triangle
16:39 May 29, 2020

Rhondalise, Anna here, your poem displayed great imagery and was beautifully descriptive. I did enjoy the epic plot twist, I rarely if ever will use them in my stories so it was nice to get a breather lol. Kidding, but your plot twist was way better than mine. Your friend, A.

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Jubilee Forbess
17:05 May 29, 2020

Thanks, Anna! It's a piece I wrote a while ago but added to for the contest. :)

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𝔸. Triangle
18:24 May 29, 2020

Well, you did a great job on it! Sincerely, A.

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August Jett
15:32 Jul 29, 2020

This is a truly amazing way of conveying an important lesson. It was heartbreaking and tragically beautiful. Amazing job!!

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Jubilee Forbess
15:34 Jul 29, 2020

Thank you so much for reading, Helen! I'm glad you appreciated it.

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