Nightmare of Reality

 The hanging incandescent bulb above him flickered. Once again, he awoke - his neck stiff from his head hanging heavy on his breast. His wrists chafed behind him, and he tasted blood in his dry mouth. His stomach ached, and his hands shook with hunger. 

As if the creature could sense him stirring, the stench of the Ballakk filled Tolun’s nostrils. He heard the slithering gimped gait of his captor coming towards him, and his body trembled with a mixture of hatred and terror. 

“Gooood morrrrnnning,” a thick, deep voice rumbled. “Haaave you resssssted?” A disgusting, venomous laugh followed, and smoking, acidic spit splattered across Tolun’s cheek. 

Tolun silently gasped in pain as his cheek blistered. He refused to allow the monster more power over him than it already held. Still, his strength was waning, and he could feel himself becoming overwhelmed. 

“It issss tiiiiiime,” the creature said. “You knooow it isss tiiiiime.” He spoke slowly as if forming words was difficult for his hideous, misshapen mouth. His voice sounded like he had gargled with rocks and his breath smelled of rotten meat.

‘No,’ Tolun said in his mind, ‘No, I will not submit.’ Sweat began trickling afresh down the sides of his forehead and over the crusted dirt and blood on his cheeks. 

As if sensing the growing fear in Tolun, the beast laughed again. A loud and terrible sound filled the dank room, and sizzling saliva rained down on Tolun burning tiny holes in his shirt and branding pinhead-sized red pocks on his chest. The monster slid one of his filthy snakelike appendages around Tolun’s ankle, just loosely enough to be felt. 

‘NO,’ the voice in Tolun’s head was trembling now. 

“Yooouuu willl brrreak,” 

The Ballakk grew closer to Tolun. His massive, hairless head was inches away from his captive’s face. Tolun could feel the heat radiating from the Ballakk’s neck, now faintly glowing in the dark as it bulged to prepare to strike. 

‘No. NO. NOO!!’ The terror was echoing around in Tolun’s mind and he felt himself losing control. ‘NOO! I… will… not… sub…,’ 

Instant and furious pain coursed through Tolun’s leg and rapidly seeped through his body as the beast tightened his grip on Tolun’s ankle. As if tiny thorns of flame were injected into his bloodstream, excruciating pain ripped through him. Every muscle in Tolun’s body was taught - bursting with agony. 

“No,” Tolun whispered aloud. All his strength, with incredible magnitude, was focused on fighting the pain and terror trying to overtake him. With one last shred of boldness, he looked towards the Ballakk’s eyes. 

“You thhhink you are ssstrong,” The creature menacingly held another Palpus near Tolun’s neck. “Allll mankind thhink they arrre ssstrong.” The Ballakk’s face twisted in frustration. “But you are alllll sssooo sssmalll. Sssoo weeeak!” 

The Ballakk’s gruesome face was now contorted in rage. Tolan saw the light glowing in the Ballack’s fierce eyes and watched as molten sweat beaded from the monster’s swelling neck, fell, and hissed on the damp floor. He could feel the growing heat emanating from the massive body beside him and trembled. He felt the panic rising in his throat - but he gazed on defiantly at the beast’s face. 

The Ballakk roared furiously, and his voice began to rise with every word. “You will crumble! Man will crumble. Your disgusting little race will be forever forgotten! I have waited long enough! I will destroy you! YOU WILL SUBMIT!”

“No! NO!” Tolun screamed aloud as the great smoke-heaving monster engulfed him in a tangle of snakelike limbs. Screams of agony ricocheted off the walls and pain seared through Tolun’s body. His skin was covered with the skin of the creature. Every nerve ending burned with pain. The hot searing agony exploded through his being. As the chair he was tied to toppled to the ground with the weight of the man, the monster, and the pain.

#

“NO!” 

Tolun was still crying out when he tumbled off his bed. The skin still burned on his face where the monster of his dreams had spit on him. He struggled violently to untangle the sheet from around his legs. As he sat in his boxers with his knees to his chest on the cold floor of his bedroom, he tried to calm his rapid breathing as the panic slowly wore off. 

When he could no longer hear the blood rushing in his ears he dared to open his eyes and look around. 

The moon was still out and a gentle light flowed through the curtain onto the dark wood floor and across the quilt on his bed. The red glowing numbers on his desk told him it was 3:36 AM. 

To shaken to go back to sleep, Tolun made his way to the bathroom and turned on the shower water. 

He saw a flash of his reflection as he walked my the mirror and stopped short. 

The place on his cheek where the monster had spat on him, the place where he told him self the sensation was imagined, was red and swollen. 

He gingerly touched it and shuddered. It was warm to his touch and tender. 

‘I must have hit my face on the way down,’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s just a coincidence.’ He looked away from his reflection, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that his check was shiny and blistering like a burn. 

He turned the shower nozzle to cold

#

“There are no monsters, there are no aliens and there are no Ballakks,” his therapist said barely above a whisper. 

“There is no reason to worry.” 

