ROOM 132

Content warning: Physical intimacy, emotional manipulation

Here we were, on a Friday night in the middle of time square arguing. My lover has been placing an enormous amount of pressure on me to leave my boyfriend of five years. As much as I would love to be with him, it’s Christmas time for heaven's sake. The fact that he is my boyfriend's best friend doesn't make this any better. I feel horrible but have gone too far down the road to turn back. Part of me feels like I have always wanted to be with Micah, but somehow Nairobi is the one who pushed up on me first. The way I see it, we all deserve to live our best lives. But at what cost? “Robi” as we affectionately call him will not only be losing his girlfriend, but his best friend too. I honestly don't have it in me to go through with telling Robi yet. I need more time. I have been stalking because I think after the holidays make more sense. Micah and I are so compatible. We have the same interest. We love music, live concerts, walks in the park and really enjoy being outdoors. Robi is more of Netflix and chill kind of guy. He hates concerts and isn't big on hanging out unless it’s somewhere he has already visited. For a while, I thought it was ok. But then I began to yearn for more. I like to get dressed up and go out dancing. But Robi not so much. I think over time Micah began to see my discontent. We used to double date with Micah and his different girlfriends. Micah always seems to be the life of the party. Don't get me wrong Nairobi used to be way more exciting than he is now. We used to do more in the early days. But somehow, he just became too comfortable with and around me. Taking me for granted. We even stopped being physically intimate. I think that's what really changed things for me. Nairobi works long hours as a financial consultant. He comes home after long days and is content sitting in the couch binge watching vampire movies. That’s cool. That used to be our thing but is that it? Where is the romance? So how things began with Micah & I was so subtle and unexpected. One day while working out at the local gym down the street, I saw Micah. I mean really saw Micah. Sweat dripping from the curves of his biceps. The way his muscles contracted when he would lift the weights. I developed a crush on him. I thought he was cute. I mean they both are. I don't think initially he noticed me in this way but somehow, we'd both ended up working out on the same days of the week. Monday, Wednesday & Friday. Neither of us acknowledging how weird or awkward it was that this routine started, but steadily showing up on those days and times. The irony is, a little over five years ago the three of us met here at the gym. If memory serves me correctly, I was on the Stairmaster when Nairobi got on the one next to me. Though Nairobi was more forward with his actions to get on the machine next to me. It was Micah who spoke to me first. He said something like "please don't shame my friend too bad". I smiled and Robi laughed too. After clearing the machine, I was on my way to the water fountain when Micah came towards me with a cold bottled water. He said it was from his friend and pointed towards Nairobi. I smiled and thanked his friend for the gesture. There was something in Micah's eyes that said way more to me than the just water from his friend. Micah however never made a move and so Robi eventually asked me out on a date. It was almost like he let Robi have me. Nairobi and I didn't start dating right away. It actually took a few more bump ins at the gym before Nairobi ultimately asked for my number. Funny though on occasion Micah has jokingly said to Robi, "man I let you have her" We always laugh about it when we revisit how I met them. I feel like there was some truth to Micah’s remark. After three months of us working out together, one day Micah abruptly ran out of the gym. I was concerned thinking he'd come back but he didn't. This particular day, I was quite distracted and could not really focus on my work out. I decided to leave maybe twenty or so minutes after Micah. The weather was horrible. It was raining pretty hard off and on. If you know anything about New York, you know that a fall day with rain can easily double as a winter day with the right gust of wind. As I proceeded down the three flights of stairs, I noticed down at the bottom of the stairs was Micah. As I neared him, I saw the look he gave me when he gave me the water the day we met. We looked in each other's eyes like long lost lovers. He handed me a fob key and told me to meet him at the address on the fob. Then he ran out the door. I stood there stunned but very intrigued as I watched him do a light jog dodging in and out between cars to get across the street. At first, I thought he was going into the car lot that took up most of the street. But as I followed, I watched him walk through the turnstile of the Marriot in times square. I began to get jitters. My stomach was nervous, and I felt as though I needed to use the bathroom. What was about to happen, I wanted to know. I contemplated just going home and forgetting this ever happened. I reasoned with myself that nothing had actually happened. I