The Shades of Love

Gwen’s hands shook as she stood before her locker at school. With a sigh, she plopped her lavender backpack onto the tile floor beside her. Classmates walked by in a sea of indifference with only one jutting from the crowd to join her.

“Hey, Gwen! Did I miss it?” Renee’s big brown eyes glittered and her perky disposition told Gwen that she was just as excited as she was trying not to be.

“No, Renee. You haven’t missed it.” She smiled before she let out a breath through her pursed lips. Trying to get the nerve up to open the metal door.

“Can I watch?”

“I guess… I mean, what is the likelihood of it happening eight times in a row?”

“I’d say highly probable.” Her white teeth shown as she bounced on the balls of her feet. “He’s trying to get your attention.”

“Well, he has it, whoever he is. I’m afraid to open my locker now.”

“Oh, Gwen, you shouldn’t be afraid of happiness. He loves you.”

“Yeah, well, in my experience, happiness is short-lived… Sometimes, things are better off left alone.”

Renee shook her head and said, “Admit it, part of you wants another rose.”

“Another one? I already have seven… What’s he trying to prove?”

“Um… that he loves you,” Renee annunciated, “But he wants you to figure out who he is. He’s all sweet and mysterious but wants to know you care for him, too.” She sighed dreamily.

“Sounds like a headache,” Gwen said with a smile. “I mean, what’s so great about me anyway?”

“You’re a good person, Gwen, and a great friend. You’re always helping people, and usually, you don’t make time for yourself… Maybe this guy could-”

“What? Be the answer to all of my problems?” She dramatically put her arm over her forehead. “I don’t need to be rescued, Renee, but thanks for all the other stuff you said.”

“Yeah, sure. Now, will you please open the locker? The anticipation is killing me!”

“Fine,” Gwen agreed with a slight laugh.

“He’s just so sweet! Every day he gives you a different colored rose with a note attached to it by a ribbon. How’d it go again?” Renee touched her chest and expressed, “It’s so romantic!”

“Ugh! And now every day this week, he’s left a red rose in my locker.”

“Red means love and passion! Each note gets sweeter by the day.”

“Don’t remind me, but this guy has clearly lost his mind and become obsessed,” Gwen detested.

“Oh, Gwen! If it were me, I’d be ecstatic!”

“You already are!”

“Somebody has to be… I think you like it, but you’re afraid to let your guard down.”

“No, I don’t. I’m genuinely annoyed.”

“If you were annoyed, you’d have opened your locker without any thought because it wouldn’t have phased you.” Renee held a look of conviction as Gwen’s cheeks flushed.

“Whatever,” she said with a roll of her eyes and undid the lock on her locker. “Whoever he is, he knows my combination, which is borderline stalker-ish.”

“He said you two were friends… Have you shared your combination with anyone?”

“Just a couple of people…”

“Why don’t I have your combination?”

“For one, there’s never been a reason for you to have it, and two, I don’t want my locker bedazzled.”

Renee giggled at the thought. “Yeah, ok. Well, you at least have something to go from.”

“Yeah,” Gwen pulled open the metal door to behold yet another beautiful red rose. This time, however, there was no note attached but a small puzzle tin next to it.

“Aww! He’s-”

“Don’t say it.”

“Sweet! Come on, we have to get to homeroom so we can put it together.” Then, with a gasp, she realized, “What if it’s a picture of him? Then, the mystery would be over.”

“Good.” Gwen stuffed the tin into the front pocket of her backpack and carefully dropped her rose’s stem between her books in the bigger compartment, leaving only its beautiful head out of the zipper. As usual, the rose had a small vial of water attached to its end. Courtesy of her thoughtful but secret admirer, her flowers were in no danger of drying out.

She hated to admit that she did like this attention… It was nice that someone thought she was special, but who was this someone?

Over the last week and a half, she’d compiled a list of her guy friends, even down to acquaintances. One by one, she eliminated them with the mark of her pen. Frustrated, she gave up trying and just hoped this guy would too. However, his gift today said otherwise.

As she sat down in her seat behind Renee, Gwen took out the puzzle and dumped it on the desk. The background was unfortunately not a picture, but plain white with black lettering. The only piece that was different was the one outlined in black with the word ‘You’ written inside.

“Maybe it’s a code,” Renee hoped as she turned to help.

“Maybe.” Gwen hated how her heart pounded and her palms grew sweaty, thinking how great would it be if the guy wrote his name on the puzzle.

Piece by piece, the twelve individual portions became one. Gwen held the final one in her hand Renee read the new message aloud.

“If life were a puzzle, mine would be incomplete without…” She looked up for the final piece that Gwen held. Knowing what it said, Gwen felt her cheeks flush as she snapped it in place.

“You.”

“Aww!”

“Yep. That settles it, he’s obsessed.”

