Nine Hundred Seconds

I told her to be here at seven thirty. No. No. I asked her to meet me here at seven thirty. It’s seven fifteen. She’s not late; you’re early. Relax. Don’t twist your pants into a knot. Shut up. You’re talking to yourself and you’re getting funny looks. I’m sweating; soaked. I’ve been standing here for over an hour. This is nuts. She’ll laugh at me. I just know it. I should go. No. Don’t be a coward. This isn’t life or death. It’s only a question. Only a question? Life or death? It’s a life sentence. Just leave. Don’t let her humiliate you. How will you face your friends? I can hear it now. I told you so. Pipe down. You’re arguing with yourself. Wait. This isn’t about them. Friends come and go. The true ones hang around. They’ll understand. They don’t judge. Isn’t she your best friend? She’ll understand. But will I? This is the biggest decision of my life, and she’s late. She’s not coming. Seven twenty. She said seven thirty. No, you said seven thirty. Why are you getting so worked up? Fear. Plain and simple fear. Am I ready? Is she ready? What if she says no? She won’t. She might. She will. Then what? Where do I go then? I’ve put all my eggs in one basket. What if they break? Will she break them? Will I break them? She won’t. I won’t. I’m good. Seven twenty-three. I could use a drink. My mouth feels like a wad of cotton. I can’t breathe. I need to sit down. I can’t do this. Is it raining? I got to get out of the rain. Call her. Set it for another time. She’ll understand. The car wouldn’t start. That’s original. What a schmuck. Seven twenty-six. I gotta pee. Easy. Be cool. You can do this. No, I can’t. You can. But there’s so much I want to do. Places I want to go. Meet other girls. Really? You want to play that game? Same old routine? Same old dialogue? Why can’t you do that with her? You know her. She’s always been there – for you. Find new paths with her. You’ve got nothing to lose with her. But . . . seven twenty-eight. God! My knees are buckling. I gotta sit down? A bathroom? I need a bathroom. Seven twenty-nine. Oh, God! It’s too late. There she is. My fate is set. I’m fried. I can’t back out now. Man, she looks great. The smile. It warms me. That smile – just for me. Seven thirty. She’s standing in front of me. Those eyes. It’s just the two of us. There’s no one else. Only us. She’s holding my hand. I feel good, so good. I could conquer the world and I will, with her. I’m on one knee. It feels so natural. Show her the ring. The ring. I’m here on my knee, looking at her and everyone is looking at me. Smiling. Waiting. My face feels like a bad sunburn. She’s looking at me weirdly. I can’t believe I said it. Will you marry me even if I forgot the ring? She’s laughing. She’s crying. She kisses me and says yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.

She said yes – like I always thought she would, and nobody laughed. Not now.

***

Seven thirty. That’s what he said. Meet me at seven thirty. His voice sounded weird. I wonder what this is all about. Silly you. You know what it’s about. It’s about you. He’s been acting strange all week. The little things he’s done. Said. Maybe he’ll ask me tonight. Make it official. He’s beautiful. Wonderful. So strong and considerate. He gives me his full attention whenever he’s with me. There’s no one but him. But why me? I’m nothing special. But he thinks I am. That’s important. How did I get so lucky? Seven fifteen. The train is so crowded. Every stop more people get on. Can’t someone get off? Don’t make me late. Why aren’t we there now? Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe I’m wrong. My family disapproves of him, our relationship, for loving him, for moving in with him. I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, they say. But I don’t care what they think. I only care what he thinks. I care for him. Doesn’t that count? They’ll like him once they meet him and understand why I can’t wait to share my life with him. But I can’t wait, won’t wait, for their approval. I want him. He loves me. We’ll get married when we can afford it. But for now, what they think isn’t important. They’ll just have to get over it. Only what he thinks matters. Only that he loves me and that I love him. I’ve got to sit down before I faint. There isn’t a seat anywhere. That’ll be just great. Flat on my face in the middle of the aisle. Can’t fall. No room. Someone will have to get off the train. Probably think I’m drunk and just passed out. Shut up! God! Can’t this train move any faster? Don’t they know that I can’t be late? Seven twenty-five. God! Please don’t be late. We’re slowing down. No! Please speed up. Get me there early. A stop? Please make it quick. Please. I’m going to be late. I’ll kill myself. I’ll kill them. I can’t believe this is happening on my special day. The doors shut. The train is moving – so slow. So slow. Seven twenty-seven. God! Faster! Please go faster. He loves me. I know he does. Next stop. Seven twenty-nine. The platform is crowded. How will I find him? There’re so many people. Seven thirty. On time, but he’s not there. He didn’t come. What a fool I am. What a fool. Open the doors, damn it! There! I see him! David, I’m here. Don’t leave. I love you! I love you!

Phillip, is something wrong?

No. Not anymore. You’re here. Hold me.