Betrayed

"I cannot return to work. I need to file for Family Leave."

"If you want to remain an employee here, you need to return with the rest of the staff. We have been off for several months and we need to return."

"My son has a compromised immune system. He is not able to return to school or daycare. I need to stay home with him during this time."

"I will not approve your leave and you have not provided the proper paperwork."

"But I did. You asked me to provide a doctor's note from my son's doctor. The note stated that he was not cleared to go to school, due to covid. I also included a note from his daycare stating they could not take him due to his fragile condition."

I had to walk away. We have been friends and have worked together for so many years. She sat with me when I found out my son had DiGeorge Syndrome. She knew how crushed I was to find out how medically fragile he was. She knew he was immunocompromised. I'm so confused by her demands. I understand she has to run a business, but I have to take care of my son's needs first.

"Hello."

"Um, hey this is Jessica from Daycare Country."

"Oh, hey! We are going to miss you,” I said.  “You have been so great for my kids. I hope we can return soon! You are such a great daycare."

"I am calling because do you have any idea what your boss is doing?"

"Doing? What do you mean?”

"She just called us pretending to be a parent. She asked us if we had room for a seven-year-old boy, a five-year-old girl, and a three-year-old boy. We told her yes and as I was asking her to come in and tour our facility, she interrupted me.

“Are you kidding me?”

“She then continued to say that she was not a parent, but your boss and that she was trying to catch you in a lie. She wanted to know if we had room.”

Gasp

"I hung up on her, " Jessica continued, " but she called back. I didn't answer, but she just emailed me. Look, I don't know what her problem is, but if she was my boss, I would not work for her. What she is doing is so unethical.”

"I cannot believe she just did this. I am so sorry she brought you into this."

As I sat there soaked in complete and utter betrayal after the realization that my best friend, my employer who brought me into this world of education, my mentor who helped me with my own autism and executive functioning issues was so needy that when the roles were reversed and I genuinely needed her, she denied me my own rights as an employee. I dropped everything for her whenever she needed me. I ran the school when her sister was dying of cancer. I was there for her when her brother passed away. I wrote reference letters for her daughter and sat with her when she was in emotional pain. I was there for her through her fibromyalgia and all of her many, many days that she was not able to come to work, but when I got the call to get my three grandkids without warning because their mom was strung out on drugs, she got mad. When children’s services told me that I was going to have to keep the kids indefinitely, she told me that she wanted to make sure it did not interfere with my work.

All the red flags were there. Why did I stay loyal to her? 

I had nothing when I brought these kids home. I had a three-year-old nonverbal child with severe disabilities, an eighteen-month-old and a newborn and I never even asked for a day off. My desperate facebook post was answered within hours for friends to watch the kids so I could get to work the next day. My lack of having a crib or clothes were provided by friends, but my boss never even gave me a minute to breathe. 

I went to work the day after I got the kids. I went to work the next day and the next day and the next day. If she called at 11:00 at night, I answered. If she called in the middle of a baby crying and kids running around at home, I answered. I had three kids who had been deeply affected by drugs, neglect and abuse dropped off at a center by police and she never even asked me how I was. She only told me her demands and what she needed from me. 

I was her employee. 

This was my job.

If she called, I was supposed to answer.

If she needed me, no matter what time of day or night, it was my job to be there. At least that’s what she told me. The few times I didn’t answer she asked me if having these kids was going to affect my job.

Why I continued to look the other way and do whatever she asked for three more years, I have no idea. 

Friends and close staff members told me to look around. Look how many staff and kids leave the school. Look at the turnaround with employees. 

I believed in the cause. 

I believed in the mission.

I believed in the kids.

I believed in my boss who was my friend and I believed in us.

I believed in what we were doing.

When I saw a kid smile or read or do things they were not able to do when they first started at the school, I believed in what we were doing, but when I saw her yell at a kid for acting a certain way just because they had a disability, the red flags went off.

All the warning signs were there. I didn’t want to think this person I looked up to would stray anyone away let alone take advantage of people who had autism spectrum disorder.  I silently didn’t know what to do when she was placing demands on the kids that were out of their reach. I hid my thoughts when she got mad just because the kids were being who they were or who they needed to be. 

All I can do is hope that we did some good together and that we changed a life or two. 

Email sent!

Done!

I'm not going back. I'm not going to see the kids anymore. I'm not going to see them grow and soar. I'm not going to see the staff who are my friends. I'm not going to see the kid's parents anymore. I’m not going to wear the assistant director's hat anymore. I’m not going to sit next to who I thought was my best friend anymore and make a difference. I’m not going to be exploited anymore. That’s what one employee called it and I never saw it that way until I realized my autism enhanced her business as she sent me on speaking engagements for the growth of her school. 

So much loss.

So much hurt and pain.

All those years for it to end like this.

"Damn her!"

Click.

"WHAT?!" I screamed.

So typical.

I had only two sentences left in me after I read the response from my boss. A response that she had her secretary carefully write, placing each word so I felt them going into my heart.  Words from a person who I thought believed in me as much I believed in her. Words from a person who would place her entire business into my hands for months at a time.

I could attack her with my words. I could hurt her and make a list of the things that she did to me, but I didn't feel that level of anger. I felt a hurt and a pain that scarred my soul as I typed the last words, we would ever have with each other.

There is only one reason I left.

You no longer trusted me.