A Forgotten Future...

“Back in my day….”

Oh boy….here he goes, every single time whenever I am supposed to serve his obligatory cup of evening chai!

And every single time, it’s such a chore! Either it’s about how swift he was in his old job at the post office. Remembering almost every single detail from every single task he did. Or how he savored the dishes he used to have so thoroughly, from a restaurant that closed a few years back and the one that he used to be a regular customer of.

Honestly, for someone as senior in age as himself, one would expect him to be a bit more considerate and mindful of the environment around him. Be able to read the room. It’s a pretty reasonable expectation to hold, I feel. But….no! At this point, I am not even sure whether he is doing all this intentionally with a sense of smugness that no one would dare contest him in any way due to his age or everything that he might had learnt so far, is gradually slipping away from his grasp, due to being old.

Regardless, I am stuck either ways. Not like I’ve got anything better to do, anyway…

“Are you listening to me, boy!? Learn to listen, it might do some good for you.”

“Sorry about that, sir…”

“Now, I’ll have to start all over again! Words have weight, lad. Overtime, you’ll learn to be shrewd with them with such a realization.

Anyhow, what was I talking about? Oh yes….that lovely interaction that I had with this wonderful person! Something about today’s weather reminded me of that day. Oh, if I could only experience them all over again, clueless and young, as how I was back then.”

Great….now I am an audience to some trivial, probably uneventful conversation from his youth. Could this evening get any more boring!?

“It was peak summer. The weather was unbearable. It was June, I think? No no….somewhere around the end of May.

I was in my college vacation. Semester break. My mother used to pressurize me to do some course or attend workshops. My classmates were on a frenzy to land some internships. Whereas, I was too lost, unmotivated and disillusioned to pursue any of them. Why slave away to some large entity that takes your service for granted and throw you out like chewing gum once they’re done with you, when you don’t even have an interest in what you’re pursuing to begin with? For my class advisor, it was all part of the ‘learning experience’, a means for me to go out and see the ‘real world’ outside. I was burnt out enough already to do anything. That’s the point of a vacation, don’t you agree?”

“I guess so…”, huh, old man used to be a slacker…

“It was my third year in that program that my parents enrolled me onto without respecting my input. Gradually but very noticeably, all of my batch mates, most of whom were good friends with me, as were most of them with one another in general, started to become increasingly ‘alien’, becoming unrecognizable, by the time of graduation. All that innocence and individuality having eroded away from them. As, there was this realization of becoming a grown-up and that omnipresent pressure that ensured it never gets forgotten.

Competition used to be insane. All of us, 120 in number, doing the same program in order to end up for the same thing that probably 10% or so of us might actually get. And that’s excluding all other students from different batches and institutions. And here I was, in all of this, feeling like I had no place thus, ending up wanting to not try at all!”

Big deal! At least, he got to attend college. Can’t say the same for myself or for most folks my age. What would I do to study an undergraduate program!

“With all this pressure and expectations, I wanted to get away from life. Unwind myself and savor the moment before it goes away…

Almost, all my friends were busy trying to be adults, it was a hot day for me to venture out and so, I turned on the AC, thought of playing some video games but, with the boys not around, didn’t feel like playing an online session.”

Honestly? I have no clue where he’s getting into with all of this! Need to bail out of this asap…

“Umm, sir….your drink, it’s getting cold.”

“Pay attention to what I’m sharing with you, boy! You could always make me another cup if you’re so concerned about it getting cold!”

On second thought…

“And so, I decided to browse the internet for videos. Got bored real quick. Been a while since I logged in to my social media account.”

“MySpace?”

“What? No! That place was a ghost town around this time, I am surprised that you kids even know by its name….I meant Reddit.”

“ ’Read it’? How come I’ve never heard of this place? Was it some sort of a forum for books and reading?”

“Potentially, yes. It did have a space for bookworms. But, it’s scope was way beyond that. You could participate in a discussion with pretty about anything, any place and with almost anyone. From reading to gaming to politics. And within them, numerous niche and ‘underground’ communities for certain genres or book series or ideologies…

The place had its issues, sometimes it came across as close-minded for all its emphasis on democracy and sharing of ideas and thoughts. The numerous communities within came across as hostile and antagonistic with one another even, at times. Not willing to listen to the other’s arguments and proposals, for all its encouragement and stance on partaking in civil discussions.

