Bright & Burning Wrinkles

Her apartment was rather tidy for someone who had spent the day celebrating their 30th birthday, even if the party hadn’t been at her place. The only evidence that a birthday had been celebrated at all was a new stack of books (twelve to be exact) next to a pile of crumpled wrapping paper and empty birthday card envelopes. The birthday cards were sticking out the top of the books as bookmarks, revealing glimpses of glitter and bright pops of color. 

Jenna was sitting in a large armchair, curled in a blanket with her cat Snowdrop in her lap, holding book number thirteen in her hands and staring at a picture inside the card. It was a picture of her with her sister, Jasmine, from when she was thirteen. They were in her childhood room, sticking their tongues out, as she held up a camera to the mirror to capture the moment. On the mirror was a message written in red lipstick that read, “Warning: Reflections in this mirror may be distorted by socially constructed ideas of beauty.” It was an idea she remembered finding on Pinterest and her teenage self had desperately needed the reminder. Perhaps her current self too. 

It had been a good birthday. Jenna had nothing to complain about. Jasmine had done a wonderful job throwing her party, surprising her with the theme, which was 13 going on 30. Though, both Jasmine and Jenna thought the movie to be garbage, Jasmine had done a great job using the title as a concept for the party, which Jasmine had excitedly explained was a “funeral to her youth.” Thirteen of her closest girlfriends and family members were invited (granted, there were more family then friends) and everyone wore black in accordance to the latest Tiktok trend. For the major reader and writer Jenna was, Jasmine had orchestrated each guest to get an old photo with both them and the birthday girl during her youth, place it inside a book they thought Jenna would enjoy, along with a card explaining their choice. It was insanely sweet. 

Otherwise, Jenna had a blast doing all her favorite “youthful” things. She sang her heart out to karaoke hits from the 90’sand 2000’s. She had devoured a smorgasbord of her favorite foods including baked mac ‘n’ cheese and sesame chicken. Jenna laughed herself silly to the FRIENDS inspired Jeopardy game Jasmine had created to see who knew her the best. She enjoyed simply catching up with her friends and family during a chill Lisa Frank coloring book contest for a pack a silly bands, while also half watching The Lizzie McGuire Movie. Jenna had even felt rather striking in the black body con dress and heavy eyeliner she wore. And yet…

As Jenna sat in her armchair staring at her thirteen year old self, she felt her heart ache. It was saddening to see the love and light of the image against the warning in the mirror, even if it was a positive reminder. Rather it felt like just another reminder of all the things wrong in her life. Wrong with her. Here she was, thirty years old, and what did she have to show for it? 

Jenna closed the book and ran a hand over the cover as she read the title, Through The Looking Glass. When she opened the book and card again. she reread the last line her sister wrote; “Have a happy Unbirthday! And may the White Queen bless you with a very bright future.” That’s what Jenna had wished for when she blew out her candles earlier that day. She sincerely hoped it came as she heard the clock chime in the distance. 

Jenna woke with a start and an urgent need to pee but she was not willing to give up the comfort of her bed. She was feeling rather heavy both emotionally and physically. Wait, bed? Hadn’t she slept in her chair?

Jenna opened her eyes and didn’t know where she was. She was in a room but it wasn’t her room. It was dark but light came into the room from a doorway and in front of her was another doorway to a bathroom. But Jenna’s eyes had landed on her protruding stomach, clearly pregnant. 

“Oh my God!” She yelled as she sat up, understanding the heaviness she was feeling. 

“Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God!!!” 

Jenna didn’t know what to do. She pulled off the covers and ran to the bathroom, flipping the switch at the door, and looking at herself in the mirror. She was herself but older, and obviously pregnant. 

“Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God! Oh-my-God!!!” She panic whispered, as she realized she was unsure of where she was and if anyone was near. She moved closer to the mirror and poked her face, moving her skin about. She noticed more lines on her face as well as some gray hairs along the root of her scalp. As she stepped back from the mirror she noticed someone staring back at her and jolted. It was another reflection of herself in the mirror, still in the black body con dress but older as Jenna was now. It walked towards her own reflection until they merged into one. 

