When hearts break

Love hurts.

I’m not talking about love as an action, but the word itself.

Love is a commitment. A promise. It’s a contract between two entities. A contract that can’t be broken. For the consequences are too damaging for a heart to bear.

Love seeks response, and if that response never comes, hearts break and tears flow in dark rooms, against pillows that still hold the perfumes of long-lost lovers.

Flor never really believed in love. She belonged to this kind of people that find marriage and relationships an inevitable stage to the lives of men and women. A form of compromise that gives access to numerous benefits, and if you’re smart with your choices, an easier life. Flor didn’t head into life based on emotions. She was not dumb. And although she had pronounced “I love you” countless times to that day, even though she was just 22 years old, for her it was a mere sequence of words, deftly disguised behind a fake kiss and a beguiling caress.

Being the most beautiful young woman in town, the young Argentine was a prize for any man to have. Like a renaissance painting had just come into life, a look at her could act like a spell that could not be broken by any remedy. Her long ebony hair moving so gracefully, like a velvet veil dancing under the rhythm of a summer breeze, drenched by the settling sun in an empty beach, lost somewhere along the coasts of the South American continent. Her eyes, as dark as the abyss, could drag you into their emptiness and keep you there until the end of time, floating in a state of bliss. Her indigenous face features, as if embodying the graces of some ancient Mayan queen, flawless, and majestic. Her skin… oh, her skin. One touch and your body would experience sensations that can’t be described in any language in this world.

It didn’t take long for her to find what she wanted. She got married a few days after she became 18. Very soon, she realised that the young man she dated at the time, had little to offer to her ambitions. Fede came with a number of experiences that she needed to pass into womanhood. Although he would make a kind and lovely husband, he was not enough for her, and what she had planned for her future. The man she would eventually marry would have to offer her a lot more than that. For she was pretty and smart, and she deserved the world.

Flor would break up with Fede on a day in the end of summer, but something unexpected happened on that day. Her boyfriend’s childhood best friend, Nico, had come back from London, where he had moved a few years ago. Flor had always dreamt of living in a big European city. Of course, she wouldn’t let this chance go away. She decided to stay with Fede a bit longer. Long enough to put her spells on Nico and make him fall madly in love with her. Long enough to make two friends nearly kill each other. Flor and Nico got married three months after they met, and they moved to London after New Year’s Eve.

Her life in London was not what she had expected. Every man on her way, constantly tried to be around her and flirt with her, and when her husband noticed that, he became jealous and didn’t allow his wife to go out alone. The fact that he was making more than enough money working as a Head Chef in a famous restaurant in Central London gave him the excuse to not let her find a job of her own. She would spend most of the time at home, watching TV or chatting with her family on video calls. She attempted to download some dating apps on her phone, just to pass time, but soon she found out that men on those apps were disgusting, so she instantly deleted them. Before a year had passed, though, the restaurant where Nico worked closed for refurbishment. They desperately needed an extra income, as Nico was tied by his contract, so he wouldn’t be able to find an extra job. He simply had to make it with the compensation money he received. It was not enough. This situation offered the young woman the chance to ask once more her husband’s permission to let her find a job, to bring on the table the extra money they needed. He had no other choice but to accept. Destiny had already begun to bring the script into action.

She found a job in the cloak room of a nightclub near Leicester Square. The salary was better than she had expected. At last, she could spend some time away from home, and get the chance to meet new places and people. She felt bewitched by how people lived in the English capital. She made friends with some of her colleagues and almost after every shift, secretly from her husband, she would go out with them, and she would dance and drink and flirt, as if it was her last day on earth. On her days off, she would go shopping with the extra money she made, and she would buy clothes from her favourite brands. She enjoyed every moment in the foreign country. Finally, she lived the way she wanted.

Her life would come upside down almost one year after that. The club was looking for a new Bar Manager, and a few candidates would get there before the beginning of that night’s event. Flor had just arrived for her shift, and she was chatting with the girls at the reception, when she heard a deep male voice behind her.

“Good evening, ladies,” greeted the handsome young man. “I’m here for the interview.”