dashed out in the rain and made a left out of the building. I was heading towards the number two train heading uptown, when my feet took over and simulated the jog that Micah made as he ran across the street. I ran in the hotel nervous wet and flustered. In the lobby Micah was by the elevator bank holding the doors opened for me. I ran in the elevator with my hoodie pulled tightly over my head. As if to be hiding from someone. In the elevator alone, we looked at each other. Our eyes were communicating what we couldn't seem to say in words. Shockingly Micah began kissing me passionately. We got to the 12th floor and walked to room 132. Micah unlocked the door with his fob. Needless to say, there was not much talking going on. After the deed was done, I felt guilty, but I also felt a deep connection with Micah. He was sensual and loving towards me. He made me feel special. Something Robi stopped doing. I started to think of all the reasons why Robi and I were not compatible. One big reason was Robi didn't want kids. I did and so did Micah. Robi was no longer feeding the woman or desire in me and Micah was. I realized that I wasn't being fair to Robi or Micah. I didn't want to hurt Robi, but I didn't want to lose Micah. Sometimes I would have dreams that included Nairobi finding out. I would even wake up feeling like a weight was lifted off me. Only to be reminded that it was just a dream. The reality was that the biggest holiday was fast approaching. Nairobi had his parents and younger sibling's coming over for Christmas dinner. No way could I tell him now. Micah's argument was based on the fact that I have told him twice that I would break it off with Nairobi. He felt that if I didn't do it now, I never would. Micah said that I wasn't being fair to anyone involved. He kept on about me having my cake and eating it too. I hated that saying because who wants cake they can't eat. I understood where he was coming from, but I also wondered how and why was he rushing to hurt his best friend? I mean he'd be losing his best friend of ten plus years. Was I worth that? So here were outside in the cold in front of our meeting spot arguing. We'd just finished sharing the most tender moments in each other's embrace and not soon as we were about to head in separate directions Micah asked, "how much longer can we keep meeting up in secrecy"? killing the mood. Micah threatened to tell Robi because he said that as a man its the right thing to do. Micah said that what we're doing was bad enough but to have allowed it to go for so long was a choice that we were making. Suddenly I began to feel sick. Micah grabbed me and we walked together back into the hotel. Micah always booked the hotel for twenty-four stays, but we never spent the night. Well, I never did. Thinking back, I thought of how I tried to end it. Not with Robi but with Micah. I tried to go back to us before the affair but couldn't. My soul would ache for him. It wasn't just physical intimacy, but more mental intimacy. Micah got me. He understood me. When we were alone, we would sometimes finish each other sentences. His drive was big like mine. He wanted to be successful. Nairobi was a brain. Intelligent, intellectual but he was comfortable working for someone, and Micah and I both wanted to be our own bosses. Times when I tried to end things with Micah, it was tough. Especially when he would still come to the house. Game night always was hosted by me and Nairobi. Micah would show up with someone he'd either just met or someone from his black book's past. Sometimes I enjoyed the game that was being played by me and Micah. The mystery of our affair. Then other times I'd be partially jealous that Micah was there with someone. There were times I could hack it. Other times I would pretend to be sick and retire to my room shortly after Micah and whoever he came with arrived. I knew this game would end. I didn't want to hurt Nairobi, but I did not want to lose Micah. Micah was my soulmate. At least that's what I thought. Micah wanted to tell Nairobi and hope that Nairobi would one day forgive him. I didn’t see that happening. We went back to the room for what I thought was a few minutes but turned out to be longer. It was getting late, and I knew this conversation was not going to end well. Micah had this look in his eyes. I told him that Nairobi would be getting home soon, and I should get going. Micah held me in his arms and whispered "I LOVE YOU" to me. It was the first time he said it. I was happily surprised. I didn't want to say it back because I didn't want to appear phony. I felt very much in love with him. I just felt that there was no need for me to say it just because he did. Micah knew my feelings for him and that was enough. We kissed and I said i should leave now. I didn’t want a kiss to lead to more and I not be home when Micah came in. We walked back to the elevator, then outside where Micah summoned a cab for me. Micah warned as I got in the car, "If you don't tell him then I will". Softly I looked him in his eyes as he leaned in the car's window and said "No, Don't". I'll do it. I promise. I closed the window and the cab drove off into the fall evening’s night.