“You’re 40 now,” the reflection of Jenna said with a smirk. 

“What?!” Jenna exclaimed. 

“This is your bright future. Your wish.” 

“But where am I?” Jenna asked, unable to gauge what question to ask first. 

Jenna’s future rang to her left, towards the bathroom door, and she looked down to find Snowdrop, her collar jingling. When Jenna looked back at the mirror the smirk on her face was gone. Snowdrop hopped onto the bathroom sink and Jenna instinctually gave her some pets before deciding to brave the house. 

Jenna realized she wore an engagement ring and wedding band. When she found a nursery, she was shocked to see it also had a toddler bed. So she had two kids? Which meant she had somehow fallen in love (hopefully), got engaged, married, and was about to have her second kid?! Within ten years?! 

Jenna tried to calculate the probability of it all until she found a note on the kitchen counter. It read, “I didn’t want to wake you up. Date night tonight @8. Got a sitter. Love, Hubs.” No name. Either that or she was stupid enough to marry someone named Hubs. 

She went back to the bathroom to find her reflection but found herself deciding to take a shower instead. As she hopped in, the warm water easing her back, she heard a voice. 

“Honey?!”

Jenna froze unsure what to do. She didn’t want to meet her husband naked. Though, obviously, he had seen her naked before. 

“Yeah?” Jenna responded tentatively.

“I had to come come back because I forgot Chuckie’s lunchbox,” Chuckie. Like, from Rugrats? There was no way she named any child of hers Chuckie. Her Hubs continued, “I already dropped him at daycare. I’m late, babe. Wear something sexy for tonight!!!” Hubs yelled to her from far away and she heard a door shut. He should’ve kissed me goodbye, she thought despite her terror, and as she thought it she turned liquid and went down the shower drain.

Jenna woke up with a gasp as she felt something touch her feet. She was in the same house as before and, upon looking down, was no longer pregnant. But at the bottom of the bed were two lumps giggling as they tried to tickle her feet. Her heart continued its terrified beating as she realized who the lumps were. When she moved her feet away from the tickles, two heads popped out from under the covers and she understood why they nicknamed him Chuckie. 

Jenna’s heart ached at the sight of her son and daughter smiling up at her. Chuckie had thick auburn curls that fell to his ears. Both children had something familiar and unfamiliar about them. Chuckie was easily a teen and her daughter looked somewhere around ten years old. 

“Happy Birthdaaay!” They half sang, half whispered. And Jenna smiled at them despite her panic. She loved them. She loved them and did not know them. 

“Chuckie,” Jenna found herself saying beyond her control and leaned forward to touch a ringlet. He smiled at her as she caressed his cheek. When she turned towards her daughter, she hopped onto the bed and gave her mother a kiss on the cheek. 

Though Jenna did not want to, she found herself getting up and walking to the bathroom. She smiled at her kids. She smiled at them sitting at the foot of the bed as she closed the bathroom door to face herself. 

“Happy 50th.” Reflection Jenna smirked, still in the black body con dress. She bore more gray hairs and lines in her face and had more weight around her hips than she remembered. As she leaned towards her smirking face to get a better look she slid down the sink’s drain. 

It was dark and cold when Jenna woke, and she was not home. Well, not in her new home anyway. She was in a ramshackle cabin that was quaint and eerie. She threw the quilt off of herself as she took in the one room cabin. She saw snow outside her window and a lively fire blazing in the old fashion fire place. 

“What’s this?” Jenna asked the room.

“A cottage you rented for your 6oth birthday,” her smirking reflection said from the mirror over the fireplace. Still in the black body con dress. She looked even older. 

“Where’s my husband?” Jenna asked again. When her reflection did not reply, her heart gasped at the truth. She staggered towards the fire place to catch herself on the mantle but instead fell into the flames. No, Jenna thought to herself, causing the fire to burn brighter. 

