A Dark Tale

I see him there. Yes, he will do. I will kill him. The way he sits on the bench in the middle of the day, I wonder does he know that tonight will be his last. Has he said his farewell to those he loves? His wife, no doubt, for I see his wedding band on his finger. And his children. What of them? Will he even be missed? The way he sits there reading the paper, as if he hadn't had a care in the world. I bet he reads of me. Reads of the murders. Oh God, I would kill him now if it wasn't for the people of the town passing by. But I am no fool. This is not my first. I’ve murdered many. Some men drink or lust or gamble. I do not stoop down so low. I simply take those I choose. Best to get it out my heart. And I will get it out of my heart tonight. Look at him. With his slick-backed hair and well-trimmed mustache, spectacles hanging on his nose, just sitting there. Oh God, the way he sits. I can't stand it! 

It seems he is getting ready to leave now. Yes, he is standing up and buttoning his coat. I will follow. I wonder where he is going, a whore house I presume. The scoundrel. Now I am glad he will live no more. I am doing his lovely wife a favor. I’m sure she will be glad of it. The children too will be rid of their no-good father. The man walked like he read his paper, leisurely. I followed him three blocks down the street making sure I kept my distance. He wasn’t very tall, but he was quite muscular. I don’t want him aware of me until it is too late. Until my dagger is deep in his back. He paused and looked at a building and then went inside as I quickly followed and seen that it was a church. 

There weren’t many people inside. Only a few people sitting down in the pews praying. The church was very large, and I could taste the dust in the air as if this place had been here forever. The man sat down in the front pew next to another man. The other man was much taller and wore at top hat. He doesn’t even have the decency to take it off in a church. Maybe I should kill him instead. No, my mind is made up. I sat in the back watching the two talk. I wonder what they are discussing. The man I followed here seemed to be distressed and I could see tears in his eyes. Now that I think about it this may not be such a bad fellow after all. Maybe he’s a good husband and father. Maybe he wants to be better. Have I misjudged? Why does my heart ache when I look at this man? Is it because I am a terrible person? Why can’t I be like this good man? Oh God forgive me. I am a sinful man. Unlike him, I am rotten to the core. My soul black as hell. Yes. I will change my heart. I will kill no more, doing only good to others. But the more I look at him the more my blood swims. My heart pounds heavily. The urge. I want his life. No stop. I won’t. I will leave this good man alone. He has a wife and children who will miss him dearly. It’s as if my soul is torn in two. I know I should leave this place and not turn back. I’ve taken too many from their loved ones. I won’t harm him. 

He gets up from his seat. Just let him pass. Don’t make any eye contact. Just look down. He’s passing by. He stops. What are you doing you fool? Leave. Why has he stopped? I look up and he is standing right next me staring with a smile. 

“Hello friend. Is everything alright” he asked. 

 “Y... Yes, I am fine” I managed. 

“You’re sweating very hard sir. Are you sure?” 

“I’m fine” I said covering my mouth with my hand. 

“Everything will get better” he said patting me on the shoulder. 

I didn't respond. The man nodded and walked away. Oh God why do you torment me so? It’s as if you want me to.... yes. Yes, I see now. You want me to fall short, to relapse. Well, I won't do it. I’ve made up my mind. I’m turning my life around tonight. I hear the man's footsteps grow farther away. I stand up and take a deep breath but, I feel the hilt of my dagger poking me. I reach my hand in my coat and hold it and think about all the people I've taken with it. Yet I can feel it's warmth. It’s familiar grooves. It’s as if it is calling to me. Yes, I can see it now plunged deep into the man’s back. The man! Have I lost him? Where has he gone? I quickly leave the church. It’s dark out. I look both ways. I see him there, passing under the streetlamp. I jog a bit to catch up. The roads are quiet and not many people passing by. I will do it soon. Yes, I will kill him. Good man or no, he will be killed tonight, passing from this world. Look at him. He thinks he is safe from harm, not even looking behind him. Has he not read about me in the paper? How I’ve killed many people. Or is he a fool for overlooking it? Does he not know that death is trailing him? Never again will he see his wife or kids. Never again will he visit that church and speak to that man. Never again will he sit at the bench and read the paper. I hope he has made his peace with God. He turns a corner. I can feel my blood rushing. I can see it now, his blood pouring out. Yes, this is it. I will kill him now.  

I pull my dagger out and turn the corner. There he is. I close in on him but, he spins around holding a gun in his hand. 

“Drop the weapon” he screamed. 

He was an officer of the law. An agent of the crown. I see now. He knew who I was all along. He lured me into a trap. Bastard. I didn’t move. It seems that I’ve been caught. But he’s made a fatal mistake. I am close enough to kill him still. I grip my dagger tight. I will kill. I will kill tonight. Suddenly, I hear another gun clock behind me. It was the tall man from the church. His partner I presume. They both played me. How? 

“I said drop the weapon” he screamed louder. 

I can’t possibly kill them both, but I must kill. I’ve made up my mind. I will kill tonight. 

“This is my last time. Drop the knife or I will shoot you dead.” 

I smiled. That man. He thinks he and his partner have bested me. I refuse. I’ve made up my mind. 

“I will kill tonight” I screamed at him. 

I turned the dagger to myself.