Flor turned around, and at once she felt as if she was struck by a lightning. A lightning different from the ones she had previously seen. This lightning was as blue as the eye colour of the stranger in front of her. His face reminded her of those Roman statues she’d seen in magazines. He was tall and even under his shirt, one could notice the thick, and perfectly balanced muscles faintly showing under the fabric. His curly blonde hair made him look like an ancient Greek God. So, it came to no surprise that indeed the young man came from Greece.

“Forgive me if I startled you, babes,” he said to Flor and then gave her a big, warm smile. A smile that she would never forget for the rest of her life from that moment on. “I’m Chris. Well, it’s actually called Christos where I come from, but I think Chris sounds better” he stretched his hand to her, still smiling. He was looking deep into her eyes. It was almost as if he was trying to enter her soul to find her best-hidden secrets. She seemed to freeze for a moment. For the first time in her life, she didn’t know how to react in the presence of a man–or woman. She briefly touched his hand, avoiding looking at him in the eyes, and she strode to the cloak room. It was such an awkward moment. She felt the gazes of the newcomer and the reception girls’ following her, probably thinking what’s wrong with her.

Flor closed the cloak room door. She sat on the floor her arms around her knees, her back touching the wall. What the hell was that? she thought. She felt sick. It felt as if someone had punched her hard in the stomach.

She didn’t see the young handsome man coming out from the Duty Manager’s office after the interview. She hoped he wouldn’t be hired as she felt embarrassed after the way she acted upon his arrival at the club. On the other hand, though… No! This man made her feel weird. She could not act herself in front of him. There was something strange about him. It seemed like Eros had finally broken the glass wall around her, protecting her all these years from the vicious attacks of the god of love. Though she had no idea yet.

A few days later, while she was preparing the tickets in the front of the cloak room, she heard the familiar deep male voice. “I think you forgot to introduce yourself the other night,” he said along with that damn smile that every time felt like it would break something inside her. Still, she did her best to act normal. She didn’t want to look weak in front of him. In front of anyone.

“Sorry about that,” she replied. And she continued as firmly as she could, although she felt her heart beating faster, “My name is Flor. I’m working in the cloak room… as you can see.” She was still trying to avoid looking at him straight in the eyes. They were a trap; a deadly one. She could feel it.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Flor. I guess you already know my name and what I will be doing here.” Stop smiling, damn it… she thought. “I hope you’re visiting the bar often… cos… you know… I’m gonna be there,” he continued, and for the first time Flor noticed that he too was nervous. She didn’t reply.

“Well, see you around then… Flor,” he said and made his way to the changing rooms.

Could it be that he liked me too? He’s not like all the rest though… usually men come onto me so crude and cocky, with their stupid pickup lines. But him… Nah, he couldn’t possibly like me. He’s so… perfect!

More months passed. Night shifts full of exchanging sights, unable to hide the hints of desire and expectations. In a place full of young attractive people, Flor and Chris would stand out like the flame of a candle burning alone in the darkness. Anyone could notice the energy between them. Two hearts beating fast every time they came near to each other. Two pairs of lips attracting each other like magnets. Two bodies that died to become one, ready to risk everything in the blink of an eye, just for a few moments with each other. And a husband whose feelings had been irrevocably hurt, lurking in the shadows. Jealousy aching his heart, like a spark heading to a bunch of dry leaves, ready to transform into a wildfire that is going to burn a thick forest to ashes.

One night, after an early closing, following a boring event, the staff decided to go out for a few drinks in another club in the area. Flor went to the bar to order a second round for her and Anna, who was one of the waitresses at the club, and her best friend from work. Chris finally found the chance, and with the courage that three glasses of gin had granted him, he followed Flor to the bar. Standing next to her, he put his left arm around her shoulders, and he whispered in her ear, loudly enough to be heard, “What are you drinking?”

She didn’t bother to answer. She just looked into his eyes, and moments later she shouted at him, so she could be heard above the loud music, “Let’s get out of here!”

Surprised, Chris just nodded. Flor ran back to their stand, picked up her bag and whispered something to Anna’s ear. Then, even faster, she went back to Chris. She grabbed his hand, and the two of them left the club.

