Learning to Face My Fears

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Shannon asked as we stood in line to sign up for horseback riding lessons.

“I’m positive,” I responded looking up from my feet, “This summer is about facing our fears and this is first on my list.” I had always wanted to ride a horse. The only problem was the fact that I was terrified of horses. The thought of being close enough to touch the large muscular creatures gave me chills and made my stomach churn. During New Year’s I told everyone that my resolution was to do as many things that scared me as I could. Of course, there were exceptions such as harmful and illegal things. At the very top of my list was horseback riding. Nobody expected me to jump right into and ride into the sunset. Fortunately, my town had a very popular horse ranch that offered discounted lessons over the summer.

“Hi, ladies, what can I do for ya?” the woman running the desk said in a very cheerful voice.

“Hi, my friend and I wanted to sign up for some lessons. The only problem is she is terrified of horses and we were hoping you could help.” Shannon told the woman with a huge smile.

“Of course! We can start you off with barn duties and bonding activities. After that, we can work our way up to riding. Trust me we see this a lot,” She began to say writing some stuff down on her clipboard, “Just go ahead and sign your names here with some contact information and we will see you next Saturday.” And that was it. We were officially riders in training. In only one short week we would be at the barn with one of the most terrifying creatures I could think of.

It was Saturday morning. I hadn’t slept all night. I couldn’t tell if I was excited or mortified. Suddenly I heard a familiar ringing sound. I reached onto the pillow beside me and put the phone to my ear, “Hello,” I said in a monotone voice.

“Hey, Ash! I hope you’re getting ready because I’m picking you up in half an hour.” I was only half listening. I was already dressed. Halfway through getting ready I realized what I was getting ready for and shut down. After saying goodbye to Shannon, I got up and walked into the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror. This was something I did when I was nervous about something. I have been doing this since I was little. A short pep talk in the mirror always made me feel better. Before I knew it half an hour had passed, and Shannon was in my driveway honking the car horn at me. I quickly grabbed my bag and ran out the door to get into Shannon’s car. Within minutes we were on our way to the barn.

As we pulled into the parking lot, we noticed a group of people standing by the barn door. We got out of the car and walked over to the group wondering what was going on. It was sensible to assume they were all waiting for lessons. Many of them had obviously done lessons before and others seemed like excited first-timers. After about a minute the doors opened, and five people walked out towards the group. The more experienced looking people grouped together with a younger-looking man. He had beautiful brown eyes and dark hair. Blue jeans and a white t-shirt covered his fit-looking figure. Suddenly I wasn’t so nervous. I was snapped out of my thoughts by a woman’s voice. “Shannon and Ashley, you can follow me!” It was the same woman from the sign-up table. Me and Shannon followed her into the barn to meet with a young girl who was carrying multiple bowls with grain in them. “This is Sarah, girls. She’s going to teach you about feeding, grooming, cleaning and other barn duties. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask her.” With that quick introduction, she was gone, and we were left alone with Sarah.

“So, I’m Sarah. I do a lot of the barn work here. You guys can start by grabbing the empty bowls from all the stables and meeting me in the back room over there where we keep the food.” She motioned her full arm to the open door in the back of the barn. This wasn’t as hard as I expected so far.

After gathering all the empty bowls, filling them and putting them back into the correct stables we went over-grooming and stable cleaning. I used this time to get used to being around the enormous creatures that inhabited the rustic wooden barn. All of this took us around 3 hours. We had a quick lunch break and then we were given the news I was dreading. “It’s time for us to walk the horses,” Sarah said sitting across from us at a wooden bench in the shade, “So, each of us is going to take a horse and walk them around that circle pen over there. I followed her outstretched hand to see a circular pen where horses were being walked around the fence. I didn’t know if I was ready to handle a horse myself. For a minute I was tempted to back out, but I knew that I had to do it.

The rest of that day consisted of me hesitantly trying to follow instructions on how to handle the different types of horses at the barn. The following month was the most difficult month I had ever experienced. I had to slowly work my way up to getting on a horse and this was the final day of lessons. Today was the day I would solo ride a horse. We had carefully picked a smaller, gentle horse for my endeavor. It was finally time for me to complete the first item on my fear list.