Tolun stared at the faux animal hide on the floor covering the thin woven industrial carpet and didn’t reply. He supposed the counselor’s breathy voice was meant to be soothing. He supposed the animal hide and animal mounts were supposed to be a burlesque addition to the office to relate to male clients. But the combination of the office and its tiny tweed-suited occupant had the impression that Dr. Corante sheepishly stalked around and mouth breathed his prey to death.

“They haven’t been sighted in centuries,” he breathed. “There are only legends left of those creatures.” 

“I know, I know” Tolun nodded as he stared absentmindedly out the office window onto the buildings below. He had long given up hope of these sessions actually helping him, but for some reason he he kept forking over the $150 and showing up. So here he was in the eclectic office of Dr. Corante, answering questions the satisfy the curiosity of the good doctor.

“When did you hear about the Ballakk?” Dr. Corante asked. “Did someone read you a story when you were a child? How did you know about them?” 

“I just knew in the dream.” Tolun replied without looking at the doctor. “I didn’t know they actually ever existed until you told me.” 

“Perhaps you heard a story when you were very small,” Corante said.

“Yea maybe,” Tolun replied distractedly.

After a pause the doctor timidly broke the silence. “You said your dream progressed further than it usually does?” 

“Yea.” 

“Explain that,” the throaty voice suggested.

“I don’t know, it just did,” Tolun said without really listening. His eyes were on the street below bustling with people. He wondered if any of them had dreams like him. 

“He has never killed me before.”

“How do you know he killed you?” The boldness in Corante’s voice was unusual and caught Tolun’s attention.

“I guess he might not have killed me, but he overtook me, he jumped and attacked me and then it all went black. He kept saying: ‘You will submit, you will submit!’”

“What did he want you to submit to?” The uncharacteristic boldness in his voice surprised Tolun and he looked up at the doctor. 

“I am not sure,” Tolun paused and mulled it over in his mind. “I think it wanted me to submit to its cause, or come to its side.” He paused again, closing his eyes to focus on the memory of the dream. 

“I think it wanted me to become… to become like it, like him. 

“Alright I see that you are fatigued,” Dr. Corante said resuming his breathy voice, “we can continue next time.” He shut his notes and stood up abruptly. Tolun stared at him a moment, then exited the office.

#

Tolun looked out the train windows half dazed, blind to the scenes whizzing before his eyes. He belatedly remembered the questions Dr. Corante had asked him. Why did he know the name of the Ballakk? Why had his dream been longer and shown something new? Why had the doctor acted so strangely? 

When he had first started having the dreams, he had asked his friends and family about Ballakks and they had never heard of them. He had thought this creature was a pure invention of his imagination until doc had showed him a book with descriptions and pictures of the legend of a monster. How had he known in such accurately detail about the Ballakk? Why in his nightmare last night did the monster attack him? Why did it feel so real? He absently touched the mar on his cheek and it burned. 

#

As Tolun walked in the doors of his office, he felt something was not right. He felt unsettled and off balance. He made his way to the break room and flipped the coffee maker on. His cheek began to burn and sting enough to make him wince. 

‘I will not submit.’ The thoughts bounded through his mind before he could stop them. 

What was wrong with him. ‘I must not have gotten enough sleep,’ he thought. ‘Just grab som coffee and get to work.’ 

He stood waiting for the machine to percolate and took a cheap disposable cup from the dispenser on the counter. 

He couldn’t help notice his hands were trembling.

“Hey man.” Tolun jumped as a voice behind him sounded. 

“Hey,” he replied. He could hear the subtle quiver in his own voice.

“You OK?” The fellow employee asked. His face said that he was afraid of catching whatever Tolun had. 

“Yea, fine.”

The man grabbed a ream of paper and left without sayin more.

Tolun heard his footsteps walking away. He was suddenly aware that he could hear the footsteps of the all the other employees as well. Like an symphony of offbeat percussion. He heard them stomping and sliding and stepping on the thin carpet. He could also hear the coffee dripping. The printers whirring. The telephones ringing. The engines in the elevators humming. People talking. People breathing. People blinking. People…

“SUBMIT!” 

The cacophony of overwhelming sound exploded into silence as the voice boomed behind him. Tolun spun around disoriented and frightened. His arm slid and bumped the mug, coffee maker, and carafe onto the floor in a deafening crash. He looked toward the voice with wild eyes.

A team manager stared at Tolun with confused disapproval. “Are you good?”

Tolun merely nodded. “What… Um, what did you say?” He asked, breathless. 

“… Stubbins…” the manager replied. “I called Stubbins over.” 

Tolun didn’t respond and bent down to retrieve the pieces of the broken glass. 

The manager and his team left glancing at Tolun with curiosity and distaste. 

#

The next few hours were uneventful. Tolun made calls, checked emails, performed his usual duties. He had nearly convinced himself he had been a victim of low blood sugar when the swat team burst in. 

“Everyone remain calm,” the military clad men with guns barked at them. 

Over the frightened cries of the employees, words that froze Tolun’s blood screeched out of the megaphone. 

“Tolun Grier! You are under arrest! Come quietly and no one get’s hurt! We want to help you!” 

