Love on Line

Love Life On-Line

Sitting in Costa Coffee on my own it is hard not to listen to other people’s conversation. I love people watching and listening I am SOOO nosey. But this time was so intriguing as I connected to the girl talking to her sister and friend. I could relate as she was talking about her experience of dating.

Why, if they are single, do some men and women feel like they are just half a person? a blonde girl in her late 40s asked another 2 girls around the same age one a little older. I was to find out this girl was Lorraine and she was talking to her sister Wendy and friend Marie. “A plausible explanation could be that they internalized it from tales they heard as children, such as Cinderella or Repunzal.” Wendy her sister stated. “Oh right, Marie her friend angrily replied so the fairy tale, Rapunzel who had to be rescued by a guy climbing up her tower by reeving the hair off her, why didn’t he just get a ladder, lazy git. Was she that desperate for a man, she could have rescued herself and drove off in her mini car and left him standing there.”

 “Well, I feel the most important relationship you should have is with yourself. I discovered this through internet dating. What I was looking for in a man I needed to find in me first. I was looking for a man who would stick up for me, stand by me, who I could trust, who would put me first, someone to love me. All these things I needed to learn to do for me. Little by little I started to do this; it took more guts than one would expect. Putting yourself first is not selfish it is realistic; you cannot love anyone if you do not know how to love yourself,” Lorraine said with gusto. “Too Shay,” the other two lifted their cups in agreement.

“I remember having a crush on Brian Denehy, Lorraine looked thoughtful as she shared her experience, I think it was because he appeared strong and in control. When I was on a dating site, I was sent a message by a guy who looked exactly like him. I was drawn to meeting him and set up a date for a walk along the beach. I told my sister and she said, “oh god this looks promising, I’m putting a deposit on a hat”, she was dying for me to meet someone and be happy,” Lorraine said giving her sister a comforting smile, “he looked like his picture and appeared normal and pleasant when we met. I was getting excited. It was too windy to stay on the beach and he lived right in front of the beach in a little stone cottage, I agreed to go to his place for a coffee and rang sis in front of him giving his car registration and address. We entered the cottage, and it was like New Grange cave, it was dark, small windows and not very clean. I went to the toilet to mark my exit, unfortunately the window was way too small for me to get out, so I went back to the grotty sitting room while he made tea. He was an artist he claimed, and I was sitting opposite a wall with about 20 sketches, I couldn’t work out what the sketches were when suddenly it dawned on me, women’s fanny’s, oh Jesus, that’s what I’m here for. He asked “are you admiring my art work,” I replied sharply, “no just wondering why you didn’t paint their faces,” he said I was closed minded and it is a beautiful part of a woman’s body, he said he loved the individuality of a woman’s vagina, he asked me to pose, I said “the only pose I’m giving you is my ass walking out your broken front door.” He proceeded to show me his colostomy bag as if I weren’t traumatized enough. I said my goodbyes and ran through the dark cave to my car. I rang the sister “Jesus’ sis that was quick, you were only in there ten minutes, what’s the story,” she said amazed, didnt you sis, her sister nodded agreeing. “Well sis,” I said, “get the money back for that hat we are going to need it for a few drinks.” “Oh we laughed so much I woke the kids,” Wendy replied tears rolling down her face.

“Being divorced or separated in Ireland is tough, some friends and even family turn on you. You do not fit in anymore.  Single girls don’t want to invite you to parties because the girl guy ratio will be uneven.” Wendy looked emotional now. “ I wanted to fit in so much that when I met Rob the Rave online, I didn’t look for love or anything else just a stable relationship, Wendy appeared a little embarrassed about what she was sharing.  I did care for him over the years and my boys really liked him, he was good for my son, calming, but he was a right gobshite. I remember asking the guys in work, was it normal for men to wear G-strings, they laughed and said no he is weird. I remember we were living together for 3 years and working together when I got a call from flirty at 8.30, a radio station that matches singles together. The DJ said I have a guy here who says he had been mad about you for years and would like to ask you out, you can go on the date or take 150.00 euro. I was intrigued and overly excited until they connected us on air. “Hello”, he said, I would love to ask you out but I’m too shy,” I nearly died, it was Rob the rave, what was he playing at. I took the 150.00 made a show of him. When he came home, I went mad, he said he was doing it because he wanted to be romantic. It finally came to a head when I realized, he was up to something, so I dialed into his mailbox, at first, I heard nothing then a week later a variety of messages from a Philippine girl were left on his phone, that said, “Rob why you no ring me you say love me den no ring me why Rob.” I finished it and heard he got engaged online to someone he never met; Wendy took a sip of her coffee looking exhausted from sharing that story. She went on to say, “So, it was back to online dating. Friends would say after a series of dates, “are you being too choosey”, others would say, “you need to higher your standards girl.” Most men on the site were what women had thrown out, very few women let go of a good man, and good father. Some men were still living with their mothers at 50 years of age, others still lived with their wives. One guy sent a message after chatting for a while, “here’s my number I really need to talk to you,” intrigued I dialled the number hoping my soul mate to would be on the other end of the phone. “how ye, I was wonderin can ye help me, I bought a badatoe peeler in Tesco’s and was wonderin how to use it, you being a woman an all.” Seriously what do you say to that.”  Wendy was on a role now. Marie chimed in, “Ye a lot of men were in the rag trade or something as they always wanted to know my bra size. Another guy felt his mother was getting in between us as I wouldn’t meet him because he was still living at home, I was worried he would push her down the stairs just so I would date him”, Marie looked terrified at the thought of this.   

