4 comments

Sad Suspense Contemporary

This is my worst nightmare. Is what Ethan said to himself when he woke up. It was only a few nights ago Ethan and Isabella arrived. Deep into the dense woods on the Maine mountaintops. Now sitting at the seemingly lifeless body of Isabella in their tent. He desperately tried to wake her, shaking her as hard as he could. It was far too late at this point and he knew she had passed. Trying to look past the tears in his eyes he looked for a cause. Nothing he saw explained any of this. He wondered if he was too rough with her last night. He knew Isabella had medical issues but she liked what Ethan didn’t want to do. Isabella was the love of his life and was just trying to make her happy. If I only had more control I could have prevented this. Feeling powerless Ethan let out a scream. The scream was heart wrenching and woke everyone up.

Meanwhile in another tent James burst from his slumber. Quickly realizing something was wrong he woke up his girlfriend. “Sophia wake up!” “I think something horrible happened!” James said as he stumbled and rushing his way out of the tent. Sophia, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes, said “Babe, I'm sure it's nothing, don't worry.” James, determined to find out, paid her no mind. James knew Ethan would not dare wake anyone up that's not like him. Sitting there waiting for James to come back, becoming angry he left. She suddenly hears James screaming at her to get over here right now. She heard the desperation in his voice. Suddenly nothing else mattered except getting to him. As Sophia was approaching she saw James standing at Ethan's tent screaming. “What have you done! I'll never forgive you!”. Other campers in the area started emerging and staring at the spectacle.

Ethan hopelessly tried to explain it wasn’t his fault. Between shaking her and the rough relations from last night. It looked bad, Isabella had bruising and hand prints around her neck. James with his fists clenched ready to strike said “You killed my sister! How could you do this?”. Sophia, now coming into eye contact with her deceased friend, started to hysterically cry.  Ethan saw campers in the distance on their phones now. Knowing he let everyone down and no one would believe him he started to panic. Ethan slowly got up and zipped Isabella into the tent. “I know this looks bad James but you have to believe me she asked for me to do that and I don’t know why she is dead.” James now blinded by rage could take no more of his lies. Before Ethan could even realize James had punched him in the cheek. Knocking him down to the ground where he belonged. Ethan’s face throbbing faster and harder than his heart beat was stunned. After everything we’ve been through I cant believe James thinks I did this.

Shortly after hitting the ground a bystander came over and stopped James from attacking anymore. Not knowing he was restraining the wrong person. Sophia, seeing all this, pleaded with the man to let James go. At this point the police have entered the campsite. Ethan got up and slowly started to back away from everything in shock, still crying. The police officer gets out and says “I’m Frank with the Millinocket police department. Everyone freeze don’t move!” James yelled and pointed at Ethan saying “That guy killed my sister Isabella, she’s dead in that tent. You better get him before I do!” Now with everyone looking at Ethan something in him broke. While looking for the words to explain all this he noticed he was running. What a horrible mistake this was. Why would I run?

As branches hit Ethan harder than James did trying to make his escape he thought. My life is over, my love is dead, my friends hate me. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in jail. Why did this have to happen to me? Ethan could see the officer catching up to him and knew he had to do something. He saw the forest was coming to an end and he was approaching the cliffside. Now consumed by fear he stopped just a foot from falling. Turned around to meet the gaze of lasers from the officer's gun. Ethan complied with his order to put his hands up looking for an escape. The cop was a little zealous in trying to grab Ethan. Once again in a panic Ethan reacted poorly and made a last ditch effort to evade. Causing the officer to fall off the ledge. Ethan heard his screams as he fell and like a firework it all ended with an explosion. As if someone dropped a bucket of paint red covering everything down there.

With the officer gone no one was chasing Ethan at the moment. He sat down thinking about everything that happened. He realized if he wasn’t so afraid of letting everyone down he would have had more control.  If only I could go back it would all be different. Now I have a cop’s death on me too. There really is no escape from this hell I’ve created. Even if Isabella’s death wasn't my fault there's no going back. Ethan got up, there were no more tears left to shed. His stomach was in knots and he could no longer deal with all this. Coming back to the ledge he looked again. Except this time all he could see at the bottom was the end of his suffering. Just as he was about to jump off he felt a vibration and stopped. It was a text message from James. He apologized to Ethan, the paramedics told him she died of a stroke and was no fault of anyone. So he jumped off the ledge knowing he only had himself to blame.

Falling he felt weightless like all the problems were being lifted. He closed his eyes right before the impact with one last tear in his eye. He said “I love you Isabella, I'll be with you soon.” Just then he opened his eyes again screaming her name. To his surprise he heard Isabella say “It's 4 in the morning what's wrong hun”. When he realized he was dreaming in his dream the tears started pouring down his face. Isabella jumped to him and put her arms around him. “I'm here for you and I'll never leave.” Ethan tightly embracing her back promised to be the best man he could from now on. He explained what he dreamed and how this is my worst nightmare.

September 27, 2021 01:21

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4 comments

Ayushi Roy
06:17 Oct 07, 2021

Hi Ryan! This story was really gripping. It was really nice. You had me hooked till the last line of the story. It also gave me 'If we were villains' vibes. haha!! But from next time, try to keep the story in a single tense. It interchanged between the past and present quite a lot which is okay when you start writing. You'll get to it eventually. But overall, it was a really nice story. You did a great job :))

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Ryan Shaw
09:51 Oct 07, 2021

Thank you so much I really appreciate the kind words and I value your input and I will keep that in mind I can only improve because of people like you 🙂

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TARA WOODIN
21:40 Oct 06, 2021

Ryan, I love this concept. The dream giving this man the strength to turn into the person he wants to be. Very compelling. A couple of things to work on that could make it stronger: Your tense interchanges several times throughout the story. I would go back through to get consistency. Reading it out loud to yourself can sometimes help pull that out. Also, visibly, when reading it, everything feels too clumped together to the point that things feel like a run on paragraph and it gets harder to follow. This is typed out as an essay. I feel l...

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Ryan Shaw
23:09 Oct 06, 2021

thank you so much for the input I am really new to this I just started (2nd story) and I've been doing the lessons they provide here but I will definitely keep this in mind moving forward I appreciate it

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