“Don’t tell me you aren’t touched at all. Your cheeks are telling on you.”

“I admit it’s… nice.”

“I’ll take that,” Renee decided, “But you have another clue with this one. It’s handwritten.”

“That’s true, it is.” Gwen studied it for a moment. “And it looks familiar.”

“Yeah?”

“But I’m not sure yet.”

“Well, as soon as you figure it out, I want to know!”

“Don’t worry. You’ll be the first one I tell.”

“Good. You know, Monday is Valentine's Day. I’ll bet he does something amazing!”

“Oh, gosh I forgot about that…”

“How sweet would it be if you start dating him on Valentine's?”

“Sickeningly,” Gwen said but smiled.

The teacher went to the front of the classroom to start their day, and Gwen pulled her notebook out. On the inside of the front cover, she had glued her secret admirer’s notes in the order she received them. It read like a sweet letter from beginning to end.

Pink rose- When we first met, I knew you’d be a great friend.

White rose- Then, I saw how pure you are and different from the rest.

Tea Rose- I was never so terrified in my life than when I realized I was falling for you.

Red Rose #1- There’s no doubt in my mind, it’s you. You’re the one I love.

Red Rose #2- Please never change. You’re already amazing.

Red Rose #3- My love for you grows with each passing day. I always think there’s no way I can love you more, but you prove me wrong.

Red Rose #4- You are my happy place. Nothing compares to being by your side.

She couldn’t help the warmth that crept into her chest. What had she done to receive this boy’s attention? Why wouldn’t he just say who he was? That was probably the most frustrating part, not knowing who was behind this.

A sigh escaped her as she sat in the chemistry lab later that afternoon. She glanced at the still-assembled puzzle she had carefully laid in her backpack pocket. She knew she had seen that handwriting before. Part of her wanted to recognize it… part of her wanted to throw it away and run.

Maybe Renee was right… Gwen was afraid of love, but when others had left unexpectedly, she learned it was better to leave it all alone. It was rare for anyone to stick around in her life; her dad left before she was born, and her mom left her with a foster family when she was just four. From there, stability was a fleeting thing. Love was abstract… People cared and were nice, but love her?

“You got a secret pet in that backpack or test answers?” her lab partner joked as he sat down beside her.

“Oh, hey Bryce,” she greeted and quickly zipped up the pocket she’d been staring into. “No, I was just… yeah.”

“You did your hair differently today.”

“Oh, you like it?”

“It looks nice.”

“Thanks.” She tucked a lock behind her ear.

“You’re welcome.” His charming smile was not lost on her, though her eyes retreated to the floor. “Oh, I started on our project… Now, I know you said you didn’t want to do the tooth decay one, but I found that we can use seashells instead of actual teeth. Does that change your mind?”

“Um… yea. What do we do with it, again?”

“We would leave one seashell in the water, and the other in soda for a few days and record what we find.”

“Yeah, that sounds great.”

“Awesome. I was thinking about going to the beach to pick out some real ones. Want to come?”

“Wouldn’t the ones from the store be good enough?”

“In theory… but what if they’re fake? I’d rather have something real so our experiment will work, know what I mean?”

Somehow in his eyes, she saw this wasn’t about seashells.

“Um… yeah.”

“So, will you go with me?”

“You want me to go with you… to the beach?”

“Well, yeah. It is our experiment. I can’t pull all the weight here,” he teased.

“But it’s just a couple of shells and it was your idea… I have plans this weekend.”

“Oh… I didn’t know.” He seemed disappointed. “I can get them, but can you bring the soda and the cups? That way it’ll be even.”

“Yeah, I can handle that.”

“Ok, great.” He settled in and got out his notebook and text from his backpack. When he turned to set the bag on the floor, Gwen found herself preoccupied with Bryce’s notebook, not so much as the context but how it was written.

Bryce returned to a forward-facing position as Gwen ducked to open the pocket on hers that contained the puzzle.

The handwriting matched…

Feelings of glee made her giddy for a few moments before the fear crept back in. Bryce was her mystery guy? How did he have her locker combination? Then, she remembered a few months ago when he had done the poster for their art class and was worried his locker mate would absentmindedly crush it with books. She had offered to let him keep it in hers and gave him the combination so he could get in it whenever he needed…

Looking over, she decided Bryce is… handsome and well-kept. He’s smart, but not arrogant about it or even too occupied with school. Their usual conversations revolved around weekend plans, TV shows… pretty much everything. They got along well… How could someone like him be interested in a girl like her?

Though she was also a clean person, she was usually tardy, clumsy, and barely passing classes. Her hair on its best days was an unruly gob of brown curls that hid her dark eyes and a small nose. Her attire usually consisted of anything she could pull on in time for the bus, and sometimes that meant she unintentionally wore her pajamas… How was it that Bryce could see something in her that she couldn’t see in herself?

