Gone With the Wind

This story contains low-level racial overtones.

Gone With the Wind

Iain Macleod looked around the dinner table where eight stern faces focused elsewhere but at him and the new lady in his life, Hia.

Of late, Iain, a general practice doctor, had returned from an overseas assignment with Médecins Sans Frontières, or Doctors Without Borders in English, an international humanitarian medical non-governmental organisation of French origin best known for its projects in conflict zones and countries affected by endemic diseases.

Married, with two school-aged sons, before his deployment to Myanmar, Iain returned home with Hia, much to the disapproval of his otherwise close-knit family.

Iain and his wife, Linda, had grown apart well before his overseas departure, and his call for divorce did not surprise her. The crux that Iain and Linda reached an amicable settlement of their assets and child custody did nothing to diffuse the open displeasure exhibited by his family members.

*

Divorce? Shock! Horror! Not in the MacLeod family.

Iain’s mother, Helen, had stated that no member of the MacLeod lineage had ever stooped so low as to divorce a partner. ‘Yeah, sure, as if you’d know, Mum.’

A divorce?  And a girl of colour!

With a table of a size suitable for the comfortable sitting of six diners, Iain and Hia sat wedged into a corner alongside a noisy grandfather clock. Its audible ticking and chiming on the quarter-hour were off-putting enough without the attitudes of the gathered MacLeod clan. ‘Toby, you look like you’d be happy to plant a dirk between my ribs.’

*

Mum and Dad (Doug) presided over the table with elder sister Janet and hubby Brian seated on either side. Next, younger sister June and partner Alan. Younger brother Toby and wife Mary brought up the rear.

Iain, viewed as pig-headed or stubborn by his family members, adopted a feigned air of relaxation as he, in silence, vowed he’d not be the one to break the impasse.

Being invited to the clan gathering by Helen, Iain, at short notice, accepted the invitation, thinking his mother wished for a get-together to heal broken relationships between Iain and his siblings.

However, from everyone’s mindset towards him and Hia, he believed his two sisters and younger brother intended to chastise him for bringing the MacLeod name into disrepute.

Now and again, he’d catch one of the party’s eye, but the contact didn’t last. Those seated feared Iain might try to engage them in conversation, so they sat staring in mute silence at the space in front of them.

*

Hia remained by his side, answering in her dulcet tones whenever Iain spoke to her. With Iain’s parents and siblings, the stage had reached near ridiculous.

Iain, when playing cricket, gained a reputation for stubbornness when performing his role as an opening batsman. While wickets may fall around him, they could rely upon Iain to keep his end intact. He’d block the good balls, even if it brought a slow scoring rate. Coupled with an iron will, he possessed the patience of Job.

On this day, Iain displayed his intransigence to its utmost. Hia had tried to get him to break his silence by squeezing his leg beneath the table and delivering an imploring expression.

No. Iain’s outlook was that he and Hia had responded to an invitation. Hence, the hosts should make the first move of welcoming.

*

For fear of embarrassing Hia further, Iain glanced around, hoping to catch someone’s attention. If he could lock eyes with one of the party, he stood the chance of brow-beating them into breaking the stupid and wilful silence into which the scene had progressed.

Janet’s husband, Brian, came across as the most uncomfortable person in the group. As Iain watched, Brian writhed and shifted in discomfort. ‘Do you want to break the ice, Brian? Open your trap; say something!’

Iain locked his eyes on Brian; the longer he did so, the more he squirmed. Iain felt Hia’s hand on his leg, and glancing downwards, he saw her point to the room’s door. ‘You’ve had enough of this charade, my love. Me too. I’ll see if I can bully Brian into opening his gob.’

*

Brian continued to shift position in his seat to the stage where Iain initially thought he was preparing to rise and leave the table, maybe for a toilet break. No, that did not happen. Brian resettled in his chair and adopted the posture of Rodin’s sculpture, The Thinker.

They say silence is golden. Iain didn’t know what Brian was thinking then, but he broke that silence with a loud fart.

Then Iain realised Brian hadn’t been squirming because of the night’s shambles. He was wriggling around in his chair because of his body’s gas build-up and the need for release.

*

Heads turned in Brian’s direction, and Iain watched as the embarrassed man’s face blossomed into a deep flush, changing his cheeks to beetroot red.

The room remained deathly quiet for several seconds until the sound of a genteel giggle broke the stalemate.

The eyes, locked onto Brian at the moment of his faux pas, turned to the titter utterer-----Hia.

Now, holding everyone’s attention, Hia, doing a better job than Brian when he tried to stifle his fart, burst into laughter.

Iain, never one to condone guests passing wind at a dinner table, saw the humour in the happening and joined Hia with hilarity.

*

Doug, Iain’s dad, snorted as he tried to withhold a fit of mirth. Helen attempted to rebuke Doug for his behaviour but ended up nigh bursting her sides when she broke out in uncontrolled exuberance.

With the two heads of the house joining Hia in merriment, the others joined in, and even Brian couldn’t keep a straight face when issuing an apology for his ungentlemanlike social graces.

*

Doug rose and took a stance at the end of the table. Still trying to hold back his laughter, he said, “Righto, you blokes. I want the lot of you outdoors. Grab a pew under the patio, and we’ll have a beer while catching up with Iain’s lot. I wish him to tell me how his overseas jaunt went.

“While we’re doing that, the ladies can perchance learn a few Burmese recipes from Hia. Then we’ll join and get stuck into that dinner, to which Helen invited everyone.”

*

Equally important, the ladies enjoyed a glass or two of chilled white wine while the men’s choice of refreshment was beer, in stubby form, straight from the patio’s drinks fridge.

After a half hour of introductions, on Hia’s part, and general chit-chat, the women joined the men on the patio.

Janet approached Iain and said, “Iain, I didn’t know Hia was a doctor. She is university educated, too. I wasn’t aware they were so advanced in Myanmar.

“On the other hand, The Wild Man from Borneo. Does Hia hail from where he hangs out?”

‘A doctor? University educated? The wild man from Borneo? What did you pre-empt of, Hia, dear sister? Did you expect her to arrive bare-breasted and a bone through her nosey?’

Those thoughts raced through Iain’s head as he smiled before answering, “Myanmar once bore the name of Burma, not Borneo. Indeed, Hia is well-learned. It was the ability for her and me to spend hours on intelligent debate which drew us together.”

*

With dinner behind them, the sibling couples drifted off home at intervals, leaving Iain and Hia alone with Helen and Doug.

Helen scoffed at Iain’s insistence on leaving for home. “You’ll do no such thing. Hia and I have much to say to each other. She is a lovely girl, and we have lots to discuss.

“Doug, get your duty-free Glenmorangie Scotch whisky out and take Iain into the games room.

“Iain and Hia shall sleep in the guest room tonight. Therefore, what he drinks doesn’t matter because he won’t be driving.”

*

As Doug poured a generous slug of whisky into Iain’s glass, he said, “Who could ever have predicted that a loud fart administered at the dinner table could bring a family together, such as we have seen tonight?”

ooOoo