Real life circle

I worked hard for this exam. All my efforts thrown into the trash. Again.

“Adeola, let’s go,” Mariah said, tapping me.

She stands and backs her little flower bag. Lizzy does the same. Through the iron windows, I could see the gloomy clouds spreading, the icy breeze winding and carrying with it dust. How they could ditch their blazers uniforms to a tank top in this chilly wind is beyond me.

“I’m not leaving till it rained.”

“No, we should go now so the rain won’t keep us here,” Lizzy said, enunciating each word. “And it would probably not rain. The weather was like this yesterday and nothing happened.”

"It is going to rain. Heavily."

“Trust me. It won’t. Look at the other students leaving.” Mariah pointed to the window. “Do you want to be left alone? It’s ten in the morning for god’s sake.”

I don’t care if I’m the only here. And this is getting silly. They’ve only known me for two weeks and they are this concerned about me?

“I am not leaving.” Final.

*

I agreed, only because they get more irritating.

My warnings for them to move faster fall on deaf ears. They’ve branched three biscuits shops, make jokes with the owners, flirt with boys, did many secondary school stuffs.

I drowned them out soon and get lost in my inner world. My inner sad world. Life has postponed my happiness again. I was brilliant. I never thought I would write WAEC three times. The plan was to graduate secondary school, write WAEC and JAMB the same year, and gain admission into college to study medicine and surgery. I should be in three hundred level, but I’m stuck in a private school with brat girls. And the worst part, Nigerian officials have postponed WAEC. The eight papers I’ve written gone.

The sky roared, as if its dark foreboding clouds are not enough to warn us of its soon would be havoc.

“Okay! I’m leaving you guys. It’s obvious you don’t care about rains,” I said and jogged off, heat flushing through me.

“Wait, we are going to walk faster now,” they called out, but I’m not waiting.

I should have known than to listen to them. They are fresh. Life hasn’t happened to them. One taste at the real world and they will lose their chirpiness. The chirpiness driving them to dance and flirt with boys under the rain. They’d realize this isn’t fantasy. Its real world.

As soon as I veered a corner into Adamu, the quiet and lifeless street, the rain pours down. Sudden and heavy. Like I had expected. I ran, ignoring the hard pebbles of rain stoning me, and searched for the nearest suitable spot I can stay.

I could only find an abandoned shabby school, uncompleted buildings, small shops with holes in their roofs. There’s no single person out. No one to help a poor girl.

The raindrops drummed against everything. Its sound blurred into a buzzing, incessant noise. I kept wiping the drizzling water off my face to keep my eyes on the road.

I was on the marshy ground before I comprehended what happened. I had slipped. Brown mud stick to my palms as I raised them. My skirt dirty and sticky. I don’t know when I ran to the nearest house, splattering mud over my bare legs.

I crouched down on the veranda. My head pounds and my heart aches. I shouldn’t have listened to them. Being alone is far better than this. Here, I’m alone and suffering and dirty. Lightning flashed. It seethed and streaked across the dark clouds and a booming and blasting thunder followed it. This is a nightmare.

I slid my hands down to propel myself up and paused. A cold and pasty substance pressed into my palms. A goat’s poop. I looked at my haven again. Little beads of black poops strewed the cemented floor. Tattered books and papers littered the floor. The wooden door all rusty.

There’s no one living here. I’m alone in a deserted house in a soiled street covered by a coven-black sky. I’m doomed. Pool of tears trickles down my eyes as the thickening in my throat enlarges.

I’m doomed and alone. I had ceased all contact with my classmates for three years because they shouldn’t know I haven’t gained admission and I’ve stopped hanging out with my sisters to study for exams. WAEC was suspended indefinitely today. And now this. I’m a loser. That is the only explanation.

Lightnings flared, thunders bellowed, roads flooded, but they didn’t faze me. Not anymore.

Eventually, the madness faded, and I headed home.

*

I got home and silently take a bath. I told my parents about the cancellation of WAEC and they comforted him. My sisters asked me to join them in playing scrabbles, but I refused. I’m too much of a loser to have fun.

I sat in my room, stuffing myself up with rice to numb the throbbing in my heart.

“Adeola.” I bolted up. That is Lizzy’s squeaky voice. What is she doing here? I opened the door to let her and Mariah in.

“So, you left us,” Lizzy said and walk up to me, her small chest jutted out and her hands fisted. “I’m going to shred you and feed you to my dog.”

If it had been Mariah, I would have been a bit scared.

“You know, friends should to be there for each other and you called yourself one, yet you left us to suffer alone,” Mariah said, taking her wrinkled clothes off. I’ve never called myself a friend.

“What are you doing here?” I asked. They’ve never been to my house. They only accompanied me to the gate and go their ways.

“To clean ourselves up. What else?” she said and jump on the bed. Naked. She’s naked on my bed!

“Hey, something happened to Mariah today?” Lizzy called from the bathroom. Mariah started laughing behind me.

“What happened to her?” I sit on the edge of the bed.

“So, she was chasing Daniel, in Sesan street after the rain stopped. The short Daniel.” Omg. The breast-level Daniel. “They didn’t see the gutter at the noodle seller shop because the road has been water-logged to the gutter’s level. They fell into it. Together. Thank goodness Daniel was taller than the gutter.”

I rolled onto the bed, laughing. Wow, I would have paid to witness that.

I had gone from depressed to cheerful in just a few minutes. Thought I would be numbed forever.

They have fun. They founded joy in getting whipped by a heavy rain and falling in a ditch. What if I had been with them? I wouldn’t be sulking. I would be in the living room playing scrabble with my sisters.

And the WAEC. It would have gone completely from my mind because I have sisters and parents and three young girls to numb it. I should probably stop calling them young. We are age mates. I just graduated earlier.

I’ve been hard on myself for a long time and I’ve missed out on splendid stuffs. I love my former classmates so much, yet I didn’t connect with them. The big brown box under my bed contains memories of them, yet it is not enough.

I don’t know what people are battling with inside. I see them having fun and I just assume they’ve had it best. They are thriving while I was being a coward.

After the rain while I was coming home, the sun came out and glowed. It cast beams of hope on people. I wanted to smile, but I gritted my teeth. Sad people don’t smile. This has always been my mentality. But not anymore.

I would call my classmates soon to make amends. I would be friendly with my three girlfriends. I would go out there and play with my adorable sisters. They matter. Yes, I haven’t entered college, but I’m trying my best. I should reward myself for not giving up. I shouldn’t beat myself down and chase myself away from people that care.

*

The living room welcomes me when I entered. It was dark and serene. The only source of light is the tv. I joined my mom in the armchair. My dad, my mom and my sisters glanced at me, probably surprised, then re-focused on the Giant Bubble kids tv show.

This is the best thing that happened to me in this week. Or this month. I was this contended last month. While disposing of tattered paper into the trash, my story had gone with it. A story I’ve been working for two years. It was too late when I realized my story was in the trash can. LAWMA had picked up the trash.

I was miserable until one of the many newsletters I subscribed to send an article to my phone. When I read it, it inspires me about the things that really matter in—

Omg. That event is like this. I was depressed and miserable until something motivates me. But the motivations didn’t last for longer hours. I can’t find it in me now. Which means this is my new life. Depressed for weeks till something sparks my happy hormone, which would last for an hour.

I’m doomed. Again.