Her heart sank a bit, thinking once he saw the real her with all her flaws, he wouldn’t love her. No, this had to stop, but how? Maybe rejecting his invitation to the beach was enough… Though she didn’t really have anything going on, she was afraid he’d get the wrong impression. Wait, what if the beach idea was a date?

She looked at him as he turned his notebook to a blank page and clicked open his pen. Had he been trying to get her attention for a long time? All those invitations to his afterschool activities or youth group were actually him trying to spend time with her?

The last eight days of school had been filled with wondering about a rose and what it could mean for her. Everything seemed different now as Gwen’s eyes drifted to the gorgeous blossom poking its head from her school bag. The sweet notes, they all came from him.

Feeling somehow inadequate, she slumped down in her seat, hoping the day would fly by so she could have the weekend to process this… or at least get away from it for a while. Her sigh was followed by his.

“What’s wrong?” she nervously asked.

“Nothing.” His smile had faded for some reason, and it bothered her.

“No, it isn’t nothing… You’re always smiling. Did something happen?”

“Oddly, no, and that’s the problem,” he admitted as the teacher came in to start the lesson.

Over the weekend, Gwen warred with her feelings of guilt. Was Bryce talking about her? Renee seemed to think so and insisted that Gwen call him to tell him she reconsidered going to the beach or even to tell him she figured out it was him placing roses in her locker. However, Gwen wasn’t sure she wanted to do anything. From his last comment, it seemed he was giving up, which was in her opinion, for the best. His agony over being ‘rejected’ again was finally giving him the real view of her, and though he was experiencing some pain, it was nowhere near the intensity it would be if she had reciprocated his love then broke his heart.

“Oh, Gwen,” Renee sighed into her phone, “You’re an amazing person. I wish you could see it, too. As your friend, I hope you decide to date Bryce, not for his sake but for yours. Maybe you haven’t noticed or tried to ignore it, but you like him, too. I, for one, am ready for you to be happy… Are you?”

She hung up without much more to say. Gwen just shook her head thinking it over. Of course she liked Bryce. Who didn’t? And because of this, she resolved not to hurt him.

Monday came, and though she watched other couples give and receive their gifts in the form of flowers, balloons, and candies, she couldn’t wait to see what was waiting for her in her locker. As before, Renee was there with her as she unlocked it and let out a slow breath in opening it.

She wasn’t sure what she expected… Ok, in all honesty, she expected a dozen roses and balloons shooting out at her as soon as she had the latch open, but that wasn’t what happened at all.

A singular blue rose lay on the shelf inside her locker with the saddest note she’d ever read attached to it.

It’s been an entire week and you either haven’t discovered who I am because you don’t see me that way or you have and you just don’t want to hurt my feelings. Either way, I respect your wishes. This is the last rose you will get from me, and this will never be brought up again. However, know that my love isn’t easily won or destroyed. My secret flame for you will live on…

“He gave up.” Renee couldn’t believe it. “Blue roses are for the unattainable…”

“No, he said even though I rejected him… he still loves me.”

“Yeah, but you don’t want him, so what’s the point?”

“But…”

“But… what?” Renee slightly smiled.

“I made a mistake.”

“Yes, you did.”

“I broke his heart,” Gwen could only stare at the hue of her rose and feel that it echoed the bruise on Bryce’s heart.

“Maybe you can still fix it.”

“Where is he?”

“Right now? Probably at his locker,” Renee guessed. Gwen looked down the hallway and even hastened to the long end of it, but didn’t find him there. Instead, she found him sitting at his desk in his homeroom when she turned to head back toward Renee. He caught her eye and the two shared a glance. Suddenly, Gwen knew what she had to do.

After crossing the threshold and setting her backpack on an adjacent desk, she pulled her notebook from the big pocket. Opening it, she bared her soul and slapped it onto the desk in front of him.

“What’s this?” he asked without reading it.

“Every note you’ve given me these past couple of weeks.” Her cheeks reddened as the truth came out. Watching his turn a shade of pink, she knew she was right.

“Why would you keep these?”

“It’s only the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me... I let you believe I wasn’t interested, but that was a lie. I realize... I’ve made a mistake.” She crossed her arms, looking for a hug to calm her beating heart.

“So… you do like me?”

“Yes,” she admitted but had to turn her gaze to the floor as a smile crossed her face.

“So, why would you want me to think that you didn’t?”

“It’s… complicated.”

“Explain.” He needed an answer, and he deserved one.

“I thought I was protecting you.”

“From what?” He chuckled.

“Heartbreak… But I see that I already did that.” She pulled the blue rose from her pack and laid it on the desk before him. “I’m sorry… I don’t deserve a second chance, but if you give me one, I promise to be genuine and work to get better at accepting your affection.”

His eyes warmed as a smile crossed his face, “Gwen, you’re already amazing to me.”