Hypocrisy

Because if I buy a lottery ticket, win the Publisher’s Clearance House, or win these contests, I can appeal and get the fuck out of this shit hole and have money to do so and decide what I do with my own money. Wouldn’t that be great?! Why would I want to be saved? Isn’t it great? No credit card bills, my rent’s paid, my health care is covered, what else could I want? As the trite phrase goes, “The grass is always greener”.

My cousins are all married, my friends are all married, and I’m not. My slave owner told me if I get married, I’d lose all these government benefits they worked hard to get me, but …

Let’s go back an aeon/eon to Burbank, California where my slave owner was working on making it big. She didn’t, but that isn’t my story, it’s hers. So, she got a letter in the mail from “AT&T” thanking her for switching to their phone company. This was in 1995, before cellphones were popular She called them up and said she never authorized them to switch her phone service. They told her if she went in a store and ate a candy bar off the shelf, she’d have to pay for it. She said, that’s right, if she decided to take a candy bar, that’d be her decision, but she didn’t decide to have her phone service switched. They said they could reduce the bill to have her bill be the same as the previous service she had. Bottom line, they 86ed the bill.

But, then, she told me if I didn’t sign the guardian papers, putting her in control, she’d throw out everything I own. What’s the definition of hypocrisy? So, this is something I don’t want, didn’t ask for, but I’d better want it or she’ll make me a warden of the state and still throw away everything I own. Fuck the USA. I no longer stand for the pledge of allegiance or there Star Spangled Banner. “Liberty and Justice for All,” except the disabled.

See, think about my mom’s dad. He had a girlfriend, my mom didn’t like. My mom liked his first girlfriend, but hated his second girlfriend. And my grandpa was going to move homes and my mom told my grandpa he should pay for a storage unit so she couldn’t use his stuff to control him. She’s a hypocrite: “Do as I say, not as I do.” She can’t be in a relationship she isn’t controlling. Bitch. That’s why God is going to send the PCH to MY door, MY home or MY numbers are going to be all the right numbers in the lotto. I’m going to be free of the shit hole I live in.

Think of what the chances of winning any of these is about one in 3,545,864; approximately. But there’s the other parable; the story within the story within. Like two mirrors facing each other for e be ternity. Eight sideways.

But, here’s part of the story within . So, there’s a man praying to God, “Please God, let me win the lotto. Please God, let me win the lotto”. Then, one day the man hears a voice; “Buy a lotto ticket. You can’t win the lotto unless you buy a lotto ticket.” But I buy lottery tickets all the time and enter all the contests, but I haven’t won yet. Think of me like the damsel in distress, except I’m a man. The knight or knightress in shining armor is the man or woman from the lotto or PCH comes. That’s the rescue I need. Or maybe the IRS will audit me.

But, there’s the parable about the man in the home with the man who keeps asking God to save me and God says, “I sent you a man, a boat, and a helicopter. What else did you want?” That’s the point. But I don’t know what else I need to do to live the American Dream. God is Dog spelled backwards.

But, what do I need to do? I could appeal but then I’d be hungry, homeless, no health insurance, and that isn’t what I want either. I know they’re coming; Lotto and PCH. Or maybe I could get on a game show A new one before they know what they’re doing. Then, I could be a billionaire.

The thing is, all my dreams are gone. There’s nothing else to pray for There’s no hope. The only way that can happen is if I get lots of money. And I can’t earn money or I’ll lose the fucking benefits. Think about share cropping or slavery. That’s the America I live in. Kill the Congressmen, kill the Congresswomen, kill the President and free us slaves. The 13th amendment doesn’t apply to me, along with the first amendment, the second amendment. Hell, none of the constitution apply to the disabled. I could kill myself and will, but I can’t own a gun, because that isn’t safe, I can’t own bleach or pill bottles, or anything. Kill myself anyway. “There are a thousand ways to wash dishes”

But, someday is gone. Someday I’ll get married and have kids. No, I won’t. I’ll die slowly. Euthanize me. Quit wasting government money on bullshit. Oh, wait. That’s the US government’s speciality. My dog is smarter than they are.

He’s dying too. So, when are they coming? When’s the money coming? Which one will work? Will any of these work or am I just duping myself?

What if it doesn’t. Maybe I’m wasting my time. Maybe I’ve attempted before or maybe I haven’t. If I killed myself, who would care? I can’t get married, can’t sign a contract, drive a car, no one’ll remember me. Nobody loves me; not even my mom. Eat fried worms, right? Can’t get published, can’t be in movies. No one gives a fuck about me except the morons getting paid to push papers. Assholes.

I’m a hypocrite. I learned from the best.