I am free

"They want you dead."

"Not all of them," Vian counters.

It's true, though. By staying alive I am putting everyone in grave danger. Even the government threatened to drop nuclear weapons on the city.

"Just think about it," James nods to me and then walks away.

I watch his figure limp towards the sliding glass door, his black hair ruffling in the wind. He pulls it open and steps inside the apartment.

"Getting worse," his whole body shifts and he grunts when he walks now. "Maybe he's right."

"No, Rae, stop-"

"All those people, safe, finally?" It's a question that I ask him, though I don't think he wants to give me up, "But for all those people?"

I watch the waves lick the shore, the rocks sparkling with ocean life and foam. The surf is excited tonight, the peak of the waves, towering high. It's funny how some waves are big and some, small.

"You're different," his voice cracks.

I swallow.

"I can't give you up."

We've been on the overhang for a while now, watching the ocean and the whales playing in the distance. Far off you can see the shadows of the Capital's military boats. They're waiting for the right time to kill and destroy my home, Bizton.

I've lived in Bizton for as long as I can remember. From when I was a little girl, I've walked the streets or rode on my pink bike with streamers flapping from the end of the rubber handles. "This is my home," something inside me breaks and I fight back the tears, "I wouldn't want to see it get hurt."

Vian says nothing. We just stand and stare out at the ocean and the squawking seagulls, and the sun shining above. It's peaceful this way. When there's quiet between us it's always peaceful, and I wish I could say the same about Bizton and the Capital. We've been at war ever since Vian and I started training our own troops.

It was unfair, though, how the Capital had treated us. Last year, when the season for taxes rolled around and we came up short about a thousand dollars, the government retaliated. They sent in those awful troops with their black suits and their big guns. They chased the woman and children from the streets, shot dad's walking back from work. They terrorized us and it only seemed fair that we started to stand up for ourselves. And, it hadn't been the first time the Capital did something like that.

Vian and I have been leading the raids against the camps the Capital's troops have set up. Initially, the other civilians voted Vian's father as their leader, but after he was killed in one of the raids, Vian took his place, and I, beside him.

"They want you dead too," I watch the way this information sinks in to Vian. His body goes rigid for a moment and then he relaxes.

"So you understand?"

I hate to admit it, "Yes, but-"

"Rae," he holds up a hand, "stop."

The Capital is stronger than Bizton. "All those people," I protest. "And I'm just one person!"

A fire flares in Vian's hazel eyes, "I said no."

I love Vian, I truly do, "Just stop being so selfish!"

I've said it. He stops, and he stares into my heart, my soul. "Is," he chokes, "is that what you want?" His shoulders drop, his fists unclench, "Fine."

I watch him pull out the dagger from his belt, thinking he'll hand it to me, but he takes it and throws it far into the ocean. I watch it splash into the raging water, disappearing in the sea.

"I never saw it, I never will see it," he shakes his head, breathing deeply, "and I won't help you…" he trails off, a tear dribbling down his cheek.

He doesn't want to, but he's letting me do it. I will make it fast. I will do it for the people I love, and the people I fight for. I will not die in vain, but I'll die with purpose. When Vian tells the troops of my death, it'll make them stronger, and, hopefully, when Vian follows my lead, Bizton will be free along with the rest of the country.

"I don't want to let you go."

"You don't have to," I bring his face to mine, and we exchange the only real thing left, love. "I'm letting you go."

I rush past Vian, bumping his shoulder as I go. I'll never see him again, and I don't know what hurts more, the pain I feel for leaving him, or the pain of knowing what has to be done. But it's over, I tell myself. But it's not. I will think of Vian when I bring the gun up to my head, I will think of Vian and the first time we met, I will think of Vian when he stopped me from leaping off the pier when I was ten.

My life has been a battle. Mentally, the anxieties of my life were growing stronger, thankfully Vian was there to anchor me. But now that's gone. I swipe at a tear as I slide the glass door closed, not looking back because then I'll never move forward.

I run to the room that James told me would be mine. It has a large shelf overstocked with tremendous volumes that keep on giving information, themes, motives, and lessons. My fingertips bump along the spines as I kiss the books a final goodbye. I can't believe I'm doing this.

From my dresser I grab the gun, polished and clean. I stuff it into the side of my jeans. I don't want to do this. I have to do this.

So, now, with the memory of Vian and my family, and the weight of the gun stuffed into the side of my jeans, I leave the apartment and take my last run. Memories from my childhood flood the empty chamber of my heart, the heart that was broken too many times to count. I'm filled with hope, with a purpose, with love.

When I get to the cliff overlooking Bizton and the ocean and the pink colored sky as the sun sets I take my final breath before plunging into the sea of black that is soon lit, with a powerful light. Like a fire from the sky, I am free.