For an uncertain amount of time, they merely walked. At moments talking about personal stuff, or simply staring into each other’s eyes, unable to look away, as if they were scared to let each other from one’s sight, to not let them go. They talked about their childhood, and the places they grew up. About their friends and family, and their favourite movies and bands. She talked about her marriage, and how miserable she’s been until she found the job at the club. Walls of uncertainty and insecurities were breaking down. Two souls had met each other after wandering around alone and incomplete within the vastness of time.

He took her to the bus stop and kept her company until the bus would arrive. Soon, bus number 9 appeared, making its way to the bus stop. It was almost empty, and it sped up as it reached the bus stop. A wave of sadness covered her heart while she was getting ready to get on the bus. Though before she even managed to spell “goodnight” to him, Chris pulled her gently, and he held her tight on his body. He looked at her in the eyes, in a way that only eyes blinded by love can comprehend. And then he kissed her. He kissed her like a soldier would kiss his wife before going to war. As if it would be the first and last time their lips would touch each other. They hugged and kissed like no one else was around. Like the time had stopped, and this world had been created for them to meet and fall in love. They were lost and found in each other’s arms.

Flor didn’t return home that night. A cheap excuse sent to her husband by message, and moments later she was in an Uber with the only person she wanted to be with right now. Once they arrived at Chris’s studio flat, no more words were uttered. Only the bodies talked. They talked in languages unknown to most humans. Unknown to the ones who haven’t dared to chase their desires. Chris explored every inch on the young woman’s body, kissing her, caressing her soft skin, showing her places previously unknown to her. Their bodies became one. They couldn’t let go of each other. One would swear that night prolonged its presence, as night itself wanted to offer a gift to the young lovers. Though this moment couldn’t last forever. Next day, Flor woke up in his arms. She thought she’s still dreaming, but there she was, with her face on his chest, feeling his breath and listening to his heart beating.

Unfortunately, she had to go. She kissed him for one last time on the lips. Although still asleep, she knew he felt it, in whatever dreamworld he was lost into. Because he smiled in his sleep. She smiled too, realising that she had never again felt something so strong for a man. For the first time, she had followed her heart, not logic. And she had been rewarded. With this last sight of him, sleeping so peacefully, she left.

Back home, Nico was furious. From the second she entered the house she was met by a stream of insults. He screamed and shouted and broke things. He was hurt. She could understand. For now, she also knew how hurtful love can be. She would feel the same way if she saw Chris with another woman. So, she didn’t reply. She didn’t disagree with him. She just nodded and cried. She cried loud, but not for the man in front of her. She cried for the moments that would never come. For the love that would never be complete. For the two bodies, that would never again become one. She cried because she knew that her stay here had ended its course.

Days later, Nico and Flor were inside a plane in Heathrow Airport. Her husband, unable to let her go, even though his heart was still broken Flor’s betrayal, he decided to give her one more chance. Because he loved her. He loved her so much that he placed her above his ego. Above a prestigious job and life in the only city he ever felt part of. He loved her above anything else in the universe.

Chris never quit trying to find her. He kept asking people and spending endless hours on social media. He never stopped looking for the young woman that stole his heart and then broke it. Was it just a dream? Was that night real? Yes, it was real. He would never forget that night. Her thought would haunt him for years to come. But she was nowhere to be found. She came into his life like a spirit, a deity that lost her way to heaven, and for a moment came and marked his life forever. One day, he would eventually accept it. As powerful as their love story had been, it was over now.

Flor looked through the window. She saw from above for one last time the city where she experienced such powerful emotions and met true love for the first time. She was heading back home a totally different person. Who knew what life would bring? The plane turned west, and London disappeared from her sight. Tears fell from her eyes, and her heart broke into millions of pieces.

Love is hope.

Love is dreaming.

Love gives you the motivation to go on even when you feel broken.

Only love is able to make cross seas and continents, even when the odds are against you.

If you believe in love, there’s no fear that can stop you. You will one day find what you’re looking for. And your heart will heal.