Confidences

“Jan, do you think you’ve met your future husband yet?”

“You know, I think so. I think the timing just hasn’t been right yet, but some time soon, I’ll start going out with him.”

“Are you thinking of one guy in particular?”

“I’m not sure.”

“How about you, Elsa?

“No, I don’t think I have. At least, I hope not.”

“What are you looking for?”

“He’ll have to love films, and be funny.”

“Funny like Mr. Bean?”

“He’d have to have some form of appreciation of Mr. Bean!”

“Remember that Mr. Bean where he brought a raw fish with him to place in a pan to see if it was the right size to buy, ha ha ?!” 

“Yes! That Rowan Atkinson is an original!”

“I think I like the Christmas one best where the girlfriend thinks she’s getting an engagement ring, and it turns out to be a round hanger for the silly poster of an engagement!”

“Classic!”

“I don’t care about having a big ring like some women do.”

“I don’t know. If he can afford it, I would like a nice one.”

“Els, I really feel like Kramer from Seinfeld, always coming over here to hang out with you and your sister, when I have my own place.”

“Don’t feel like that. We all love to see you as often as you can spare.”

“Thanks! I love being here. It’s like a home away from home.”

“Fred’s inviting us all to go salsa dancing.”

“Oh how fun! I never did learn salsa properly, but it can’t be that hard.”

“I ran into your old boyfriend John the other day. He was so happy to show me he was with another girl. The girl was ugly, really bad skin.”

“Poor girl. I don’t think John knows how to date, so that won’t last long. I regret not giving him advice about it when he asked me. I felt the weirdness of being seven years younger, rather clueless, and giving advice.”

“I can see that.”

“Here’s where John went wrong. When you date, you should be putting your best qualities forward, not calling yourself a worm, or telling your date how others are better than you. Maybe he was trying to look humble, but he was really losing my respect.”

“Of course!”

“He also had this weird way of smiling when he was angry with me. We went to a party and I found myself talking to a guy named Mark, who I found more attractive than John. John was right there, and tried to take my hand, but I wouldn’t let him. Later that night, through a gritted smile, he told me that he was angry with me for it. It’s a bad sign, when almost everyone else seems more attractive to you than the person that you’re dating.”

“Ha! Definitely a red flag.”

“I had that feeling again, taking some ballroom dance lessons with him, my brother-in-law, and my friend Steve and his wife. I found myself preferring to dance with either of the other two guys than with John. We were doomed.”

“Oh, I never knew about that!”

“That reminds me, another dating no-no is talking bitterly about an ex-date like Max did when we went out on our own date! I just wanted to get away as he confided in me about how Mary didn’t understand him.”

“Yikes!”

“I really don’t know how this rather plain Mary was as popular as she was. She had many admirers, from what I could tell.”

“Mary who?”

“Mary Haloran.”

“Oh really? That is surprising. Sometimes admiration spreads because others admire.”

“I guess.”

“Mostly, I want a guy who will fit into my weird family.”

“Your family isn’t weird.”

“Oh yes we are. He’ll have to know Spanish. That’s a must have.”

“Loads of people know Spanish, Fred for one.”

“Yes, I like Fred.”

“Well, when is this salsa outing?”

“Next Saturday.”

“Good, I can make it.”

“Do you know, Fred is really funny?”

“Really? I’ve never seen that side of him.”

“There was a talent show. Fred can sing really well. Do you remember that guy who took the tune of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” and changed it to a politically correct, milquetoast song?”

“Yes, I remember!”

“Well, Fred did the same thing, changing the words to “Glamour Boys” by In Living Colour!”

“Please tell me there is a video! I need to see that!”

“Maybe we could ask Fred.”

“Who else is coming?”

“Gretchen, Diane, my sister Maria of course and Penny and Paul.”

“Oh Paul, I don’t think I like him.”

“Why not?”

“Just an instinct. And once he was critical that I ordered deep dish spinach pizza, calling it a waste. Gretchen came to my defense, but he doubled down.”

“Oh well.”

“Honestly though, I don’t think he’s a good match for Penny, or for any nice girl.”

“Well, Penny has her wise mother who can steer her right.”

“True, I love Penny’s mom! Wish she was my mom.”

“Do you remember when we found her on her front lawn, dancing the Macarena?”

“I’ll never forget it. I also remember all the good advice she’s given us over the years.”

“Remember when she had  David put makeup on you, and we were all gathered round.”

“Young David from Spain, I forgot about that!”

“I hope we’ll all always be friends.”

“Me too.”

“You and Maria are very special to me since we were kids taking piano lessons at that convent.”

“Yes, we go way back, over a decade now.”

“Now let’s talk about what kind of house you’d like to own someday.”

“Well, growing up having a pool was always fun. I’m sad to see my mother has filled it all in with dirt, and made a massive garden.”

“I was sad to see it go too. I swam there a lot over the years. For me, I’d like a spiral staircase and a library with dark shelves and warm lighting.”

“Oh that sounds good. I’d be okay without stairs, just a large ranch would be fine by me.”

“I feel like these little slumber parties might soon be coming to an end somehow.”

“Oh, how sad. These are the years of change, our twenties.”

“Hope there are even better days to come.”

“Definitely.”