Events Following a Forgotten Conversation

I saw a man face-down on the street, motionless, as I was driving back home. It was not his motionless state, nor the fact that he was dead that surprised me. Nothing about him surprised me really. People die every day. I was not even sure if this person was dead at first. But then I noticed his brain, or what looked like his brain, smeared across the side of the road where he lay.

I could not remember why I stopped my car. This was a gruesome scene, which did not make me feel any better. But at the same time, a curious sensation kept pulling me towards the body. I had to take a closer look.

I looked intently at the ground. There was a large, thick branch of a tree that lay beside his thrashed head. Trees were aplenty on both sides of the road. I wondered if he was killed by the branch. Maybe it fell straight onto his head. That seemed to be a very remote possibility – the branch was not thick enough to thrash a human head so badly.

Cars were flashing past my parked one. Not a lot of them, though. It was almost one in the morning.

I suddenly realized that a person sitting by the side of the road attending to a dead man’s head was a very suspicious scene. And that also led me to question what I was doing after midnight, outside; I was usually in bed after the 10 PM news.

I tried to remember, but I could not recall anything. The last thing I could remember was walking out of my office, looking at a Eucalyptus tree and having a chat with my co-worker. She went on with great vigor about how these trees were quite harmful to people. The details eluded me, as I was not paying a great deal of attention to what she was saying. She was the one chattering away with great enthusiasm while I kept nodding along and wondering about what I would have for dinner.

Now that I came to think of it, I could not recall having dinner at all. So, what was I doing here, sitting beside a dead body at the side of this road so late at night?

I felt a sudden urgency to return home and have something to eat, even though I did not feel hungry. However, and with the utmost foreboding, I knew I had to finish what I started.

The face of the man was turned towards the lonely, dusty road. I turned his head towards me.

I froze.

It was my own face.

Panic gripped my chest; my lungs fought for air, and my fists clenched involuntarily, as if trying to defy the reality unfolding before me. Was this a nightmare? It felt so real, I could feel the blood in my own hands, the blood that gushed down from the unfortunate head that no longer had most of its brain inside it – and more unfortunately, possessed a face that resembled mine.

Somehow, after some time, which may have been anything between a couple of minutes or hours, I started to recover. I feebly tried to believe that it was not a big deal. Maybe a similar faced person did exist, and he died. Poor guy.

Cars kept speeding past mine. I just sat there, doing nothing. My hands were bloody, but I did not want to get rid of the blood.

Then, everything started to fade.

***

I woke up to see Miss Lily, my neighbor, with a mingled look of concern and annoyance on her face. She was sitting beside me and mopping a towel soaked with water on my head. I understood what was happening.

She asked me, “Forgot to take the medicine?”

I lied, “Yes.” I did not forget to take my medicine. I chose not to take it.

I gave her time to mop my head again and asked, “Another seizure?”

She replied coldly, “Yes. Will you go to the doctor?”

“No.”

***

Weekends had always been lonely for me. They felt lonelier these days, however, ever since Esha decided to break up with me. I used to go out with her on the weekends. I was never nearly as enthusiastic about our dates as she was. To me, going out with her meant I had something to do, and I did not have to sit at home feeling miserable while doing nothing.

Our dates were not very lengthy, though. We used to meet up at a restaurant or some coffee place and spend an hour or so together. She was someone who loved talking, expressing herself with immense passion and energy. I listened to her. I never really offered much from my part. She used to be in charge of all the conversation and I would nod along, and after a while, she would run out of topics to talk about. Then she would tell me that she needed to go home. We would kiss, and then return to our places separately.

I felt lonely even then. An hour over two whole days was nearly not enough to be immersed in. But I tried to make the most of it. I used to spend a lot of time deciding my outfit for our date, and the little gift that I would take with me for her. I decided on the gifts which would make me spend more time getting them. Now that we were not together, I could not do all those things that kept me occupied over the weekends.

Esha broke up with me because she felt I did not care about her. I could not deny it, though I wanted to tell her that it was not her fault. I wanted her to know that I did not, or rather could not care about anything, it was not that I just did not care about her.

I never got to tell her, though. She was fairly calm when she told me she would not be seeing me anymore. I was calm as well, and when I saw that she did not look sad, I felt relieved. We talked as usual that day, and I had a good time with her. Just as she was getting in her cab that day, however, I saw her eyes were wet. It made me feel a bit sad, and I contemplated ever since if I should have told her that it was not her fault.

It did not really matter now. I just missed having something to do on my weekends. It was excruciating at times. I had nothing to do, I felt empty and drained, and I even had trouble sleeping.

Sometimes I just wished for one of my epileptic seizures. The powerful grasp of that mysterious force that took me away to a place of no lights and no thoughts, left me disoriented every time. I could not remember where I was, and I could not care. The feeling of loneliness would not be there anymore, as I would become completely numb for some time. It felt better that way, staring at something that my brain would not register. Shapeless thoughts would linger around my head, and I would escape the feeling of having nothing to do for a while.

***

I worked through the whole day at my office trying to forget that it was another Friday. But as the clock struck 5, I had to face reality. Two more days with nothing to do.

I went to the office canteen and had a snack, even though I was not hungry. It was 5.30 in the afternoon when I finished. When I got outside, it was almost evening.

Abruptly, a voice broke my thoughts, "See that Eucalyptus tree?"

I scanned my surroundings and noticed Tania, a new colleague who had joined that day. Her presence had escaped my notice in the office, but under the brilliant red sunlight of the imminent evening, she appeared like a radiant young woman. Not really curious, I responded, "Yes. What about it?"

Tania then went through a plethora of detrimental characteristics of that tree that I could not understand, partly because I was thinking about what I should have for dinner, and how I could spend some time getting to prepare my dinner. We walked and talked for a while. Then I reached my car.

I asked Tania out of modesty, “Do you want a lift?”

She replied, “No, I’m all right. My boyfriend will be here soon. We’ll go together. It was nice of you to offer me a ride, though.”

“Well, it was nice of you to tell me all about Eucalyptus trees.”

She chuckled, “I’m sorry, I just get a bit too excited when I talk about certain things. I hope I didn’t bore you to death.”

I shook my head, “Not at all. But to be honest, I couldn’t understand most of the things you said anyway.”

She smiled. “Don’t worry about it. I repeat stuff I’m passionate about anyway, so you’ll soon have all of it memorized, haha. For now, just remember Eucalyptus trees are no good, okay?”

I nodded, and went to open the door to my car. But suddenly, I felt something strike my heart. I was filled with fear for no reason at all. I thought I remembered something about the tree, and the chat, but I could not figure out what was so scary about that. My heart was pounding, and I could feel my body shaking. I tried to compose myself, and quickly tried to think about what I had to do the next day.

Fear turned to sadness when I remembered that it was Friday. My heart slowly calmed down. I tried to decide what I would have for dinner. I could not think of anything straight away, so I decided to just go on a drive and see what happened. Before I went off, I looked one last time outside through the window.

The sun had almost set. It was not red anymore. I could see Tania chattering on her phone, and in the somewhat violet rays of the setting sun, she did not look as radiant as before. I remembered the chat we had, and I remembered her promise of enlightening me more about Eucalyptus trees. Somehow, I felt I would love nothing more than listening to her chatting away about the things I did not care in the slightest about.