I'm Jake. I'm the first man to ever visit the sun. I just got back from my 2 month vacation. I wanted to go somewhere where no one goes. I know it's kind of crazy to go that exotic and risk my life for a measly trip to the sun. but i found a way to get to the sun and back with no burns. you may not believe me but my oh my the wildlife on the sun is just so beautiful. The trees were taller than giraffes and I know because there were these tall, handsome giraffes. these great big elephants, monkeys, and flamingo's. There was every animal you could imagine. It’s unbelievable. When i got there i was scared to leave the rocketship because you always get told that visiting the sun is impossible. I got there and taking that first step onto the sun was exhilarating. I never knew that there would be gardens and forests. There were animals running wild, but all loved each other as if they were the same species and that got me thinking that must mean they all grew up together. I was walking around and taking in the fresh air that surrounded me. I turned a corner, next thing i knew i was standing up and picking up the fresh vegetables and putting them in a basket. I looked into the eyes of this beautiful young woman and I was shook. There were more humans living on the sun. I thought it was impossible for them to exist here full time but it wasn't. It was silent till finally...
“Hi I’m Jake. I introduced myself after the long break of silence.
“Hello Jake, Im Emma”
I put my hand up to shake hers and she walks away. I followed kind of shouting asking where she was going and who she was.
“Quiet down. If you want to find out just walk back to the kitchen with me” she snaps at me.
I got up next to her and started walking. I know this is still all so crazy to believe but it was so crazy to go through too. Emma was nice and so sweet, she's the same age as I am, 20 years old. When we got to the kitchen she introduced me to her mom. Her mom responded as sweet as Emma would have,
“Hi Jake, I’m Emma's mom, You can stay in the guest house while you’re here. Do you know how long you'll be with us?”
“I'll be here for 2 months, I never thought that this trip would be possible, how do you guys live? How do the crops survive? Why do you guys live here? Is it only you guys?” I could go on and on with all of the questions I had for them. I'm 20 years old and I took a trip to the Sun.
“Woahhh Jake slow down” Emma said as she chuckled.
“Sorry I’m just so excited to be here and to talk to you guys, Humans that live on the sun!”
“We have lived here for centuries. Your spaceship withstands the heat, once you get past the heat, there's no problem with surviving.” Emma’s Mom explained.
“It's not just me and my mom, we live exactly like humans, we have a huge city and town, the Sun is just like the earth except just outside of our atmosphere instead of not being able to breathe, you burn to death.” Emma said with a more pinched and evil tone.
“Wow, so good thing my spaceship got through the heat.”
I did think Emma was kind of cute. She had the most perfect smile and the most amazing sparkle in her eyes. But I knew I couldn't do anything though because I had just met her and it was my first day on the sun. Next thing i knew i saw a guy walking over, he looked about the same age as Emma's mom so i figured it was Emma's dad.
“Hello sir, Im Jake”
“Don't even think about talking to my daughter!” he says sternly
“Don't listen to him Jake, he's not as scary as he's making it seem, he's just a big puppy dog.” Emma's mom explains
“I'm sorry ma'am, i didn't catch your guys names” I said to them
“Im Alisha, And this is my husband Dilan”
“Well now that i'm finished getting the veggies for dinner, i will take you on a tour around the city.” Emma told me.
“That sounds good”
We walked out of the kitchen and took a walk around the city, it was dark out so now the city was lighting up and looked gorgeous. She took me to this one park where it had lights in the trees, and it had a community garden. We walked back to the town house to have dinner with her family and the tables were filled with people and the tops were filled with food. Every morning, I got up early at 7 in the morning and I would go for a walk with Emma. I went for runs in the afternoon before dinner with her. We went to the movies, we went to so many different places together, we did as much as we could before I left in 2 months. It was nearing the end of my vacation, I didn't want to leave, I mean who would. Waking up to the birds chirping, and the beautiful sunrises. Emma was here, I got so close to everyone on the sun. Emma's parents made sure that my last week was the best. We went apple picking, we went and picked anything that was ready to harvest. We went shopping in the city. We watched movies under the stars, we laughed, and most importantly we were happy. It was my last day and I was getting ready in the morning to pack up and leave. I saw Emma's parents walk in through the mirror that faced the door.
“Jake, we wanted to catch you before Emma comes to get you for breakfast. We have all grown so fond to you. Especially Emma” Alisha says
“I like you guys too” I responded
“Well we wanted to invite you to stay and live on the sun. Emma loves you and I have never seen her so happy until you've spent the last 2 months here with her” Dilan says
“Oh my gosh, Yes!” I told them excitedly.
“I'll leave today and come back in a week. May I take Emma to earth while I get everything sorted down there?”
“If emma wants to go with then yes” Alisha replies
“Alright I'm going to go tell her the exciting news” I told them as I ran off to find emma.
“EMMA! EMMA!”
“What? What? What is it?” she told me
“Come with me to earth for the week. I have to go and get my stuff so i can move to be with you.”
“Wait really? Do my parents know!?” she sounded excited
“Yes they invited me to live here and i asked if i could bring you just to get my stuff situated and they said yes.” i told her
The rest is pretty explanatory. Emma and I boarded my ship and flew back to earth. A week later we got back on my ship and flew to the sun and we lived the rest of our days on the sun.
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2 comments
Hi Jocelyn, the story is good but in some bits, it feels like you are in a hurry to tell what happens next. It would have been nice to have a "deeper" description of characters. Also, pay attention to typos. I'm not a native speaker and that is the input I always receive from English-speaking colleagues. =) An interesting way to think about the prompt though. It would be nice to learn more.
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Hi Jocelyn, I enjoyed reading your story, it had a nice plot, but it was very rushed. It would have been a bit more intriguing if there was a little more detail. There were also a couple of grammatical errors, but that's something that can be learned with time. I think that if you were to rewrite this, maybe focus a bit more on making the connections deeper and more intricate. But the story has great potential! :)
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