But, I am going on a tangent here. That wasn’t what I wanted to talk about…

When I logged into Reddit that evening, it had been almost 6 or so months since my last activity on that site. Was busy with my coursework but more importantly, wanted to take a break away from all the discussions and news that were shared…..felt it was affecting my grades and my mental health.

I was so bored that day. There used to be this old cartoon that had become obscure over time. Great show but, got cancelled abrupt. For a long time I wanted to ask as to why it wasn’t given a chance, despite being so good. The news articles that tried to cover it, did not provide me a satisfactory answer. Reddit had this knack for offering insightful (and often overlooked) explanations and opinions that one might have trouble finding from mainstream, even professional sources. Hence, I was naturally tempted to ask there.

There was a Reddit community for that show, small but dedicated. Eager and enthusiastic as how I was about all of it. The moment I posted there, I received comments citing answers that I already knew. Some just came to lament about such a good show getting cancelled. In the end, there were good answers but most of them were just guessing and speculation since the show’s creators were too tight-lipped to acknowledge any of them.

And, that’s when someone sent a message to me in private chat. Feeling how I’d articulated pretty much whatever they felt. They asked me what other shows that I was a fan of. And so, began a chat that lasted till the wee hours of midnight. From cartoons, the topic diverged to movies and later the chat ended with her explaining what she was doing with her life, as I had disclosed the same to her, a few exchanges back.”

Pfft….what makes him think that I care about all this conversation he had with someone years back? Man is lonely due to his age and is desperate to establish connections with me, I guess.

“I can still remember that exchange….almost as if it happened not long back. Funny, considering I am having trouble recalling conversations that happened as recently as the ones from a month or so back.

I confessed to her as to how lost I was in my life. The path I was going forward at the moment, seemed to have no destination for the likes of me, at the end. And how much expectations! My parents were postgraduates, and in turn, their parents were highly qualified too. College used to be a luxury once upon a time but, around the time I was in my teenage years, it pretty much became a basic requirement.

Possessing no qualifications beyond school meant you were a deadbeat loser who was unfit to exist. That certainly was not I had in mind, to ruin my family’s legacy. Somehow, I needed to finish this course, as much as I saw no use in it!.

And she told me to not be a slave to such expectations. We were living in the golden age of computers. Wherein, one computer was able to communicate instantaneously with the other, distance and region does not matter, certain conditions fulfilled, of course…..”

Great…I definitely have to prepare another cup for him, now. Since, it’s gotten stale. He seems to have gotten carried away with his musings, again!!….

Besides, this just makes me feel all the more envious. On how such luxuries was but a mundane part of his youth!

“She then told me what I had trouble phrasing out in words. That, till that point in my life, I was made to go down paths that I never had a say on. Despite living at a time when the conventional, oft-traveled one by many, gradually became worn-out and thus, it almost seemed like many, if not all, even forgot where it was supposed to be heading. Despite it being clear and straightforward.

She told me to stray away from it, find ones that had long been forgotten or routes that others were too vary of using. The conventional one was the safe path, wherein one gets to traverse it, adversaries and hardships barely, if at all, confronts them, on their journey.

The unconventional and unheard had them abundant, probably with every single step, even. But hardships and trials are often the ones that exposes one for who they are, with every instance stripping them of the barrier that they were so comfortable in. The vulnerability making them more cautious and making them count each and every step that they might take. They cease to move from one point to another in those instances, they actually are forced to travel and explore, instead.

This made me realize what I wanted to do. So what, if I ended up lost even more or worse, even fall into some uncharted trap? I had nothing to lose….no one was dependant on me in any sense, I had no responsibilities to shoulder but that of my own, personal ones.

And thus, I decided to seek paths less travelled…

Initially, my journey was directionless. Tried doing things that I thought I was good at, none of them caught on, a case of bad luck, overestimation of myself or both. Writing, podcast, YouTube…..it was like I was missing a puzzle piece that made me be good or successful, or both, in them.

But then, I started sharing some illustrations that I used to do, in my spare time. Fan arts of shows that I used to adore as a child. And the cartoon community on Reddit could not get enough of it! As did her!

It almost felt like for the first time in my life, I actually was operating at full capacity. My body being in harmony with my soul. The heart and the mind, perhaps for the first time in existence, not competing with one another to control me.