Helpless bewilderment threatened to overtake Tolun. ‘What was going on!?’ His mind raced with fear and confusion. He felt his cheek burn and his whole body felt hot. Pushing the overwhelming emotions coursing through his veins, ‘I will not submit’ filled his mind and he willed himself to kneel with his hands behind his head and waited for the impact of the bulletproof soldiers. 

#

In the interrogation room at ‘a secure facility’ Tolun almost felt relieved at the silence and dullness in the grey painted cement walled room. His heart rate had slowed, but his face was burning stronger than ever. 

The door creaked open and an incredibly massive officer came in with a bully stick and several firearms strapped to him. Behind him a slight tweed suited man followed.  

“Corante!” Tolun shouted, “what is going on? Why are you here?” He stared at the two men so incredibly different in size and breathed heavily. He could his heart rate rising again and he could feel the fire spreading across his cheek and onto his forehand and into his hairline. ‘I will not. I will not sub…’ 

“We are here to help you Tolun,” he breathed. “I am the one who alerted the authorities.”

Tolun was bewildered. “Why?” 

Dr. Corante stepped forward and opened the book he had once shown Tolun. “You see Tolun,” he said, “The monster you dream about, the Ballakk.” He paused and looked at Tolun. “They were once very real. They were extinguished in the early 18th century, but legend has told of the way these beasts survive. When a Ballakk strikes, his blood mingles with the blood of his victim. The Ballakk usually kills his victim and takes strength from him. But if he chooses an especially strong victim he can allow the strength of the victim to overtake himself and a part of the molten life lives on in the man, and the Ballakk dies. In this way a piece of the Ballakk can live on.” He paused to take a breath. 

“Why would the Ballakk do something like that?” Tolun asked. “Why do you even know that? You are insane.”

“It is true,” said the doctor, “I think a part of you knows that.” 

Tolun sat silently and Dr. Corante continued, his voice throaty and breathless. 

“When the Ballakk chooses to sacrifice himself, his blood lies dormant, sometimes for century’s, for hundreds of generations, until an equally strong human is born and grows into a being who can survive the Ballakk’s new birth.” 

Tolun stared at them with his brows drawn together and moth ajar. “You expect me to believe that? What does it have to do with me anyway?” Even as he asked the question he felt his blood coursing like fire through his veins. 

Dr. Corante and the officer stared back at him. A mixture of excited curiosity and sympathy was in the doctor’s eyes. The guard stood at ready with an emotionless expression. 

“You hold the power of the Ballakk within you,” the tiny man whispered. “And I have the power to help you.”

“Tell me.”

The tiny doctor sat down across from Tolun. “I have been studying and researching ancient creatures all my career. All my life!” Excitement was growing in his beady eyes. “I have studied the Ballakk and have traced his bloodline for 30 years. You are the great descendent of a man once attacked by a Ballakk. You are exhibiting the symptoms Told of by legend. You will be the next fire birther. 

“Then what do you want me to do?” Tolun asked. He felt as if his burning heart had fallen into his shoes. Fear, frustration, pain, they were trying to overcome him. Anger was growing alongside these other emotions. 

“I want to use this power.” Corante looked at him wildly, his loud breath echoing in the silent room. “With my knowledge and your power we can use the strength of the Ballakk.”

“How would we do that?” Tolun asked. He feared it was to late to control the beast within him. “What will happen? What will happen to me?” 

’ will not submi…’

Not a hint of compassion registered in the doctor’s eyes, but he breathed out smooth words of comfort. “We will do our best to keep you safe.” He purred. “Your sacrifice may be an inevitable outcome, but think of the implications for the future of the world.” 

Sweat was dripping off Tolun now. He could’ve sworn that hear had started to hear it hiss. Unbearable heat was flowing through him. Each word the doctor spoke was like a cheese grater against his skull. All his nerve endings were burning with taught energy. His entire being was anticipating something, but all of him was also resisting. 

‘I will not submit.’

“Think of the outcome, think of the benefits.” The words of the doctor were muted and faded into the background of Tolun’s consciousness. 

“What if I refuse?” Tolun panted, his body trembling. 

“Oh that is not an option” The doctor replied.

The enormous bulletproof vested officer took a tiny trepidations step backward. 

‘ Not an option? I am not a science experiment. They cannot hold me here!’

‘No,’ Tolun said in his mind, ‘No, I will not submit.’ Hot sweat trickled afresh down the sides of his forehead over the burning skin of his face.

’NO,’ the voice in Tolun’s head was trembling now. 

Too many voices, too many feelings were burning through him. 

‘I am not a captive!’

‘I want to go home!’

‘No!’

‘I will not submit!’

Tolun could almost hear the venomous voice of his dreams laughing at him. “You are weak!” 

“No!” He shouted aloud, “I will not SUBMIT!! I WILL NOT SUB…”

All went black as the weight of the world, the men and the pain engulfed Tolun and he… 

…submitted. 

Tolun came-to on the floor of his apartment bathroom. He sat with his knees to his chest eyes closed. His skin burned and he turned the shower water on. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 

He looked away from his reflection, but he couldn’t ignore the fact that his skin was shiny and blistering with burns. 

He turned the shower nozzle to cold.