She was already awake and sitting in bed at home, her old-new-home, holding a book with her name on it. Her name. She had written the book. She kept trying to look up to read the title but couldn’t. Every time she tried, her name burned brighter instead. It hurt her eyes and she squinted away from the light as the bathroom door opened. Sitting at the entrance was a black cat. 

“Kitty, kitty, kitty,” Jenna called to the cat. 

“Pspspsps,” she encouraged and patted the bed. The bed moved closer to the cat and upon blinking she sat in a swivel chair in front of the bathroom mirror stroking the black cat. 

“Happy 70th,” her reflection stood in the mirror smirking down at Jenna. She found herself smirking back but didn’t know why as she thought, I look older than ever before. 

“Will you never learn?” Her reflection asked as Jenna’s chair swiveled around towards the toilet, the cat screeching out of her lap. She dived head first and her reflection flushed. 

Jenna squeezed out the shower head, soaking wet and tiny. As she ran from the giant rain droplets pelting at her, she steadily grew in size until she began to enjoy the water easing her back again. I don’t have time to shower, she thought and opened the shower curtain. Jenna stepped over the edge of the tub and air blew from below completely drying her body and hair. She stepped into a white body con dress, facing the mirror. 

“Happy 80th,” Her reflection offered, still in the black body con dress but not smirking. Her reflection was leaning against the right border of the mirror. Jenna turned her head to look at herself. The reflection responded by walking towards her, arms crossed. They faced each other. 

“Well, any thoughts?” Her reflection offered. Jenna looked at herself up and down and then met her own eyes. As she did so, she felt pulled towards them, catching a spark. Now Jenna smirked. Her reflection smirked back, uncrossing her arms, the mirror turned white. 

“About time,” Her reflection teased, standing in front of the white expanse. The reflection grabbed a part of the expanse behind her, opening a door towards bright light.

“You have a choice,” Her reflection informed as she offered her passage and Jenna understood. There was no more life left to live. She had lived through her future. Now all that was left was brightness. 

It had not been bad, Jenna thought. It had been pretty good.

The bathroom lost form and morphed into a black expanse as she was left facing the white expanse of her reflection. Jenna decided and held out her hand to her reflection. They would go together, as one could not exist without the other. They faced the brightness as they crossed through the door.

There was banging on the front door of her apartment. Jenna woke up startled in her arm chair as she heard Jasmine yell through her front door, “Open up, I brought cake!” Jenna bolted to the door. 

“You’re still in your party dress?!” Jasmine exclaimed, once the door opened, as she shoved passed Jenna to place a half eaten cake on the bistro table in the kitchen. 

Jenna struggled to find reality as she replied, “I fell asleep reading.” 

“Of course you did,” Jasmine chuckled, as she got plates, forks, a knife, and then sat at the table. “You forgot to get your cake from the fridge before you left so I took the liberty of delivering it to you. I couldn’t let you start off your second day of being thirty on the wrong foot, now could I?” Jasmine was about to cut the cake as Jenna laughed, until she was struck with an idea. 

“Wait!” Jenna instructed, taking the knife away from her sister. She placed it on the table again as she went to the junk drawer in her kitchen and, after rummaging for some time, found a single birthday candle and a lighter. Jasmine rolled her eyes once she realized what Jenna was doing. She sat down after lighting the candle and faced her sister. Jenna thought of her dream, and her wish transformed. 

“To the silly mirror selfies of our youth that remind us to live in the now, as we are,” Jenna prayed. 

“Already spitting wisdom on second day of being 30?” Jasmine smiled but did not role her eyes.

Jenna blew out the candles and left her dream behind as she ate a slice of cake with her sister. It was the best slice of cake she ever had. Even better than yesterday’s. Afterwards, Jasmine pulled her into the bathroom and they took the most ridiculous, tongues out, mirror selfies ever. Jenna laughed and laughed with her sister as she once again realized, she was still wearing the black body con dress.