I kept churning out like a well-oiled machine. Refining myself and making sure that there was no flaw in what I was doing. Over time, this made me earn money that my batch mates could only dream of and look at me from far off with envy. In a way, I broke the status quo, of both my family’s as well as the one outside.

Respect and adoration was showered upon me, as my fame transcended beyond the humble, small community on Reddit. I was a celebrity of sorts, online!

This status of mine reached the makers of the show. Initially they congratulated me and were very appreciative of me being their big fan. One day, they offered a role in their production : the series was getting revived due to the resurgence in its popularity online! And they told me I was a big part of why it happened too!! A role as its lead storyboard artist!!!

The real world however, still did not know me and about all of this. I started anonymously and gained such reputation remaining in that anonymous state.

I wanted to keep this all a surprise to my folks. Disclose it to them once I won something big. And this role was that ticket for me to reveal what I was doing for almost two years or so since I graduated.

Man, I was almost living the dream. Apart from withholding this revelation, I had one more thing to fulfill that would have made me fully live in it……propose to that wonderful woman who made me discover all this and in the process, myself.”

“What happened after all this?”, is he being for real here? All of this sounds too fantastical!

“The next day I wake up eagerly to confess my feeling towards her and share this good news. Only for me to have trouble accessing the internet. Dismissed it as a minor technical issue, initially. Then, an entire day went without it. And that turned into a week…..all of this was unusual, back then.

No one had any idea what was going on. Was it a major technical meltdown? Unannounced curfew? News was that our neighbors at the other side of the border pulled this off via proxy mercenaries and terrorists. We had no way to tell if this was a malicious rumor or was legit. We were all too dependant on the internet, almost felt like we were handicapped without it.

Before any confirmation could be received, war was declared. Mandatory conscription of anyone above 18. Which got reduced to 15, over the years, as it kept on going. By the time young men were deployed into the front lines, it did not matter as to why we entered into a war in the first place. Selfish interests hijacked what was supposed to be a valid cause. For twelve years did we fight, before an armistice was declared.

The war bankrupted this country, as it did my family. The government dissolved, being too broke to run the nation. Everything fragmented. Some fell into the custody of corporations. Others to that of local leaders. Worse were those that fell under the grasp of powerful criminals. What used to be the norm that we took for granted prior to the war, have all been forgotten…

And so, the rest of my youth and well into my middle ages, were spent trying to make ends meet. To live another day. Doing odd jobs. Infrastructure redevelopment, delivery jobs, since after the collapse, there was huge demand and resurgence in the postal service, volunteer gigs with food and catering etc….

But, never could I pursue again what I once used to be. No one out there knows this, nor will they likely believe. And frankly, no one probably cares enough out there. My fame and reputation fading into obscurity overnight.

Worst of all, I was unable to make my intentions clear to her. And, I was made sure that I never could! I set out on a different path assuming I found my destination when others had trouble finding theirs by taking the conventional path. And yet, was it really the case? Or what if I did reach my destination and am dead since that day, merely existing today and not living?”

Woah…all these times, for the past 2 or so months, I’ve been serving a celebrity?

“I am sorry about the chai, lad. I would ask a fresh cup but… I seemed to have lost my appetite.”

“That’s alright. Well, in that case, I’ll leave for the day and show up tomorrow, as usual. As always, dinner’s prepared.”

“Well, kid…. It’s a shame someone seemingly gifted as yourself is unable to pursue what you probably were meant to. I blame the world around for letting you down. As it did me. The future I was supposed to have, has been all but forgotten…

Anyways, I do not wish to waste your time any further. I take it your salary’s due for this month’s service. Here, come with me, I’ll sort it out.”

Honestly though, can’t believe he used to be actually passionate about something or someone, once upon a time! If only, I had an interest in Arts…I could rekindle it and make himself useful by requesting him to be my mentor. But alas, my interests and goals are different and he from what he had shared with me, he’s probably clueless and not worthwhile. Besides, it’s probably not true for all I know. Probably him getting senile….

“Here you go, I’ve given you extra. This month’s cooking has been exceptional! Go on, you earned it.”

“Ya… sure sir, thank you.”

As I finish counting my notes, I noticed an illustration atop the table, near the entrance of his room (that I rarely get a sight of). Has a bunch of cartoon characters with a signature. Nearby it is a note that reads, “The future has not been forgotten due to your remembrance of the past. Thank you for a new season!”.