Red Identity

This was always on our bucket list.

“Tokyo for our 30th birthday”

Except I have to go alone because it’s been five years since I’d last seen you. Five years since the paramedics pronounced you dead, when it should have been me. After all, I was the one driving that night. I was the one who made you go out when all you wanted to do was stay home, snuggled up with a book. But I just didn’t want to go to the party alone. You made things less scary for me. You were the outgoing one, while I was always the awkward one who could barely keep a conversation. But that night Oliver would be there and I wanted him to notice me. He would always flirt with me across our cubicles, but I never dared to say much. My cheeks would flush and all I could seem to get out was a smile. 

Now I’m planning our wedding, a wedding where you should be my maid of honor. I owed it to you. I owed it to us. One last sister trip before the big day. 

Thankfully Oliver has always been understanding about us. He was the one who encouraged me to go. Even though I almost canceled this trip because I have never traveled anywhere without you and most definitely not outside of the country. 

“Aubrey would have wanted this babe and I know you’ll regret it if you don’t go.”

So here I am, on my way to Tokyo with your ashes by my side. My hands shake as I hold the armrests tightly on either side as the turbulence picks up. You’d be telling me right now to take deep breaths while holding my hands in yours. You were always the brave one.

“Flight attendants prepare for landing.”

Your urn begins shaking as I press it between my legs, using one hand to hold it, while the other remains on the arm rest. For a second, I can almost hear your voice reminding me we're almost there. 

After we finally landed, I asked the taxi driver to take me straight to the Tokyo Tower since I can’t check in for another few hours. You always said how cool it would be to say you went to the “eiffel tower” in a city that wasn’t Paris. That rebel inside of you I always loved.

People moved around the tower mostly in pairs or in groups. One group of school children all dressed in the same color of blue were in a single file. The teacher spoke loudly over them, trying to get their attention. 

At a distance a girl walks alone around the tower to take pictures of it at every angle. 

Her hair is a striking red, almost the same color as parts of the tower. As she moves her phone to take a selfie, I notice her side profile looks very familiar. The way her cheeks scrunch up as she smiles with her whole face, reminds me a lot of yours. She then asks a young man passing by if he could take her picture. She begins to throw up her index and middle finger, forming a peace sign. While she winks with left eye and cups the peace sign next to her cheek. 

I find myself laughing as it reminds me of how you used to pose for pictures. After the girl thanks the man, she begins to walk in my direction while looking down at her phone. I step out of the way as she is about to brush her shoulders with mine. For a moment she looks up to say sorry in Japanese. 

“Aubrey?” I say, gasping as my eyes meet hers. 

She shakes her head and continues walking past me.

“Sorry, no English.” 

Something tells me to continue to pursue her.

I then apologize in the little Japanese you taught me, and say how she looks like you!

She then turns around and looks me in the eye, her eyes starting to water. She mumbles something in Japanese that I don’t understand. 

“You okay?” I say. She nods her head and asks me in broken English. “Picture?” Then gestures for my phone, as if to say she can take a picture of me.

As her right hand reaches for my phone, I notice it. The birthmark on her right wrist. The same one I have on my leg. The same one my mother had on her cheek.

“It is you!”

She looks up at me, and begins hyperventilating. Then, before I could say more, she takes off, my phone still in her hands.

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I begin to chase her. People all around the tower stare at us. Of course they would, I’m running with a urn in my hand, with a suitcase in the other, after a girl who looks just like me.

“Aubrey, please wait!” I yell as loud as I can while trying not to run into any of the school children in front of me.

She then drops my phone on the grass and continues to speed off. I quickly bend over to grab it, already breathless as I notice it is open to the note tab section of my phone.

It reads: “Don’t follow me, or they’ll follow you too.”

___________________________________________

After making it to my hotel, I walk up to the front desk to check in. My legs feel like they're going to give out. How is she still alive? Why didn’t she tell me? Whose ashes am I holding? Is she in trouble? Whose they?”

I play the scenario over and over in my head. Trying to put all the pieces together. 

But I saw her die. This just doesn’t make any sense! 11:43PM, that’s what the paramedic said. The number that has been ingrained in my head all these years.

Why couldn’t she just tell me it was her? What if I had just let her go? Would she have just let me keep believing she’s dead?

While entering room 304A, I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I lay the urn by the night stand quickly and leave my suitcase by the bed. 

It was an unknown number.

“Hello?”

“Julie, it’s me. I need your help. Meet me in the lobby in 10 minutes.”

Before I can get a word in, she hangs up.