Wendy lifted her cup and took a sip, “It amazed me how confident some men where even when they had nothing to offer. Women on the other hand felt they had to have beautiful bodies, be great in bed, and have no baggage for a man to take them on. One guy had twelve kids, but he made himself out to be a hero. He said his wife was an alcoholic and he had to leave her. He talked about how awful life was with her. How she would fall around the place drunk, and he would clean up her vomit and look after the kids. Finally, he said he left her. When I worked it out, he left her when five of his kids were under five. Poor kids were left to pick the pieces up, that’s what you’re up against,” Wendy smiled wryly.   

Lorraine suddenly remembered, “guys will you ever forget when I met Don he appeared to be such a loving man. I met him in town he was getting the train from Galway, I admired him for coming all the way from Galway to see me. When I saw him, I was impressed he had very large hands, don’t know why but I like that in a man. He had lots of hair and was well groomed. He had a young face but was the same age as me. He went to the bar to get me a drink, he did not drink himself. He wore a lovely white shirt, wasn’t mad about his genos, a bit old fashioned. We talked, well I think I talked allot as he was very quiet, I put that down to being a culchie. He would not let me put my hand in my pocket, was really impressed with this, as usually I got, “well, your round.” We arranged to meet again, which we did and had an equally nice night. After a few dates he invited me to Galway for a weekend.   He said he loved antiques and had many antiques at home. We had a lovely weekend, but he did say a few odd things that I chose to ignore, big mistake. The weekend came to an end and Don said he had something he wanted to give to me. He said he was abroad for a few years and had acquired an antique ring, gold Cartier diamond ring. He wanted to give it to me as he said I brought him so much happiness that he had never experienced before.  He had a very hard life; his father was very cruel to him. His father was being cared for by his mother who had long suffered the wroth of her husband, but he was now dying of cancer. Don too had been diagnosed with cancer and refused to go back to the hospital. He also lost his fiancé, who was amazingly beautiful like something out of a magazine, (literally). She came off the train to meet him and fell into his arms and died from a brain hemorrhage. He wanted me to have this ring, as a friendship ring. He said it was worth 10000 euro, I refused as I did not want to feel he had a tie to me. He promised me he would go back to the hospital if I took the ring. I agreed but although it was so beautiful, I knew it wasn’t mine to keep. It was way too big and uncomfortable to wear, He wanted to send it off to get it measured but I said leave it for now and we stuck Sellotape around it to keep it on. I sent a picture to the Sis, “Jayus Sis look what Don gave me, I’m not keeping it but isn’t it lovely,” I said, she was so excited, “looks expensive, little bitch you hang onto him,”. “ye he said it’s worth 10000”. Do you remember sis we thought I had met the man of my dreams instead it was man of my nightmares, all three laughed so loud peopled turned to have a look. "Sussh guys ye never know who knows him, Ireland is so small," Lorraine stated cautiously. Lorraine went on with her story, " Don went back to the hospital, and he was booked in to have an operation. I invited him to my home so I could spoil him before he went hospital; I bought him a beautiful Claddagh ring as a sign of our friendship. During his visit we went for a meal where he suddenly stated that he had visions of the Virgin Mary, he also stated that he could smell incense off himself, he asked me to close my eyes and take a deep breath, suddenly, I could smell incense, I look back now, and God I was one gullible eejet. He also told me about a gypsey who visited him in the church and gave him a rose ten years ago, he said the rose is still fresh, and he was worried that someday the rose might start to wither and wilt and he would die. Good God wait till sis hears this. I stayed friends with him until his operation was over then I distanced myself. My brother knew a lot about jewlery and when I told him about the ring he said “you cannot be wearing that with selotape you need to bring it to a jewler and get it insurance.” I felt a bad as I only spent 380 on his claddagh ring it was top of the range but still compared to 10000 ring. I think I ran all the way to the jeweller, out of breath I handed it to him, he called others over as he inspected the ring. “Love is this your engagement ring,”, no, I said, it’s a present from an admirer, big grin on my face. “Thank god, he said because I would give you 55.00 euro for it new”. “jesus Lorraine, Marie stated, “you didn’t even take a breath telling that story,” but it serves you right for being greedy,” and they all threw back their heads and laughed. I was compelled to find out what happened to Rob, did the rose wilt, and what would he say about how he was portrayed today by three single women in Costa Coffee.